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Date Posted: Thursday, December 09, 08:53:54am
Author: invisigoth6.7(Sid's cyberslave/property of Hando)
Subject: Holiday eating Tips>>>

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on
a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if
you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum
balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.
Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than
single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So
drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if
you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy
it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the
whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a
volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with
gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're
made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's
like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an
effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas
party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise
between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing
else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling
the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.


7. If you come across something really good at a
buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.
If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a
slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one
pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one
dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's
loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I
mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when
you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
attention.

Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just
around the corner.

REMEMBER THIS MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but
rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the
other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a
ride!"

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