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Date Posted: 13:19:14 07/03/03 Thu
Author: DOUG.
Subject: Independence Day 2003.

Bob...

I spent last weekend at Guantanamo Bay. My dad's the head janitor there, and I visit every month or so. Sometimes he lets me take home some of the blood from the interrogation rooms. I put it into small vials and sell it on eBay. My eBay seller name is "TruePatriot69". Look me up!

My dad used to be an accountant, with many Naval officers as his clients. Times are tough, though. Many of his former clients disappeared suddenly and mysteriously after September 11th, and he had trouble finding new business. (And then there was those statutory rape charges.)

Fortunately business at "Gitmo" has picked up recently, so my dad cashed in a few favors and got his current gig. It pays okay, but the hours are long and unpredictable. He never knows when there will be a "clean up on aisle four"... if you know what I mean.

Anyhow, I played "You Come And Go Like A Pop Song" for some of the guys at Gitmo. Most of them really liked it (especially "Boy At A Bus Stop"), but some of the younger detainees didn't quite get it. They're all into 50 Cent and Nelly and stuff like that. Teenagers are so lame! "Go back to Pakistan!" I'd yell... but I was only kidding, of course.

Anyhow, Praise Be Aaliyah. Support Our Trouts. Peach Out and Happy 4th!
DOUG.

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