| Subject: Please, read it! It may have the answers that you were looking for..... |
Author:
nadia cinque
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Date Posted: 17:52:19 11/09/03 Sun
I believe these two letters I have written to someone who was supposed to do a reading for me, can somehow help many people,....I have written them with all my heart, and anything that comes from the heart cannot be bad....lots of love to you all.
Here are the 2 letters:
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1) As you can see here I am again! Something very strange has happened to me when I went back home...I decided to stay a couple of days with my mother hoping to pick up some lost time, some misunderstanding and maybe a little bit of affection....but I was wrong...She wasn't that warm, and the first night I slept in her house, I felt a very strong negative presence near me, just like when I was a child and I used to be very afraid of the dark....I was so shocked and scared that I had to turn on the light and sleep with the light on...the next day the hell broke loose....I forgot how long it had been since I had been feeling that bad! She wasn't changed at all! While talking to her I could see her face transforming just in front of me ad assuming the form of an evil monster...no love, no compassion, no understanding, so much selfishness...so many lies....this was all pouring out of her eyes....I was just trying to understand who she was and why I was always afraid of her since I was a little child...I needed to know if anything happened in my childhood that prevented me from bonding to her properly, and there were plenty of things....I remember one of the many recurrent visions I had since I was a child....and like many other recurrent visions, it was a preview of what my life was going to be like....I remember of seeing myself over and over in a room where the actress get ready before going on stage....I remember waiting for my mother to come back from her show, this everlasting lonly waiting.....she was too busy to think about her little girl waiting for her...the spot lights had taken her completely and she had forgot about her real life....about me.....and strangely enough, that is what has happened in the real life....I never had a mother, I had to spend the most terrible moments of my life without any emotional support, neither from her, nor from my family...completely alone....She made sure to create an empty circle around me, so nobody would come to my rescue....I know she has done the same nasty things with all my brothers and sisters, and I believe she is a soul who desperately needs to grow up and come out of the dark. She needs to face the light, the truth...the truth will set her free or will kill her....But I understood, that she would prefer to die rather than facing the light....That dark soul happens to be my mother, and I do love her even if she does not give any of the things I need....and I really need so little....a little of pure care and love. I wish I could feel protected by her, and not destroyed. I realized I was looking for something I cannot find in her, something that she does not have....something she doesn't even like to have....I left her while she was performing another one of her selfish act, but this time I just decided I had to face the truth. She is what she is, and does not want or like to change...I have to learn to accept life the way it is, sometimes it is cruel, sometimes it is unfair, sometimes it is very painful....That is life....maybe she had to learn something too from our two days spent together.....maybe I was the only one to learn that I cannot look for something that does not exist...no matter how much I need it.....I have to put my heart at peace, and go on....change chapter, change page....do not look back anymore....look forward, and for something I can actually have and enjoy....and this is an advice for other people in similar situations....Do not despair with what should have been, what was supposed to be, even if I did not have the kind of love I needed the most, God has be generous to me and gave me so many surrogates, and even my husband is a very precious gift...he has such a good heart...I can see that sometimes what is missing in one place, it is found later some place else....We have to give life a chance to pay us back.
Changing topic, do you still remember what was my reading about? You told me that you could see something, but you needed my permission for the reading because there was a strong presence standing by me....Probably the presence you felt, could be my dad...he has been always with me in the most critical times of my life...I never met him because he died when i was one year old, but I love the tought of him. Sometimes it seems like if I can perceive his tought, his essence, his love. His love always gave me support and strenght to face the most terrible phases of my life....he was right, every thing just passes by, just wait, be patient, be strong, be good....that is what I was perceiving by the presence of his entity....I am not quite sure if this presence is my dad, I wish he were.....Do you think it is him? Do you see something I have to do to make things right? Sorry for all these questions...you can unswear whenever you have the time....I will be checking once in a while your page or if you have my e-mail, you could send the replay directly to my e-mail. I do not know if you still have it, anyway it is: cinquenadia@netscape.net
I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks in advance for your time and kindness...
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2) THIS IS THE SECOND LETTER I WROTE HIM AFTER HE NICELY AND KINDLY REPLIED TO ME:
I was so happy to find your e-mail! You see how easily I can find happyness? Always in the most unexpected places and times....Life is made up of many small things, and if we learn to enjoy them, we will learn to enjoy life....Thank you very much for your words of support, God always makes sure I have some sort of angels around me when I need it the most....A little word, at the right time, can mean a lot....That is why I try to do good even to strangers or enemies, and I can say that often (not always) it works wonders....
we cannot try to put out the fire of hate with the gasoline of revenge, but we can try to use the power of Love to smother the evil flames that burn the souls....Well, it is not easy at all, but I have succeded several times...Of course, you cannot win all the time, but those few successes can give you the boost you need to believe in the power of LOVE and to continue to pursue it. Now I am leaving even if I would like to pour down my heart hoping that it could be of any help to somebody....I am going to cook someting for my sweet husband so when he comes home (around 1 or 2 am) I can get up from bed and eat something with him even if I am not hungry....just to keep him company....Actually today I am extremely tired because I have worked very hard for the all day, I'll try to rest few hours, so I'll have the strenght to get up by the times he comes back home...Scorpio, I am worry about my health....the doctor have told me that I may have ductal carciroma and lately I have been extremely sick with my stomach (worse than food poisoning, indigestion, hearbur..etc...) over two months ago I was so sick I threw up blood, then, I got sick again, but this time I did not eat or drink anything because I was afraid the same thing would happen....My worry is that I would like to have a child as soon as possible because I am 45 years old, but I am terrible worried that if something happens to me, my child will be without mom, and even more terrible, my husband will be left alone with a child, with no relative or family around to give him any kind of support...I desperately need to have a child before it is too late...I am not afraid to die, we will all have to die someday...I do not like to leave my husband in a lot of troubes....Do you think I should give up this deep desire of having a child? I do not care if I will have to suffer, if I will have to struggle, it does not scare me...I have done it all my life and often alone....I am afraid I may create pain and suffering to the people I love the most...my husband and if God allows me, my child....If you can see that there is something serious with my health, I will give up my dream...maybe in my next life, I will be able to have a lot of children, a lot of love and joy around me....will I? Whatever God wants, I will accept it; there is a reason for everything, even if we are not able to understand it, there is.....This is the thing that pressure me the most at the moment...I wish I had the cristal ball to know in advance what is the best thing to do...but I don't, so that is why I am bothering you....If you can see or feel what I can't, let me know, two minds can understand better than one, two hearts can feel better than one....
Lots of love to you and to all the people who happen read this note
Nadia
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