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Date Posted: Sun, Feb 05 2006, 14:09:57
Author: cometh the hour cometh the man
Subject: Re: Current affairs
In reply to: the thinking man's racist 's message, "Re: Current affairs" on Sun, Feb 05 2006, 13:31:36

There is only one man who can save us; Airborne Ranger and killing machine Jimbo Wells. Here are some things you didnt know about the hardest paratrooper in Leeds:

Jimbo Wells Facts

1. Jimbo Wells’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Jimbo Wells does not sleep. He waits.
3. The chief export of Jimbo Wells is pain.
4. Jimbo Wells defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Jimbo Wells loves you.
5. Jimbo Wells isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Jimbo Wells.
6. If you can see Jimbo Wells, he can see you. If you can’t see Jimbo Wells you may be only seconds away from death.
7. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Jimbo Wells.
8. Jimbo Wells can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
9. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Jimbo Wells allows to live.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Jimbo Wells, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
11. Jimbo Wells invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
12. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Jimbo Wells could use to kill you, including the room itself.
13. Jimbo Wells is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
14. When Jimbo Wells goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
15. Jimbo Wells has two speeds: walk and kill.
16.When Jimbo Wells jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Jimbo Wells instead.
17. Jimbo Wells can divide by zero.
18. Jimbo Wells can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
19. When Jimbo Wells runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
20. Jimbo Wells sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled ability to kill. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Jimbo roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
21. When Jimbo Wells sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Jimbo Wells has not had to pay taxes ever.
22. Jimbo Wells has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
23. A blind man once stepped on Jimbo's shoe. Jimbo replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Jimbo Wells!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Jimbo Wells.
24. Jimbo ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
25. Every time Jimbo Wells smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Jimbo Wells only smiles after he kills someone.
26. A man was once stranded on the side of the road after his car ran out of petrol. Jimbo Wells drove by, got out, and looked the man in the eye. The man knew that everything would be fine. Then Jimbo proceeded to piss into the man's petrol tank and to this very day that man has never had to fill his gas tank up again. That was 14 years ago.
27. It was once believed that Jimbo Wells actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Jimbo Wells himself to lure more pirates to him.
28. Jimbo Wells can hear silence.
30. Jimbo Wells cares nothing for numeracy.

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