<font color=purple size=+2>We're in here >>></font> -- Hammie's Hosed Adventures

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Date Posted: 19:51:51 10/09/01 Tue
Author: Hammie
Subject: We're in here >>>
In reply to: Hammie's Booking Agents 's message, "Hammie Does JaniceM again. Once was not enough!" on 19:46:36 10/09/01 Tue

Hammie: Hi, Janice - what's shakin'?

Janice: Oh, that? Never mind....you'll get used to the cold too and soon you won't even notice the obsolete body part falling off.

Hammie: You need to get that fixed, Janice. I�ll give you the phone number of my vet. I doubt that all the king�s horses and all the king�s men can fix that.

Hammie: I hope you don't mind me making a pitstop here - I saw the flashing 'Hoser' sign in your window and knew this would be a safe place for me to rest my tail. That was a long haul back from Gwen's place in Wales - where am I anyway?

Janice: I understand....my kids can never remember to go before the trip either. It's just along the corridor and wash your paws! You are at lovely Bloomington MN: home of the Mall of America and winter for 6 months a year. The cold keeps everything fresh.....trouble is no one is warm enough to appreciate it! And you noticed my sign! Not as artistic as Shadow's but I'm one of the pushy ones and I felt I needed more pizazz.

Hammie: Well, things �keep� better in the cold, right? You�re looking good! You must have been living here a long time. Wait, that doesn�t sound right. Nevermind, just pass me a slice of that pizazz, please - the one with the mushrooms on it. Thanks.

Hammie: How many pets, kids or husbands live here with you - or will we have the place all to ourselves for my visit?

Janice: You li'l dickens.....as if you could handle being alone with me! Strong men have been known to weep and beg but that's another story. The dh, Dave, lives here and our two sons, Drew and Mike ages 14 and 11. They are out walking the hound, Mars, right now. All are within shouting distance so don't get too excited.

Hammie: Hey! There is nothing little about my dickens. Mars? Hehehehe. Guess they�ll be gone a while, at least long enough for you to share a story or two. What's your favourite thing about living here?

Janice: That this area combines the best of the country and city living. Did you see the big park preserve across the street? Yet I am less than 5 miles away from the country's biggest mall and lots of wonderful theater and concerts just downtown in Minneapolis. It's a very clean city; high standard of living and all due to the fact that 40 below keeps the riffraff out. So don't let anyone see you ok or they will be asking for your rabies certificate and license or putting you in a 12 step program.

Hammie: Not again! I�ve been through more steps than Fred Astaire. What would it take for you to move to Scotland and who all would you definitely have to take with you?

Janice: I did live in London for almost three years when I was younger and had less committments...now I am just trying to stay out of being committed. I'd love to travel there again but not live there. If I ever moved I would take Dave-----he is too domesticated to survive long without help and the boys too. I could stay in touch with my �Net pals� so I wouldn't miss them.

Hammie: Yeah, know what you mean. I�ve been committed a time or two, too. So tell us a little bit about this obsession you have with Lallybroch. How and when did you find us and what was your reaction when you found out there were others just like you?

Janice: I am terrible at dates----and this from a history major-----but it was over two years ago. I finally had a computer and I decided to see if anyone
else liked the Books as much as I did. SUPRISE SUPRISE SUPRISE! I found Lallybroch, strolled around for a few weeks, discovered I liked the place and began my insidious campaign to be accepted.....don't tell them, ok?

Hammie: I can help you get better with dates. We�ll start after this interview. Do you remember who the first Hoser was that you emailed or received an email from?

Janice: TTLLYHOSED and Lissakay welcomed me and soon Ron and I developed a friendship. Ron was also the first Hoser I met. He was very nice and I fooled him too *G*

Hammie: Let me mark this down. I haven�t met any of those hosers yet. Ok. Ever had a full body massage and, if so, did anyone take pictures?

Janice: But of course, cherie....haven't you? Come on up to the Guest Room and let me get the towels and oil warm. Pictures....no, too gauche but there are some audio tapes. However you will need to speak to Dave about hearing them.

Hammie: HOT DOG! But we have to finish the interview first. Well, do you have any other pictures that you want to show off then? Oh, here�s one - boy, you're sure a happy lookin' Hoser!

Hammie: As you probably know, I'm on a search for my creator and I won't stop until I've found her/him. So.....is this the last visit I'll be making or are you going to deny any involvement too?

Janice: Sorry....you weren't conceived/created/born here, Banzai Buckaroo. THAT I would have remembered. 'Sides having a fur coat worthy of the temps, you are a bit scrawny for these parts. We are in the Land of the Vikings --- big chaps, long bodies, great legs, blonde/red hair and blue eyes (sound familiar) or maybe you come from that Lake Woebegone place?

Hammie: Of course it sounds familiar, and how nice of you to notice my fine form. My eyes really are blue. I�m just wearing red contact lenses. Lake Woebegone? Omigosh! Are they still calling it that? I had heard that they changed the name once I left. Guess they are still hoping that I will return some day.

