| Subject: Priority Mail 105 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Saturday, January 01, 12:01:24am
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 97+" on Thursday, December 23, 07:37:51pm
Ellie had the tablet in her hand and as she paced back and forth in front of the closed door. She wanted to give Nikita the chance to change and pull herself together. She didn’t want to just run right to Michael. But Ellie also didn’t want Nikita to suffer alone too long. Finally, Ellie knocked on the door and called out Nikita’s name.
There wasn’t a response and she opened up the door to find that Nikita hadn’t changed. Instead she had curled up on the examination table and was doing her best to keep her crying from being heard. Ellie placed the tablet down and walked to the table. “You should have told me, Nikita.”
Nikita pulled away from the touch that Ellie wanted to make against her head. “I’m fine.”
“You aren’t fine,” Ellie rasped as she shook her head. “And you need to allow yourself to have these moments and not to hold them in.”
“I don’t want them,” Nikita spoke and Ellie sighed. She had a feeling that Nikita thought the medicine was going to stop the thoughts and that was never going to happen. But Nikita didn’t need to hear that lecture right now. It also concerned Ellie because what Nikita needed most of all with her severe PTSD was talk therapy and there just wasn’t anyone this previous leader of Section could talk to that was a trained therapist. “Let me get Michael for you.”
“He is home,” Nikita shook her head as she wiped at her eyes and swallowed hard. “And I can’t tell him…”
“Tell him?” Ellie paused and then leaned down. “Nikita?”
Nikita pulled her legs closer to her body and Ellie shivered. “You had been raped.”
“He didn’t find out…. A trainer should have…” Nikita shook her head as she looked at Ellie. “I didn’t tell him.”
Ellie found it hard that Michael didn’t have a sense of something like this happening to Nikita. This woman was so protected of her emotions by the time that Ellie got into Section that she would have never guessed it. But Nikita had been recruited into Section and Michael was her trainer. Michael would have figured it out, he may have just never asked for details or confirmation. Plus, even now he seemed to sometimes know Nikita better than she knew herself, and that was with years and years apart.
“Let me get him…” Ellie declared. Nikita grabbed her arm. “He is home…”
“He is in the waiting room,” Ellie patted Nikita’s clenching hand and that statement made Nikita lose her strength and she dissolved into even more tears. As Ellie was opening the door, Michael was standing there. He didn’t need to hear anything and he moved into the room. He waited as Ellie left the room. “Give me a half hour.”
Michael closed the door and went immediately to the examination table, thankful that was larger than a normal table as he pulled Nikita up and sat down so that he could cradle her. “Kita… I’m here.”
“I didn’t tell you so much….” Nikita pushed her head against Michael’s chest. “And I don’t want to remember it… I want to forget Roberta… and... the men…”
“That raped you?” Michael inquired and Nikita pushed up from Michael and stared at him. “How did you…”
“I trained you… and while I didn’t do your Valentine training… it was clear from reports…” Michael explained as he reached out and stroked Nikita’s hair. “And I tried so hard after I was able to confirm… that you weren’t used in that way… and there were so many missions that were outlined to start out with you in that vulnerable situation…”
“But we had missions…”
“We had missions,” Michael pointed out as he leaned closer to Nikita. “Where I was the one calling the shots… I knew… and I could tell…”
“You knew?”
“Your mother told me about the boyfriend… she said that he had gloated to her about it and that she regretted that she never reported him,” Michael explained what he had planned on never telling Nikita. There were some things that some people would always want to keep to themselves but now that Nikita was able to talk about what had happened, he could tell her. “She remembered his name… I found him… and he was punished, Nikita.”
“You should have… never found out from her…” Nikita stated as she didn’t even seem concerned with how Michael had punished the boyfriend. He had found him in a situation where he was still doing to other girls that were in a bad home with a mother who was drunk the same thing that he had done to Nikita. Michael was able to get proof for one and had him put away. Prisoners were never really friendly to child rapists and the prison population found out what he had been guilty of. They took care of the punishment from there.
Michael took a moment to pull Nikita into his arms and he looked up at the ceiling. “You have been thinking about Roberta?”
Nikita nodded her head up and down. “That time… in the hospital…”
“You said it gave you closure,” Michael whispered as he closed his eyes. He had a sense that it hadn’t helped Nikita at all. Walter had said that it did, that Nikita seemed at peace. But Nikita must have showed Walter what he wanted to see to say that she was ok. “You didn’t find it good.”
“It gave her peace,” Nikita spat out as she shook her head and Nikita pushed her arm around Michael. “How do you know me this well?”
“I love you, Kita,” Michael whispered as he kissed her head. He felt her tears, but he also felt that this was towards the end. He waited a while and rubbed Nikita’s arms. “Ellie will want to finish the appointment. I can go…”
“No,” Nikita shook her head as she tightened her grip on Michael. Michael rubbed her arms until the pressure was released slightly. “You should get dressed…. And listen to her.”
There were no more words. Nikita nodded her head and she slowly untwined herself from Michael. She quickly got dressed and went to the door on her own and opened it while stopping at the sink to wash her eyes. Nikita turned to see Dr. Hlad standing there. “I’m sorry.”
“I should have stopped… I could tell that you were having flashes and you weren’t talking about them,” Ellie whispered as she closed the door although the office was completely empty. “I need you to tell those of us who were in Section when you are having any sort of flash, Nikita. You can’t go to a therapist about what are in those flashes… so you have to talk to any of us when you have them… the medicine won’t make them go away…. Talking about them…”
Nikita sat back down on the table while Michael had moved to the chair. Ellie looked at Nikita. “Promise me, Nikita…”
“There is so much,” Nikita hugged herself. “Please Ellie… I just want them to stop.”
“They aren’t just going to stop. No pill is going to do that for you,” Ellie swung her head from side to side. “You have to learn to deal with these PTSD flashes….”
Nikita reached her hand out for Michael and he stood next to her. “You had them when you started Section. I never reported them… I think it was made worst with that device…”
Nikita rubbed her neck as she twitched. It was a weakness and she didn’t like that Michael had been able to tell all the way back then. “Why didn’t….”
“Section didn’t care as long as the job was done,” Michael reminded Nikita as he kissed her forehead. He turned his attention to Ellie and rubbed Nikita’s arms as he stood there as a protector. “Is there anything else?”
“She needs to eat,” Ellie answered, knowing that it would bring them all a chuckle, but also knowing that it needed to be said.
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