| Subject: Organizational change |
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new Rats
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Date Posted: Wednesday, November 03, 02:33:35pm
In accordance with a previous statement made by the Harbor Rats organization, and with the results from Tuesday’s election now fully realized, this organization has made a decision to pull an Alec Baldwin---but for real---and distance ourselves from the United States of America, middle America in particular, thus displacing our organization. At first we were simply going to change our names (the Ex-Patriots) and uniform (see below), but it was quickly brought to our attention that we are the most financially mis-managed team in the BFL and this strategy would not help us at all economically. Thus, we were forced to move to a city willing to financially support our BFL endeavors. As this may seem like a treason of sorts, let us assure you it is nothing of the kind. We love this country and would do anything to protect it. For this very reason, we feel it necessary to move our franchise off of the homeland for the period of 4 years in protest of a government that rules, in our humble opinion, through fear and prejudice. We hope this move will bring awareness that has otherwise eluded the American populace. In our eyes, this is a move that must be made.
Since our team will no longer be residing in Bal’mer, we will obviously have to change our name. At first we were looking at relocating to the youthful town of Dawson Creek in British Columbia, but we stumbled upon a certain beauty elsewhere during a layover flight. We fell in love with it. And we found our new home. Now, as we speak, the new name of our franchise is actually taken from a cottage on Prince Edward Island’s Charlotte Shore rather than an actual area. However, we are hopeful that our presence there will boost the economy, and we have the Canadian Parliament’s word that the area will be renamed by the year 2005 to coincide with our team name.
Therefore, we are very pleased to announce that for the remainder of this presidential administration our Bal’mer Harbor Rats football squad will be known as the Belle Mer Harbor Rats.
Not to worry, yes we are in Canada, but your players will not have to account for an extra ten yards of field or a lack of fair catches. Our new town has contracted the design for a new state-of-the-art stadium in 2005. Until then we will be using an altered Motreal Allouttes field (Percival Molson Memorial Stadium) for the rest of this season. Yes, it’s a bit far, but we found it more fitting with the Allouettes/Bal’mer Stallions connection and all the (mid-1990's) history there. To furthermore quell your trepidation, all travel for the remainder of this year will be paid solely by our organization and will be first class all the way. We want to make your visit to our new facilities as seamless as possible and we promise to get you oot here safe and sound and withoot the least bit of hassle.
Our best wishes upon all of you as we sincerely hope we are taking the matter at hand way to hard. We’ll see you all back in Bal’mer in 2008!
By the way, I’m obliged under contract to make the following statement: the Pittsburgh Steelers suck! I’m Aaron Beck, and I approve that message.
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