Re: ...The Way Paulie Does... -- A Tribute to Lost and Delirious

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Date Posted: 13:20:07 03/18/09 Wed
Author: AlexLee
Subject: Re: ...The Way Paulie Does...
In reply to: Maf 's message, "Re: ...The Way Paulie Does..." on 20:51:16 12/21/06 Thu

Hi Maf,

Your reply put a smile on my face finally cuz i've been feeling depressed for the last 3 hours after watching L&D. it was the case of first love for me as well. we were both 13+ years old. I loved her like no other and i believed it turned into an obsession afterwards. But the twist is that it was a 2 years long distance relationship and back then, there wasnt this thing called internet or email in the country she was in. So it was basically, calling her up ONCE PER MONTH with talktime of 20-40minutes. And we only went out on dates for like 9 times out of that 2 years and there were times that we lost contact because her house phone went spoilt (no there wasnt such thing as handphone at that place too) and she'd never written any letter to me, though i sent her plenty. Well, it was becuz she told me and said that ultimately we are both still girls and she has to get married and stuffs. Eventually she transferred to a mixed school (we were both previously from girls' school) and fell for another guy while we were still 1 year to the relationship. The next year, when i return for our 2nd year, she broke up with me. But in my heart, i knew what we had intially and i know they were real. Perhaps i can relate to Paulie in that sense, which explains why it became an obsession to both of us. That girl was the only happiness i had at that time and the only reason why i was surviving on my own in a foreign country and in a school that is so homophobic, at the age of 13. She was my everything.. I dint kill myself but i did cut myself, and subsequent failed relationships and being-gay problems fueled all the self destructive behaviours. I'm ok now and had fallen in love 3 more times since then. Probably, the impact of the first love faded after 7 years because afterall, i didn even know her like inside out. She was just my classmates for 3 years. We didnt even had a chance to hang out with each other. but i believe we both knew we loved each other. There was no question, no reason to it. I still remember that first time feeling of falling in love. It was...really sweet.

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