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Date Posted: 05:04:10 10/29/03 Wed
Author: Adalberto Rocha
Subject: My revision of Titoīs story-ending

This is just to make sure my work gets sent. I really donīt know if Tito received the revision I sent to his e-mail. So just to make sure here it is:

A Strange Dream

It was getting late, and the kids had to get ready for bed.

They were already done with their dinner and had brushed

their teeth. They said their parents goodnight and curled

in their beds under the covers. It was a bit chilly but not

too much, but Molly kept herself bundled up so that her

little feet wouldn't get cold. After a while, her and her

little brother steve were sound asleep. Molly started

dreaming of a beautiful green park with lots of big trees

and berry bushes. She saw herself walking around with her

little brother when she saw a pair of red shiny boots in

the bushes. They looked sparkly new and she thought they

were just the size of her cold little feet. "These boots

will keep my feet warm" she thought, and when she didn't

find anyone in the park she figured that they don't belong

to anyone. Molly tried the boots on and they fit perfectly!

Her brother thought they looked beautiful on her. Molly

stood up and started walking, but all of a sudden SHE FELT

SHE HAD BEEN GIVEN A DRINK WHICH HAD MADE HERSELF (to) GROW

UP. SHE STARTED TO GROW AND GROW, NOT IN THE GRADUAL AND

NORMAL WAY BUT IN A FATTENING WAY. (is fattening really

opposed to gradual and normal)MOLLY WAS NOT ABLE TO KNOW

(suggestion: had no way of knowing, couldnīt possibly have

known) THAT THE BOOTS SHE HAD TRIED (on) WERE FROM A WITCH

WHO HAD KEPT THEM ON (in or at) THE PARK TO CATCH A GIRL

WHO COULD POSSIBLY (I didnīt quite get this)BE TRANSFORMED

INTO A HORRIBLE BEING AND FREE SUCH A (the)WITCH FROM HER

WRETCHING FIGURE. MOLLY'S LITTLE BOTHER, STEVE, ASKED THE

WITCH TO TAKE HIS SISTER'S PLACE IN ORDER TO SAVE HER FROM

THAT HORRIBLE SPELL, BUT THE WRETCH SAID MOLLY COULD BE

ONLY be SAVED BY THE KISS OF A KIND-HEARTED PERSON. MOLLY

AND TOMMY (who is Tommy? Steve,no?) BROKE DOWN IN TEARS.

THEY WERE NOT ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO

THEM. IN THE MEANTIME, LAUGHING WAS THE WITCH.

NEVERTHELESS, THEY HEARD A BANG (I donīt think noise is

necessary, itīs redundant, no?)NOISE. IT WAS MOLLY AND

TOMMY'S MOTHER WHO HAD ENTERED THEIR ROOM. THE KIDS MOTHER

HAD FORGOTTEN TO KISS HER CHILDREN GOODNIGHT. SHE KISSED

TOMMY FIRST ON HIS BOTH (his) CHEEKS. AFTER THAT, SHE DID

THE SAME TO MOLLY AND ALSO BLESSED HER. AND THEN SHE

DISAPPEARED. THE WITCH KNEW MOLLY HAD BEEN RELEASED FROM

HER SPELL AS SHE GOT HER CHILDISH (child-like, childish

refers to behavior, I think)FORMS BACK. A HUGE STIR OF WIND

THREW THE WRETCH AWAY AND TOOK MOLLY AS WELL AS STEVE TO

THEIR ROOM AGAIN. THE KIDS SLEPT PEACEFULLY.

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