| Subject: Chapter 282 - Part 2 (end of chapter 282) |
Author:
KatherineG.
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Date Posted: Monday, April 09, 07:10:45am
In reply to:
KatherineG.
's message, "Dreams in the Dark continued (273>)" on Monday, March 05, 07:03:06am
Dear Christ. He was holding the letter so tightly that he was leaving it wrinkled; he had to work quite hard to keep from destroying it altogether. Whether it were the news she had given or the fact that she could think, for even a second, that he wouldn't want her, it might well cause him to go mad. No man in love could withstand such thoughts for long.
It was a near battle now: the debate over whether he was crazier before or after the letter. Before, he had just been missing her, had been desperate for news. Now that he had it, it was almost worse. More than this, there was her belief that he could ever stop loving her, that her need for him was anything more than a spur which made him desperate to have her back in his arms. It was insanity; he nearly shook. And he would just have to tell her in depth how he felt.
He started to collect his stationery, had to focus to make himself answer the few, polite inquiries of his comrades. For several minutes, he had forgotten that they existed, had been blind to everything but the words of his wife. Had the world ended, it would have slipped away without notice. Nothing else could distract him, when there was such dire temptation in his hands.
He barely had the attention to keep up the required, jocular conversation, his mind entirely elsewhere--the letter far too distracting. And the first of his thoughts was not a pleasant one, Madeline's new assaults far more intense than before. Perhaps she had just increased her efforts because the movie was ending, but he could never get past his fear that this wouldn't be all. Especially since there would now be the expected retakes, there would be many more opportunities for her to strike.
This fear nearly froze him, his despair at being so far away from his beloved--and all those attacks she endured--intense. It was bad enough that she had to withstand such cruelty, that Madeline was fool enough to try such schemes; he didn't even wholly understand her goals. Just what did she hope to gain by hurting Nikita or ending her pregnancy? Should he survive this experience, he would be certain that there were more of the latter--his desire for his wife unlikely to ever see an end. The tutor was no fool, as well, should know that hurting Michael's wife would not in any way win his heart or make him abandon her. If Nikita were to--God forbid--suffer some sort of terrible injury, it was only the studio itself he would abandon, his life on screen almost entirely meaningless to him now. If, even worse, she were to be killed, there would be no recapturing him at all. With her gone, there would be no reason to live. He had come to understand that many months ago.
He really didn't understand the tutor's thinking, couldn't see what she hoped to gain through her obvious plots; the confusion made him pause, as he sat down with pen and paper. If she were stupid, he could see it--but she wasn't. She wasn't even a particularly passionate person, clearly wasn't under any spell he could weave--however unintentionally. What, then, could she possibly hope to gain?
He was shaking his head slightly, utterly bemused--only one possible answer coming to him. He supposed that it was all about power. Before Nikita, he had, mostly, done whatever the woman had bid him to. The only exception had been Simone; he shuddered slightly. And the tutor had been less than sympathetic about how that woman's life had ended.
These thoughts made sense of the woman's actions, as little as he liked them--as little good as they presaged for his wife. Madeline had been determined to see an end to his previous romance, as little damage as it had ever done her, simply because it took his attention marginally away from the studio. With Nikita, it was much the same--although she probably made the tutor's desire even worse. He had loved Simone, after all, but he had been able to survive without her; it had been quite a near thing, at times, but he had. Nikita wasn't the same. If he lost her, he lost his one reason to live. There was nothing at all which could win him back after that.
He had to take a deep breath to calm himself, bringing himself back from the terror such thoughts gave. Still, he could see the erroneous logic which had made the tutor believe her plots could work. In her mind, since he had gotten over the loss of Simone, he would get over Nikita, as well. She might even be fool enough to believe that his desire for his wife was based on her youth--was either some sort of mid-life fling or a sudden desire to pass on his family name. But she was wrong. It was neither. His love for Nikita was the most genuine, positive emotion he had ever felt--and there would be neither emotion nor life again without her beside him.
He started to write, the words pouring out of him, as his mind moved through these thoughts--but one ruled over all. Whatever delusions Madeline might have fooled herself into, there was nothing left for him outside of his wife. Damaging either her or their child would gain her nothing but the simple, sick pleasure of destruction.
This fact remained, even if there was nothing at all he could do about it now. Or maybe there was; his smile grew. He would have to let her know his feelings somehow; his gaze focused on the instruments before him. And this might well be his only way of showing her the truth.
He continued just the first of his letters, then--the most important--letting his wife know just how beloved she was. Nothing else he could do was as vital as ensuring her knowledge of this simple fact. Nothing else on earth could ever mean as much to him as her absolute well being.
He did what he could to ensure this now, the words flowing out of him. And he settled himself with only one truth. In only about two and a half weeks--if all went well--he would be with her again, if only for a few days. Then his life might have some meaning once more.
[End of Part 282]
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