| Subject: Stone to Remake "Alexander" |
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Black Dog
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Date Posted: Wednesday, November 16, 04:45:23pm
Doghouse News Report
November 15, 2005, Frederick, Md - Oliver Stone announced today that he was planning on remaking his 2004 box-office flop Alexander, only this time the subject will be not be Alexander the Great, but Black Retriever Shaun Alexander. Stone's new plot is loosely based on the events leading up to Alexander's record-breaking 15 TDs/season in 5 years. Jamie Foxx will star as a young Shaun Alexander caught up in a government conspiracy to brainwash the running back into assassining a major political figure of the 1960's.
"I was like totally stoned, hanging with Fidel when Shaun broke that record and I was like 'I got to make a film about him!' Then Fidel was like 'How about he tries to kill me over that Bay of Pigs hogwash?' and I just said 'Brilliant!' and took a HUGE hit from his peace pipe," Stone explained.
"Then I saw these crazzzy Indians and freaked the fuck out! I ran right out of the hut and into the Guantanamo Bay. It was hillarious. I think I lost my watch though."
Other characters will include the ghost of Franz Ferdinand, Micahel Jackson, a rabbit who puts pancakes on its head, Jim Mora, Sr., Steve Jobs, Gonzo, Woody Boyd, the FedEx delivery chick and someone Stone refers to as "The Magician that can stand on 2 feet" although we're not sure how they are connected to the plot.
Stone later explained that during a game of Russian Roulette outside of Saigon, he shot himself in the head, but the bullet zigzagged through his head and didn't hit his brain. Doghouse News isn't so sure about that.
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