Stumbling, fumbling, flailing and messy -- Welcome to the II Chatboard

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Subject: Stumbling, fumbling, flailing and messy

Author:
Joshua

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Date Posted: 00:37:06 12/08/04 Wed

Okay, granted, I can lay it on pretty thick. But jesus christ, can a guy help being in love with everyone. And those that I deem special, an errant word, sideways glance or a forgotten date pokes all the way through my- dare I say it - heart. I have no feasable defense. Any that I do mount in reaction always come off distorted and weird like some beaten boxer emptily swinging his fists in an attempt to grab some shred of dignity. It hurts. No matter what. Sometimes it's in bits, other times they're teeth gnashing bites. I know, dramatic...Did I mention I'm in outer space, bouncing off nearby planets? The back of my hand smarts from smacking jagged mountains as I too quickly adjust to balance. I keep falling forward and just as I'm about to tumble over I find a toe-grip to push off from, giving me some air. But it seems to only delay the inevitable; or rather, the reopening. Do I have expectations? Yes. Of a profound life. And I do want to take the high road and live above it all and be able to watch, but I want to get messy too. With you. I want to be tangled up, lost in your desire, your hunger. Am I asking for too much? I could be naive. What right do I have to ask that of you, or anyone? The only one I'm responsible for is myself, right?

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