Hammie: Have you seen Elvis lately?

Janice: Isn't he in Lake Woebegone too?

Hammie: HAHAHAHA! Could be, I guess. Who was the friend you had the most fun with growing up and do you have a funny story of the two of you that you'll never forget?

Janice: I have a great friend, Carol, and we still are in touch. We did all the girl stuff: Shopping, talking, boys, but once we locked a teacher out of the room by convincing another classmate to hold on to the doorknob and not let go if she wanted to earn an "A" in the class. We got by doing awful stuff like that because we always had a great story to explain our actions. We were headed to a life of crime only to be cut short when her parents moved and she left with them (sigh).

Hammie: A real friend is a treasure! A life of crime, eh? Did you inhale?

Janice: I grew up in the sixties when we just said "yes" to drugs so everybody was inhaling. Now if I inhale too quickly, I pass out.

Hammie: (Note to self - don�t get Janice too excited) Do you consider yourself a grown-up?

Janice: Sometimes.....when I have to tell the children to get organized, get done, get over it and so on but deep down when no one is looking, I'm faking it. So you want to party now or eat first?

Hammie: Um, can I have another slice of that pizzaz? Oh, and Janice, you don�t have to fake it with me.

Hammie: So how long ago did you find The Books? Were you lucky enough to be able to read all four one after the other or did you have to wait in between?

Janice: I found OUTLANDER in 1991. I saw this HC book with a clock and plaid and a woman holding a horse and thought........hmmm, do I want to spend HC prices on an unknown author? I resisted for months but each time I went back to the store, there it was so I succumbed and have been happily a junkie ever since. DIA came out fairly quickly after O but it was a long spell between the others. But I'm from
MN, we are used to waiting out long cold spells.

Hammie: You are face to face with Laoghaire. Is there anything that you would like to tell her?

Janice: Actually I KNOW Leghair or at least girl-women like her and no, you can't tell them anything. But you can give their addresses out to all solicitors and telephone sales people and you can slip cayenne pepper into their food and stuff such as that. Too cruel, maybe? Nahhh.

Hammie: You sound like a very wise and colorful hoser. Do you paint your toenails?

Janice: Naturally....want to suck on them? Wait!! Let me wash them first.....you greedy rodent.

Hammie: Mmmmmm... Popsicle toes. Yum!

Hammie: Sock sock, shoe shoe, or sock shoe, sock shoe?

Janice: Barefoot is the first choice but if forced to wear foot coverings they had better look good and it is socks first and shoes second so I can get the overall effect. I DO love a nice shoe/boot.

Hammie: So where are your favourite places to hang out at Lallybroch and about how many times a day do you check the boards?

Janice: Who's checking this? Have you been talking to my boss? Have the kids been complaining again.....I just fed them yesterday! My favorite is the QOTD.....I love the choices Lallybrochers make and their blurbs on why. I also check out the Social Board and the Kirk. I am there no more than I need to be.....OK?

Hammie: HAHAHAHA! Simmer down. Breathe, Janice, breathe. Janice? Janice? JANICE! Looks like I�ll have to do
mouth to mouth..... .... .... Hey! Somebody help me outta here!

Hammie: How do you think The Books will end?

Janice: They will kiss and the sun will set and we will believe they live happily ever after------I want that ending.

Hammie: Like happy endings, do you? Glad to hear it! hehehe

Hammie: More Frank in Books 5 and 6 or no Frank in Books 5 or 6?

Janice: Frankly, I like Frank so yes, I hope so and more Bonnet and more Leghair too. The villains are marvelous. And as far as Frank is concerned we need to know what else he gave Rev Wakefield which is in the boxes and why he taught Bree to survive in the C18.....did he "find" a reference to her? And whether Bree paints those miniatures of Jamie and Claire and what else is going to happen to Roger??

Hammie: All good points to ponder. Well, thank you for being such a great hostess, Janice. I've really enjoyed my visit with you here today and if you dinna mind I think I'll rest up before I move on. I think I'll go curl up in your bed, if that's okay?

Janice: Not MY bed------here's a shoebox lined with fresh paper and a little drip bottle for you. Eat all your pellets now or no dessert and turn out the lights as you leave. Thanks for visiting, Hammie. Sorry I wasn't able to solve the mystery of where you came from. I do have a book on reproduction if that would help? No? Ok, see you around and mind the step.

Hammie: I don�t need no stinkin� book. Mind the step? Oh not again! No more steps, please. It�s funny, because when I was visiting with Gwen, in Wales, and I passed through London, they told me to mind the gap. Okay, well, bye Janice! I had a great time!

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Replies:

You fooled me, Janice? Well, two can play at that game! *VBG!!* Our meeting is a story in itself. Rain, no coffee shop, etc. as well as a potentially worried DH! We got along fine, all three of us. (and still do!) (NT) -- Ron, 23:03:31 10/09/01 Tue