| Subject: Chapter 208 - Part 2 (end of chapter 208) |
Author:
KatherineG.
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Date Posted: Wednesday, October 19, 07:22:32am
In reply to:
KatherineG.
's message, "Dreams in the Dark (203 > )" on Monday, October 03, 07:35:40am
It took them a second, but Helmut finally spoke--searching for options. "You could always marry Anna again. She understands your life." And it would get her away from Bauer, at least--would give them more credibility to fight a story about the two of them as a couple. He shrugged, as he looked into his partner's eyes. "It wouldn't look any stranger to have two of you supposedly living in the guest house." It wasn't as though any of their public living arrangements *weren't* a lie.
The designer understood this, nodding slightly, but his gaze had become very distant again. It took a moment to put his thoughts into words--and, when he did, they seemed an utter non sequitur. "She still had my wedding gift to her, Helmut." He snorted slightly. "A gold cigarette lighter." It wasn't the traditional husband's present, of course, but he had understood the woman who was pretending to be his wife. The first thing he had noticed about her--even teased her about mildly, during the few months of her acting career--was that she absolutely never had any matches. Even if she picked up several packages the night before, she always lost them by the next day; his heart saddened. But not that lighter. She seemed to have held onto it like grim death ever since the day he had given it to her two and a half years ago.
His partner was nodding, watching his reactions, but needed to play devil's advocate. As much as he respected Rene's concern for her, it wasn't as though Anna were exactly pure as the driven snow. "Could she have just put it out so you'd notice it?" Rene stared at him accusingly, even as he went on. "She did need to manipulate you tonight."
The designer's eyes closed before they refocused across the room, but they were slightly steely now, giving no credence to his lover's theories. "She's not an angel, I'll grant you." His sigh went deeper. "And she tends to chain herself to men who'd like to see her dead." It was one of the reasons he had married her himself--to keep her away from any further degradations by Freddie, who would, otherwise, have undoubtedly turned her into a junkie. He had been through that himself, too vividly to let her wander the same path; he pulled himself back to the conversation. "But she's always . . ."
The thought drifted off, its speaker unable to finish, but Helmut stepped in for him, saying what he couldn't. "She's always loved you." He had seen that even when he had barely known this man--even when he had only viewed the sham marriage from afar. It might have been a convenient arrangement for the pair, but the woman's affections had always run much deeper than that fact suggested. Had Rene not been trying to be so decent--by his own definitions--the woman would undoubtedly have stayed with him till the end.
He had no questions about her emotional faithfulness, then, but he still wasn't convinced of her motives. After all, whatever her feelings for Rene--whatever the unpleasant necessities of her life--Anna *had* tied herself to Bauer, the lowest of the low. If she had come to manipulate the designer, then . . .
"She wouldn't," Rene affirmed, his look still steely in its intensity. He knew--and understood--the man's thoughts, but he also knew Anna. Whatever her tough exterior, buried somewhere deep within her was a woman who craved true tenderness. And, for better or for worse, he had been the one and only man who had given her that. Whatever her orders, she was only capable of carrying them out so far.
He wasn't really proud of the emotions he had won from her, wasn't even certain it was forgivable. Even if the woman had walked into the marriage with her eyes wide open, even if she had known that he could never love her as she wanted, encouraging her feelings for him in such a way had always seemed a very cruel thing to do. Of course, at the time, he had forgiven himself by remembering that she needed to be away from Freddie--but it wasn't enough, in the end. And it was also why he had finally had to leave.
This truth rang in him still, his wishes for her so much better than anything she had received. But that whole time in his life had been so difficult--nothing at all working out as he would have liked. When he and Anna had married, Michael and Simone had been entering more deeply into their relationship, had been flirting ever more dangerously with publicity neither of them could benefit from. Halfway into his marriage had come his terrible break with Michael--the beginning of their year-long silence, of the man's seemingly undying anger over his friend's advice about his relationship with Simone, about the possibility of a child. By the time the designer and Anna had divorced, Rene had felt terribly alone--knew that Michael had been even more isolated, grieving for so long after his lover's death. It had been awful for him--but it hadn't been an even marginally tolerable time for either of them.
But now this thought shifted--making him wonder whether this time hadn't been just as difficult for Anna. While he had always wanted to protect her--their divorce, in his mind, doing just that for her, while leaving him to the mercy of the town's various gossips--perhaps his desertion had been worse for her than he had known; something in him shuddered. Perhaps he alone was responsible for her terrible fate with Bauer.
Helmut was watching his partner now, his heart aching at his obvious pain--but he said nothing, yet. He had wondered at the pairing for sometime, had never entirely understood the woman's devotion--as much, as deeply, as he loved the man himself. Still, with Anna, she had to know that Rene could never return that affection in any physical sense, could never be her real husband; the thoughts turned. But perhaps that was why she had been so very drawn to him from the start.
