The Top 16 Signs You Got a Bad Dog Show Judge -- thecoffeeshop

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Date Posted: 14:53:08 02/19/05 Sat
Author: LaneyLounge
Subject: The Top 16 Signs You Got a Bad Dog Show Judge

The famous Westminster Kennel Club dog
competition was held recently, and they
awarded-- ah, like I care. I'm a bird man!

The Top 16 Signs You Got a Bad Dog Show Judge
(Part I)

16> Keeps saying, "There's hardly any meat on this one at all."

15> Despite 20 minutes of furious leg-humping, your dog isn't even among the semifinalists for "Mr. Congeniality."

14> Is unimpressed by any dog that doesn't play poker.

13> Screaming "Nazi Scum!" at the schnauzers seems harsh, to say the least.

12> Sure, he has to examine your dog's physical condition, but *stirrups*? HAHAHAHA!

11> While *you'll* do anything to win best of show, Little Fluffy Poppyseed is just not ready for the casting couch.

10> Ignores the French poodles because he's still bitter about Iraq.

9> Whispers, "I'm declaring those lovely sweater puppies of yours the 'Breasts in Show.'"

8> His obedience test is to fall down a well and make your dog find him.

7> Evaluates your dog based on its performance on a written exam.

6> Wants your dog to do that trick where he licks his genitals. The judge's genitals, not the dog's.

5> He remarks that your labrador retriever reminds him of his seeing-eye dog.

4> Awards an extra 10 points for dogs who look like
Tori Spelling.

3> "No, no, NO! *This* is the proper way to sniff a butt!"

2> Rannounces rall ris rerults rin rat ramned Rooby Roo roice.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You Got a Bad Dog Show Judge...

1> Little comments like "Oh YEAH! Put that good-looking bitch up here and stand by with a bucket of cold water!"

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[> What a hoot!! -- bboop, 18:58:14 02/19/05 Sat [1]

Toooo funny! Even Mr. Tank and Miss Nibbles are here ROTFLTAO!!

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[> [> The Top 16 Signs You Got a Bad Dog Show Judge (Part II) -- LaneyLounge, 18:14:36 02/21/05 Mon [1]

The Top 16 Signs You Got a Bad Dog Show Judge
(Part II)

16> Just gave your schnauzer a blue ribbon in the "small enough
to fit into my pants" category.

15> When your dog refuses to play dead, the judge shoots him.

14> To the males: "'Sup, dawg?" To the females: "Yo, biatches!"

13> To make sure they meet regulation requirements, he insists
on trying on all the collars personally.

12> She demonstrates to each dog the proper leg-lifting technique.

11> He searches the "toy" dogs for palpable battery compartments.

10> He blindfolds himself, whacks your dog with a stick, then
looks for candy.

9> Refuses to feel the dog's testes unless the dog buys her
dinner first.

8> Judge Magoo just gave the blue ribbon to a bag of dog food.

7> Backstage, you see him surreptitiously accepting an envelope
from a member of the "Bitches Gone Wild" camera crew.

6> Refuses to render his judgment until after the swimsuit
competition.

5> Fake-throws the ball, then deducts points if the dog falls
for it.

4> Asks you to please move your big-white-with-black-spots-
whatever-the-hell-kind-of-dog-that-is.

3> Not only encourages, but actually adds points for leg-humping.

2> She says your prize Shih Tzu is the ugliest monkey she's ever
seen.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You Got a Bad Dog Show Judge...

1> He judges the dachshund group based solely on how they look
under a blanket of sauerkraut topped with a mustard swirl.

Pretty funny stuff, huh (((boopster))) Glad you and the pups liked 'em. :-)

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