| Subject: *sigh* |
Author:
Samantha
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Date Posted: 16:24:04 04/24/01 Tue
Author Host/IP: bess-proxy02.neisd.net/198.213.166.136
Hey peeps, I'm here at lovely school *cough cough*, so I can't get in chat. Oh well. In the meantime I can write my lovely poems I wrote today during my wonderful depressed stage. It seems I can only write when I'm feel really angry or depressed, such as now. I don't expect any of this to be read, and I don't really care if it is. This is more of a way to channel my frusteration with my life. If you do read this whole thing, or at least part of it, please give me any comments or suggestions. Miss you all, I'll be in chat as soon as I get home, but I'll be very depressed and upset.
As the world around me dies,
let me remember the good times
the peace and care
the joy and friendship
as the razor sings to my pale skin
Let me forget the horrid emotions
the pain and anger
the love and hatred
As the world goes black around me
let me be remembered
let those who claimed to care
those who mock friendship
Let them remember...
Let the tender tears crash to the ground
and the quiet sobs destroy the silence
Allow my pain to be secret
the silent hurting, the ever present agony
shroud my soul and depression
from those who claim my friendship
Keep my aching heart away
from the talon-like grasp of others
Keep me hidden, keep me safe
let me indulge in my sorrow
let others complain and mock their depression
and ignore my wants and needs
until the gentle razor caresses my neck
and the crimson fluid bathes me
until the darkness washes over me
and my soul rests in eternal slumber...
the quiet silence of the noisy classroom deafens me
the bright depths of the neon lights blinds me
the lonliness surrounds me, highlighting my insecurities
the thoughts roam freely through my mind
one word fills my empty heart
one word drains me heavy soul
one word owns me like the Devil's grasp
one word saves me like the Heaven's gentle whispers
I am but one word
I am myself
I fill my emptyness with forced joy
I rebuild my enlightened soul with lies
I destory myself with my hellish actions
I save myself with shallow promises
I must do these things for myself, for there is no other
I must be there for myself...
pointless life
life pushed on by fear
fear of death
life led by death
pointless life filled with throngs of emotions
led by fear of such emotions - love, hate, anger, joy
fear of ourselves
fear of each other
fear of the unseen and unknown
fear of God and his majesty
fear of the Devil and his kingdom
fear of life
fear of death
pointless life led on by fear of death...
I am naught but a pawn upon the greta chessboard of life. My actions are small, hardly noticed, and hold no meaning for the whole of the game. I have no title, no name. I am simply a pawn. I do as I am told with no one attending to my needs. My goals are equal to that of others, my aspirations no higher than need be. The steps I take to reach them are small. They say the end justifies the means. Whatever I do in my life will decide my importance. If I can reach my goals, I have the ability to go farther, to do more than I had hoped. Then, my life, no matter how horrible, no matter how many lies I speak or tears I shed, my life will be remembered. The path I took will be legendary to some. But if the end is caused by my foolish thoughts, the means are nothing. My life would mean nothing and be remembered by none. The end justifies the means. I am naught but a pawn in the game of life.
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