This possibility seemed more likely, as he thought about it now. He might know little of the details of the woman's life, but he more than suspected that she had never seen the better side of men. And, if she had been nothing to her various lovers but an hour's bed warmer, then finding a man who she was guaranteed would never look at her in that same way might very well have its appeal.
Helmut didn't understand this entirely, but he could guess what the woman's emotions stemmed from; he tried to bring his own partner back to him, whispering. "It's not your fault." When Rene's eyes turned to him warningly, he shook his head--not wishing to place more blame on a woman who was already living in such dire pain. "You did what you needed to do."
Lord. The balding man sighed, looking back across the room. It wasn't enough. "We all do what we need to, my love." He sighed again, more softly, his voice quieter. "But who do we hurt in the process?"
There wasn't really an answer to this question--such cosmic concerns far bigger than either of them. Instead, the banker put an arm around his lover, drawing him close; he only relaxed a little, when he heard Rene sigh, leaning further against him, drawing in the comfort he gave. Helmut's voice was gentle. "So, what do we do now?"
He wasn't so much looking for guidance as discussion--and his beloved appreciated him for it, was soothed by the partnership they formed. Still, the questions before them were enormous. Did they risk exposure by continuing to overtly aid the couple? If they did, it wasn't just their own relationship they risked but Kate and Terry's, too; a cold feeling sank through them both. And the latter woman could afford exposure least of all.
This possibility settled uncomfortably in each of them, made such a course impossible. While their own futures were risky enough with such announcements, and Kate's rising place as a designer for the stars' wives would be equally endangered, Terry's fate in such a case didn't bear thinking about. Perhaps the rest of them would be hated, reviled, pushed utterly out of the public eye--their livelihoods more than threatened--but there was always the chance that they could be safe. With Rene, at least, no one might much care, now that he was no longer the special focus of any one gossip. Half the studios' designers were far less than the marrying type. If he agreed to work quietly enough--and for far less money--someone would undoubtedly take him on. Helmut, too, was protected by his money--Kate also, by extension. But poor Terry . . .
Neither of them could finish the thought, weren't even certain where it would go, except somewhere very unpleasant. To be a woman who loved women was bad enough. But to be a *colored* woman who loved women . . .
Rene was the first to speak the truth, his partner understanding. "We can't let them." There were *far* too many dangers inherent in stirring up several such hornets' nests of prejudice and hate all at once.
This truth was established, but none of their options were pleasant, either. The banker probed them, nonetheless. "Do you think he wants the guards removed?"
Rene considered it for a moment. "She didn't mention them." There was another pause. "I wonder if Bauer even knows."
This was possible, of course--the producer's likely partners not the type to share too much information at once. That was something, then. Still, . . .
The silent conclusion they reached pleased neither of them--Helmut the one to voice it. "I'll need to keep away from the studio from now on." It wasn't like he had been there too much before, but he would need to be more careful in the future. "Can you . . .?"
His eye had caught his partner's, their gaze firm. "I'll look after her," he nodded. He would need to. "And Angie and Peter . . ."
Helmut nodded as well, seeing the rest--hoping for the best. To put it mildly, it wasn't the best of plans, could easily get them into trouble. They would just have to appear as though they weren't overtly on the couple's side, would have to forego any public interactions. But there would still be concerned eyes on the pair; the banker's heart thumped. That alone would have to be enough.
It wasn't, really, but there was no way around it. He went back to their previous conversation. "And Anna?"
Lord. Rene's head shook. It was impossible to say, his look so distant. "I tried to convince her, but . . ."
There was nothing else to add. Even for all the designer knew of the woman, it was impossible to predict what she might do. To give up all her, still rather imperiled, safety just to help them look after a couple she knew nothing about--had no reason to care for--didn't seem much like her. Besides, as a woman who had always been forced to take life as it came--usually in the form of rather large fists--she was used to believing that people should learn to fend for themselves. It was rather out of character to think that she could change to aid them now.
They left this conversation, then, no new insights to add. They had already done what they could. There was little more anyone could ask of them now.
The two men had made their decisions, were as focused as it was possible to be. Still, they hadn't discussed any of these new difficulties with the female partners who so thoroughly shared their fate--but they had no intention of doing so. Knowledge, in certain cases, was danger. To let them know would only give them new ways to be hurt.
The couple protected their friends, therefore, didn't wish to add any new strains on their relationship. The pairing Kate and Terry had formed had enough threats as it was. To allow either of them to consider self-sacrifice would only upset them further.
Helmut and Rene looked back to each other, these unspoken truths confirmed--their night beginning; any further threats from Bauer would have to be dealt with in time. Perhaps, in a far less physical sense, their relationship was as endangered as the friends they chose to protect. But maybe, if they could just get Michael and Nikita past their various terrors, they would all be safer. And then all of them could begin to rest far more peacefully at night.
Extra note: Once again, I'm using the more polite end of 1930s racial terminology here in the couple's discussion about Terry. Although condescending now, it's the best I can do and stay even remotely true to the times.
[End of Part 208]
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