| Subject: Re: I want to die now~~The Point |
Author:
Littlegirl
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Date Posted: 16:06:16 11/24/04 Wed
>Its funny, but I don't feel suicidal, I think I'm
>already dead. I don't feel angry anymore, just the
>calmness of someone who is empty and tired. I have
>friends to talk to, but there nothing to say except
>that I wish I wasn't the person that I am . I wish my
>father could be proud of me one time and not think
>that I 'm some kind of demented waste of life. I wish
>that I wasn't such a dissapointment. I wish I still
>had faith, and that I could feel the presence of
>God,or someone . I wish that there was someone with me
>right now who could love me because they chose to not
>because of some obligation. I wish I could feel
>something more than the numbness that has become my
>new home. I wish that I didn't have my memory. That I
>woke up tomorrow and nothing was real. I wish I could
>mentally stop my heart from beating, why can't
>someone put me out of my misery, why do I get to live
>, me , a worthless empty shell, while so many good
>people die. How can this not be hell? how can I fear
>death when this is hell. When I was born, iwas very
>sick, at about six weeks I almost died, I always felt
>like maybe I was supposed to, maybe something got
>mixed up and I lived instead, maybe God forgot about
>me, maybe He doesn't know I'm still alive . I wish I
>didn't hate my father, I wish I could forgive him, But
>something tells me that we'll never be close , that
>whatever happened to him in his young life, whatever
>hardships that he went through, his bitterness has
>completely consumed him. I think that is what's
>happening to me now . I wonder if today was my last
>day, would I know it, could I tell
Hello All. This message is from sometime ago, but I wanted to let everyone Know how it has turned out. I have put this man out of His misery, I am in love with Him. He is not like His father, He is not like anyone else i've known. He has given me hope, and in return, I share mine with Him. Funny thing He thinks God forgot about him; to me He is God. I understand Him, I have faith in Him, and He gets me through each day.
Your life is -NEVER- a waste. You, someone with nothing but pain and darkness and death, can show me reality, make me love life, and give me hope. Be someone that you want to be, because You are my reason to live.
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