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Subject: one step

Author:
marvin

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Date Posted: 15:56:34 12/19/04 Sun
In reply to: Suz 's message, "aaahhh..." on 15:32:57 12/19/04 Sun

As a group we have a long afternoon discussion about sex and intimacy and relationships. later outside on the sidewalk A bums a cigarette off G and we are sharing it. these are people with whom I�ve become more comfortable over the past few weeks because I�ve spent time with them without much of an agenda. she tells me that she would like to have a date with me some time. Great, when? G is right there with a good idea ��how about right now? I�ll set up the massage table upstairs for you.� good idea. A is considering it. Then G says maybe it could be a double date�

it is going to happen. we go upstairs and I�m psyched. But now A has reconsidered, maybe a double date not such a good idea. ok, I�m thinking, too bad for G. --but now it appears she prefers G to do it. Oh. well, can�t blame her since she is feeling good and probably wants to get done (not just practiced on) and I like it she is doing exactly what she wants right then..

And so I will guard the steps to prevent intruders.. I go downstairs and I see R is working in the kitchen. �why are you just standing there?� he asks. I explain and obviously there�s no reason not to go over and help him, can guard the steps form there. he is wrapping muffins. So now I�m wrapping muffins in saran wrap while G has taken over my do date upstairs with A. wow this is just like working the caf� during the massage buffet when G is upstairs doing acrobatic massage on sexy girls. so here I am again, being a good guy. I am pretty good at being good, so good that I�ll be good rather than authentic or honest, even with myself.. also good at being flexible and receptive .. and not doing. I�m on the bench and G is in the game, my game, and yet I really am not all that pissed about it. it is funny. I like G, I like A, I am part of it. so I am wrapping muffins and I can be ok with that..

--and yet I want just to keep wrapping these fuckin� muffins? why not have some fun?

I notice S talking with K and it occurs to me to ask her for a date after G and A are done.. so I bounce over there but she and K are talking so I bounce back and wrap more muffins. She comes over. There was something? she asks. well not really, i say, and anyway it was rooted partly in envy. well, what? so I tell her about it. she is excited yet reluctant and yet here A already is coming downstairs. good, ok. let�s go, and we go upstairs. table. xmas lights. lube. she suggests gloves because just off her period. ok. gloves.

her stomach is warm. I hold it for awhile rubbing in circles. she has lots of energy after the afternoon session, I feel warmth, movement inside her, we talk about it, she is exhilarated, I am feeling her exhilaration, sharing the joy of it, I am relaxed� then lube, stroking up slowly, then down. other hand down below on the perineum (not quite in introitus though I didn�t know that for sure until later) ..also i failed to put the gloves on quite right so they�re not tight enough on either hand, and a bit floppy at the crucial tip of my right forefinger, but I proceed, using the tip of my finger even though its not the tip of the glove. and her warmth flows right through the glove and she�s getting warmer. I feel a lot in my finger and hands right away. she is turned on.

She gives me some guidance � further down, good even slower, long slow strokes, ok now in circles. I don�t feel obsessed with touching in exactly the right place. she feels electric, warm, moving. Her quiet moans encourage me. my hand wants to move by itself as if in response to something in her or in me not dependent on thoughts about what to do next. the way I�ve seen N�s hands vibrate freely in the demos. I let my hand move this way and that, keeping loose contact with the clit or perhaps now the hood, it feels right and again she quietly reassures me. I look at her face, her eyes are closed, she is into it.

I slow down, stroke down with my hand, hold for a moment, stop, then stroking the clit again. small, light strokes, she wants the longer and slower ones like before and tells me so. it is good to be connected in this way. my own body now is surging with a flow of light smooth fluid sensations. I go slow and long, I stop and hold. my entire body suffused with fine sensations. is she feeling this too or am I lost in my own sensations? I really don�t know. I feel wary of being lost in my sensations rather than using them to keep my attention on her, so I move my hand, she moans immediately, we are in touch, we didn�t lose touch, I keep stroking.

I hear voices downstairs -- is that a strange voice of someone here to prepare for the evening event? maybe we should bring it down? yes, ok she says. But she shifts her body slightly to say No, lets continue. so I stroke again and she smiles, and I see she is turned on by the idea of someone strange walking in and we are back in rhythm. she still wants the long slow strokes. now circles would be nice, she says, and I am not thinking at all about what is next. I notice she is twisting her left nipple with her left hand, now her right one too. my finger is electric. I notice my right arm and hand are naturally adopting the crooked �looking at a watch� position that R mentions but always before it felt awkward, tight. my finger is connected, my upper body draws back away as if pulling energy out of her clit and pelvis, again I am aware of smooth fluid yet oddly also solid permeating soft sensations, and again quiet, almost nothing happening, as I�m pulled back, then releasing, stroking again. More voices. --lost. --she says, hello I got lost for a few seconds. yes me too. I think maybe its time, I say, so we don�t overplay it. ok, she smiles, and this time I ignore her body�s contradictory instructions.

my left hand adjusts slightly actually to find the introitus, thumb slides in a couple of inches and presses down. my right hand on her pelvis pressing down, not quite the right place. she adjusts the hand so its right on top of the bone. energy is still moving smoothly. we stay there for a few minutes. we talk, laugh about how exciting were the voices.. we fold the table together. gather up things. go downstairs�

I recall a journal entry from N where she described a spontaneous date.. reading it, I�d not gotten it. now I�ve done it myself. it was fun, simple enough, I saw a choice between stuck or move; and moved. � .. later that night.. we are in the lobby of the circus, watching kids do somersaults, waiting for things to begin. it seems to me that attractive women in this lobby are noticing me tonight, looking directly into my eyes. am I just imagining this? or they are drawn? why? I don�t know. I�m not exuding the normal subtle need tonight? maybe. Perhaps they are feeling her flow through me.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
that was...	Suz	12:07:05 12/20/04 Mon