Subject:  What Now? |
Author:
Paul
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 13:24:07 01/24/04 Sat
John,
Are you meditating? If not that is the first thing you need to do every day. It will disconnect you from your rage, being caught up in your thoughts and being totally subject to your conditioning so you can view things objectively. Being sucked into these things is at the root of your problems.
Secondly, you say you have had "exorcisms and clearings". Whose exorcisms? Roy's? No, in my opinion it sounds like you have had the standard "hooplah" exorcisms practiced by the likes of Peter Popov or the plastic Church which are no exorcisms at all, just a lot of phoney baloney. IF your mother approves of it all the worse....
The other source of your problem is your mother herself. It should go without saying that there is something seriously wrong with living with your mother at the age of 45.
Look, as long as you live with either of your parents you will never grow out of your childhood conditioning and you will stay a child on the inside (regardless of how good or bad a parent your mother is, that is the unbreakable rule).
The reason is it is very difficult, if not impossible to speak up to someone upon whom your are dependent for your food and shelter, especially when you have been "under their thumb" for 20 years or more. Probably you have a lot of unspoken resentments for the infractions and injustices of your mother which are paralysing you.
John, you *have* to get out and live independently OF ANYONE if you are to grow and have your own identity. It is more important than life and death. You cannot be a "self" otherwise, you will always be an appendage of someone else.
It does not matter if you only have means to live in a small room, a really crummy apartment or in a house, you *have* to get out. No matter how bad it is, you are better off (and I speak from direct experience - being very poor on my youth).
So - find a free/sponsored course, some training or some job in a field that your are interested in and naturally drawn to to enable you to do that - unless you cannot make your existing business support you (then use that). BUT GET OUT.
Do NOT discuss it with your mother or "OK it" with her. She will find a way to sabotage it or stop you form doing it. It is not her business anyway.
From your circumstances it sounds to me like she wants to keep you a cripple so she can have someone who is dependant on her to treat her as a saviour (my mother did exactly the same thing and so do most mothers). And that is a very sick relationship, nothing to do with love at all.....
That is what you need to do John. Yes, it is late in the day, but it is not TOO late. Act now. And keep quiet about it until you've done it. After you're out and independant THEN you can confront your mother about what she did to you (I can tell you from perosdnal experience that also definitely works too).
You need to be your own man John.
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 