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Subject: Meatslappers' "Sausage Party" Gets Man-Handled


Author:
Associated Press
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Date Posted: Thursday, August 31, 01:06:03pm



Meatloaf was one of many detained


Oberlin, PA — Late last night, the Oberlin Meatslappers' annual "Sausage Party" was broken up by police. Several players were charged with lewd conduct and indecent exposure. Details are still coming in, but initial reports indicate that several players were dipping their sausages in an Au'Jus-filled pool around 2:30am when police arrived due to a excessive noise call.

"It was disgusting...the smell of slapped meat and jerk sauce was overwhelming," a neighbor exclaimed. "I have kids next door and they're causing this big ruckus. They're supposed to be role models, but their entertainment is monkey spanking, throwing beets and milking 1-eyed snakes! Ugh, it's amazing they can stand, let alone play football after all that."

Team spokesman Mr. E. Meat declined comment as he entered Oberlin jail to post bail.

This is the latest in a string of off-field distractions for the Meatslappers, most recently the accidental overdose of team mascot Dildo Stickens last November.

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