Author:
Holly reposting for Isabel
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 11:45:37 07/29/01 Sun
Hello! I'm re-gathering the stuff I lost when my old computer bit the dust, and I'm re-working the stuff I'd already worked up for the TMYS hard copy edition (I back-burnered the project when I got pregnant, but I didn't kill it). I asked Isabel for some help with some of what I'd lost, and she sent me this beauty. Enjoy!
"Merry Christmas"
Copyright 1999 by LP
-------
You won't understand me, I know you won't. I've tried
to explain myself to the people that know me best and
they only look at me in confusion. Why should you be
any different?
You probably imagine me making a snort of disgust at
this point. Or banging my hand on a table then
looking at you all tragic-like. Poor, poor me. But
again you would be wrong. I told you you wouldn't get
it. You think I care? Believe me, caring is not a
problem I have anymore. As if.
Have I made you mad yet? You think I'm unfair? I'm
talking about you like I know you, like I know what
you're going to do when I haven't even told you the
story. What? You want to prove me wrong? Forget
it. I haven't written this to set up some sort of
challenge you can rise to, so you can think of
yourself as this smart compassionate chick who can
figure me out. Like I said, I don't care. And that's
not just a cover for my sadly battered heart. I'm not
reaching out.
Besides, by the time you read this, it won't matter.
There. You're doing it again. Trying to get into my
head. Just stop it, alright. I'm not going to give
you anything. I'm not going to tell you what happened
or what I'm planning. I know this is just a stupid
story to you, but this is my life and I'm not going to
put it out there for you to dissect. You want
motivation? Here's this -- things just aren't going
so well. You want sense of place? Think the middle
of nowhere. You want to see me? Look in the fucking
mirror.
I'm scaring you, aren't I? You think I'm going to do
something stupid. Like maybe even (come on, let's
whisper it together), s-u-i-c-i-d-e. I hate it when
people think I'm stupid. What, you think I can't
handle this? You think I'm going to break like that
pathetic. . . Oh, no. No no no no. You almost tricked
me there. You're kind of sneaky, you know that?
Looking at me with those pretty eyes like you give a
shit. Like you could. You don't even know me. And
believe me, you're better off. What's with you
anyway? How about you fix your own life and just stay
the hell out of mine.
I didn't ask you to read this, you know. We've all
got choices and you just made a bad one. And you
thought I was stupid.
Aw, poor baby. Not having much fun, are you? You
don't know me from Adam, but I think right now you're
getting the picture that I'm not very nice. Took you
long enough. So why don't you do us both a favor and
just leave? Go away. Vamoose. Skedaddle. Take a
hike. Get the hell out of Dodge. Leave me alone. I
don't need you.
I don't need anybody.
Why are you still here? You got some sort of
savior-complex? You getting off on seeing me this
way? I know your kind. Believe me, you only think
you want to help -- mostly what you want to do is make
yourself feel better. And I'm done being used that
way. You want to be a saint, go help some other
sinner.
God, you're pathetic. You know that?
Forget it. This is hopeless. I'm out of here.
And listen -- if anything happens, I want you to know
something -- it's your goddamned fault. How do you
like that? Think of it as a gift. Fuck you and go to
hell. Merry Christmas.
Heh heh heh. Sick bastard is right. You know, maybe
you do understand me after all. Such a smart cookie.
Aren't you glad you made the effort?
Bitch. You're just like all the others. But believe
me, you can't hate me any more than I hate myself.
But don't worry, I'll be out of your hair soon enough.
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
|
Feedback: 