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Subject: Stone to Remake "Alexander"


Author:
Black Dog
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Date Posted: Wednesday, November 16, 04:45:23pm

Doghouse News Report

November 15, 2005, Frederick, Md - Oliver Stone announced today that he was planning on remaking his 2004 box-office flop Alexander, only this time the subject will be not be Alexander the Great, but Black Retriever Shaun Alexander. Stone's new plot is loosely based on the events leading up to Alexander's record-breaking 15 TDs/season in 5 years. Jamie Foxx will star as a young Shaun Alexander caught up in a government conspiracy to brainwash the running back into assassining a major political figure of the 1960's.

"I was like totally stoned, hanging with Fidel when Shaun broke that record and I was like 'I got to make a film about him!' Then Fidel was like 'How about he tries to kill me over that Bay of Pigs hogwash?' and I just said 'Brilliant!' and took a HUGE hit from his peace pipe," Stone explained.
"Then I saw these crazzzy Indians and freaked the fuck out! I ran right out of the hut and into the Guantanamo Bay. It was hillarious. I think I lost my watch though."

Other characters will include the ghost of Franz Ferdinand, Micahel Jackson, a rabbit who puts pancakes on its head, Jim Mora, Sr., Steve Jobs, Gonzo, Woody Boyd, the FedEx delivery chick and someone Stone refers to as "The Magician that can stand on 2 feet" although we're not sure how they are connected to the plot.

Stone later explained that during a game of Russian Roulette outside of Saigon, he shot himself in the head, but the bullet zigzagged through his head and didn't hit his brain. Doghouse News isn't so sure about that.

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: casting call for "Alexander"


Author:
rival
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Date Posted: Monday, November 21, 08:08:48am

martin muhl as mike holmgren,
cole hauser as grant wistrom,
bob saget as joe jurevicius,
rick moranis as steve largent,
jared from subway (pre-diet) as the seahawks entire offensive line,
tim hasselbeck as matt hasselbeck, and
don knotts painted black as jerry rice.
[> [> Subject: Re: casting call for "Alexander"


Author:
Casting Director
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Date Posted: Monday, November 21, 03:13:31pm

and Dave Chappelle as Derrick Blaylock
[> Subject: Re: casting call for "Alexander"


Author:
rival
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: Tuesday, November 22, 12:48:01pm

pete staub as platypus receiver drew bennett
[> Subject: Re: Stone to Remake "Alexander"


Author:
Rats
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Date Posted: Wednesday, November 23, 01:34:47pm

Okay, how do you know who Cole Hauser is well enough to reference him? I may have to pull a "C.R." in a minute here.

But I do like the Dave Chappelle casting. Along with a young Dan Akroyd as A.J. Feely. And Kurt Russell (right after a serious haircut) as Brad Johnson. Maybe Eric Stoltz as Peyton Manning--that's with Stoltz's Rocky Dennis makeup on of course. Sorry, that was uncalled for. My apologies, Rocky.
[> Subject: Re: Stone to Remake "Alexander"


Author:
rival
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: Friday, November 25, 10:04:39am

cole hauser was a skinhead in higher learning, a bad-ass in dazed and confused, and currently is nurse sam's imprisoned ex-husband in ER. and he looks like grant wistrom quite a bit.

more:
todd bridges as willis mcgahee,
gary coleman as doug flutie,
freddie prinze, jr as joey harrington
barry williams as greg brady as tom brady
charlie murphy as dante hall (since dave chappelle is in as derrick blaylock)
for wwf fans ; the ultimate warrior as dan morgan
and tom cruise as adam vinatieri.


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