| Subject: Priority Mail 56 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Tuesday, November 16, 11:04:09pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 50+" on Saturday, November 13, 12:37:29pm
It had taken a long time to get Nikita from the living room to the guest room. For the longest time, Michael teetered on the edge of the couch as he struggled to keep Nikita together as she cried on the couch. There weren’t words and he knew that she wasn’t ready to talk. He whispered to her that it was ok to cry, that she needed to let it out, and that he was going to make sure that it was going to be all right.
But was that a promise he could keep?
Even now, Michael was tentative in releasing Nikita as she did not lie back on the bed, but rather sat on the edge and pulled her body into a tight ball. He stroked the back of Nikita’s neck, noting how hot she was from all the sobs and the way she was curled tightly within herself.
Walter had checked on them in the living room and Michael waved him off. It would hurt Nikita so much if she knew that Walter was there. It could be the next thing that actually caused Nikita to put her defenses back up, and that was not needed right now. As bad as it sounded, this was a good thing.
Michael exhaled as he needed to find Nikita to calm down enough to rest. He glanced towards the clock and realized that this heavy crying had been going on nearly two hours. It just told Michael how deep Nikita’s pain was. “I’m going to be right back…”
Nikita’s hand clutched his and yanked him back. Michael looked up towards the ceiling and eased down to try to look at Nikita’s eyes. She wouldn’t look at him. But he knew that she knew that he was right there. “I’m going to get you a cool cloth to place against the back of your neck… you are tired and hot…”
He didn’t hear a further protest from Nikita. Michael left the door open to the guest room as he ran down to the hallway and pulled hand towel out while starting the water. Walter stepped out of Adam’s room and looked at Michael. “How is he?”
“He’ll be fine, Michael,” Walter spoke as he rubbed his elbows. “Still crying?”
“It’s probably good,” Michael nodded his head up and down as he started to wring the towel out of the water, leaving it slightly damp with cool water. Michael stopped half way down the hallway. “Thank you, Walter. And make sure that Adam knows that I love him… and that I would be in there…”
“He is more worried about what is going on with Nikita than worried about not seeing you, Michael,” Walter pointed out as Michael paused outside the door.
Michael wanted to talk more about Adam, but that just wasn’t the priority at this time. He was in triage with Nikita right now. He eased beside her body and placed the towel on the back of her neck. “Does that feel better?”
Nikita nodded her head up and down slightly. Michael waited and took her one hand that was dangling off to the side. Michael made lazy circles with his fingers, feeling as if Nikita was slowly starting to calm down. “Can you try taking a deep breath with me, Kita?”
For the next ten minutes, Michael guided Nikita through taking a breath and extending it to calm down. She was still crying and shaking, but her body seemed to finally be losing that frantic pace that Michael was most concerned about. It was not natural to be stuck at such a high velocity of emotion.
“How…” Nikita spoke as she lifted her head a bit; her voice raw and Michael shook his head. “Not now, Kita…”
Nikita moved her head negatively from side to side. She was going to do what she felt that she needed to do and Michael pressed his hand against her back. “Keep your head down, Kita…”
“How can you… not hate me?” Nikita’s question came out with a lot of cries and sobs between the words. Michael felt as if this was a question that Nikita would never normally ask if she wasn’t in the mist of this emotional turmoil. “I wasn’t there in Section… I can’t judge what you did or didn’t do…”
Michael could tell that the answer was not satisfying Nikita. He wanted to tell her that it was a simple answer why he didn’t hate her – he loved her. But Nikita also didn’t need to hear that now. He had to give her more and he had to help her mind slow down so that it would rest.
“I was in charge a few times at Section One… you remember those times that I was in control. I had to make decisions that I wasn’t absolutely sure about and I knew the impact my decisions could have,” Michael slowly started his response to Nikita as he kept his touch on Nikita. “I was only in power for a few days… you had years of it, Kita… I can’t image what you went through... I have no right not judge what you had to do during that time…”
Nikita tilted her head to the side and her body slightly leaned against Michael. Her sobs were slowing and Michael swallowed hard. “I want to help you, Kita… I think someday you’ll feel like starting to talk. I don’t think you are ready to talk tonight.”
Nikita nodded her head up and down. She looked at Michael for a brief section and then used her hands to grab Michael’s hand. “I’m stuck there.”
“You are with me,” Michael strongly declared as he took his fingers and gently turned Nikita’s face to look at him. “You are free from that place, Kita. You are with me. Where you should have always been.”
Nikita nodded her head up and down but her eyes were diverted. He wasn’t sure that Nikita got what he was saying. He could only hope that they could come back to this at some other point. But her body was losing the other fight.
It was tired.
Michael eased the towel off of the back of her neck. “Let’s get you down into bed… you’ll feel better have you have a good night sleep.”
“Sleep… bad,” Nikita shook her head from side to side. Despite Nikita’s words, Michael was able to help ease Nikita back onto the bed and her head on the pillow. He kissed her forehead and started to step backwards.
“Please don’t go,” Nikita spoke up as she looked right at Michael. Her eyes were so blood shot and sore. But the tears were starting again.
Nikita could see Michael on the bridge. He was about to walk away. It had taken so much for her to let him go like that. She didn’t speak up for what she needed. It had been about what others needed – what Michael needed, what Adam needed.
It may have been the biggest mistake in her life. She didn’t know about the baby that she was carrying while standing there. Nikita didn’t know that she was going to have to get everyone out. She didn’t know that she was going to be closing down Section. She didn’t realize that she was going to be a god – deciding who was going to live and who was going to die – on a mass scale.
“Don’t leave me behind, Michael,” Nikita’s voice called out and Michael moved back to the bed. He stroked her face and saw that this was her calling out for more than just right now. He could tell that this was more than a call for help right now. This was what she had withheld years ago and had valued everyone else above herself.
“I’m not leaving you, Kita,” Michael spoke as he kicked off his shoes and rolled onto the bed beside her. He didn’t take her in his arms as he ached to do. It was too early for that. He laid there on his side and looked towards Nikita. Over the next couple minutes, Nikita turned her head to look at him.
And then she placed her hand out in the space between them and squeezed Michael’s hand tightly when he met her half way.
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