Author:
Brian Miller
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Date Posted: 15:07:29 09/03/04 Fri
>>There is nothing to live for. I want to die but I'm
>even too chicken to do it. I tried to die in a car
>crash but I didn't even get hurt bad. I hate my life,
>Help me die
I stumbled on to this site just typing in a few words, "I want to die." It's disturbing and gratifying at the same time how many posts there are. Disturbing in that it's a horrible topic, but gratifying in that I'm not the only one. Yes, I want to die. No, I don't want to die. Let me clarify this, as Don Knotts said in "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken" (if you haven't seen the movie, see it because it's a cool nostalgic movie I remember from the days when schools still showed movies in 16mm format, God I long for those days). The world moves on. It's a hard fact to accept, but it's the truth. I threw away my chances of a good life, and I have to accept that. I wanted to be a writer, and I still want to be a writer. More specifically, I want to be a screenwriter (always loved movies and still do with a passion). Some of you may be wondering, where is this going. Well, I'm drunk, so bare with me, please. I have put a blade to my wrist, and I was so close to doing it. I guess I can tell you all this, because there is no way for you to know who I am, where I live, etc. Anyway, I was very close to ending my life. And I may do it again, no promises. But, and this is a BIG but, I don't think, if I had done it, that I would have been doing the RIGHT thing. Let me tell you a bit about myself. I am single, 29 years old, alone and lonely most of the time. I'm an ugly person, inside and out, but I think I have a bit of beauty buried way down inside, so far down that maybe no one can see it. But there's always the hope, right? Anyway, I'll tell you my biggest problems. Number one, I'm ugly, like I said. I'm an unnattractive man who would love to look like Brad Pitt's better-looking brother, but I'm not. Number two, I'm impotent naturally, mostly because of my nervous personality, I guess. I can't get it up with a woman without Viagra. And I love sex. Wow, that's a big problem without money. Which leads me to problem number three. I don't have much money at all. I work in a laundry at a hotel, and they don't care enough about their employees to pay them any kind of a decent wage. So, there I am, stuck in a dead end job, this loser with so many problems (did I mention I have what's commonly termed as bitch-tits, a physical defect that afflicts some men after puberty that makes our upper body look more like a woman's than a man's?). I want to die because of all this. I was never neglected, abused, or mistreated as a child, and my heart goes out to anyone who was, but my problems in the now make me think suicidal thoughts. I won't even go into the things that have happened to my family in the last year, but they haven't been pleasant. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, to paraphrase an old cliche, tomorrow is another day. We never know what is around the corner. Could be good, could be bad, but we have to make ourselves strong enough to face it--whatever it is. Don't kill yourself, please.
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