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Subject: The ride continues

Author:
allyson

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Date Posted: 09:53:46 11/24/04 Wed

Locked in my room behind closed doors. Sleeping. Boy, I haven't been in this place in a long time.

In comes the hex, "why are you sleeping so much?" "Your avoiding your life."

Then comes the question, "would you like to have a date?"

The feeling of the hex rises to the surface. I can feel my resistance, in the form of the hex. I have to choose. Do I continue to contract or do I expand. I say yes. The thought comes into my head that now it is easy. All I have to do is surrender. Just surrender to my orgasm.

I have a date. All there is is pure sensation. I can feel parts of my body unlocking. My heart. My chest. My stomach. The sensation gets locked right along my bikini line. It feels like a band of energy holding me. I relax the lines. The energy releases from my pussy. Then, it comes out in a steady stream of energy. There is no stopping it now. The dam has broken. Conceptual thoughts fly around in the air. "It is so simple." "All it is is energy releasing." "It is just so simple." I see all the drama flashing before my eyes. It all looks so silly.

After the date, I can feel the withholds still built up inside of my mind. My body has released but now it is time for my head to get on the same page. I ask Becca to run withholds with me tonight. She says yes.

I'm driving in the car to the center with Rob. He talks to me about bringing sensuality up to the next level. I feel all the withholds in me stack themselves in a line behind my mouth. Do I speak? Do I tell the truth? If I tell the truth, I know my resistance will die. And only pleasure will take it's place. I have been right in that spot so many times. Countless. And now I see the reason why. The reason is so that I can say yes. So that I can say the truth. Because I know what happens when I don't. My life is flashing before me. Somehow this has everything to do with everything. My happiness. My life. Being awake. Not asleep.

I say them. One after another I just pour them out. I feel the fear before saying each one. "Oh my god, if I say this one, this will happen." I moved past the fear and just say it anyway. Ah, afterwards I can breathe again. I just breath. And it feels like a big release. The air is clear.

Now, my resistance has fallen away. I don't feel contracted anymore. I feel clear.

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