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| Subject: Community... | |
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Author: Dawn |
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Date Posted: 23:29:24 01/22/05 Sat Two weeks ago…beginning as a casual dinner-date, I was surprised. Unaccustomed to being with a man who could meet my gaze, touch me deeply, and match my energy, I lept down yet another rabbit-hole. ‘This could be it!’ – Alice was off again. The rabbit, however, is looking a bit different than the fleeting glimpse she thought she saw! Since her whirlwind introduction into InSight, she has experienced community in a new way. “Which people sitting in this circle do you think can’t handle who you are? You’ll both learn a lot,” said the Queen of Hearts. Shit…Alice’s insides did flip-flops…name them?! Yet, looking into the eyes of each person sitting in the Taboo circle, she felt safe in her being. She felt so much presence and love – from EVERY person. Having lived many adventures already, she is not often surprised anymore – yet this was an exception. And the surprises have continued. Alice aside, what I have found thus far is a community of people living and thriving together very intimately. The quality of intimacy comes from the degree of truth that is spoken. Truth – not just the small truth, but the big, scary, vulnerable truth. The uncomfortable. The potentially painful. And in so telling, there is great liberation. I have looked hard at my own desires. Why do I want what I think I want? How flexible can I be – how far can I bend before I break – and then what? Will I lose myself, or find myself? What if I just haven’t built the bridge, or found the door where he and I can meet? And if it’s not him…then what about him? Exploration… I am used to sharing deep intimacy with many people – with my energy, presence, closeness…yet certain types of kissing and lovemaking have been on the “Sacred” table for my (One) partner and I. Why those two things, and share everything else? And why not, when there are so many ways of being turned-on? Am I just not enlightened enough for multiple-partners? He jokes with me regarding children and the father’s presence, “You mean you don’t just want to join the community and be inseminated by one of us?!” We laugh – 90% funny, 10% nervousness. Trying to find the door… It’s all good. There is no wrong, we’re all right. Depth, growth, truth, and deep passionate yummy Mmmm…can occur many ways. Yet it’s nights like this one when I think being a no-sexual might not be so bad. Tired of disappointment, of not feeling met, of opening up and then watching them run away. Or…are they just conspiring to give me PRECISELY what I want by not allowing me to mould myself into something that ‘could’ work well, but isn’t my heart’s desire. God bless them all (as I am Blessed by them)! What angels I have in my life…and what rich, lush, deep, and beautifully present experiences and lovers and friends I’ve communed with… Moments…connection…sacred union…the creation and birth of the stars and universe in and through me. Melting, merging, ONE… I yearn for it again. It stills the voice that tempts me to avoid the pain, saying “’Get thee to a nunnery!’ Channel all that sexual energy into work/play, writing, running, serving…“ Shocking perhaps for this group! Or maybe not… And then I question myself and my life path and what I assist people with – including exquisite intimacy – and I throw up my hands. Either I take that sharp left turn on Hwy 1…or I get back on the horse and ride. Oddly, that’s what I did as a 2 year old. Couldn’t wait to get clothes on after the bath, so I went streaking through the house to the toy horse. Took me years to understand why Dale Stockton always called me “Lady Godiva.” Maybe things haven’t really changed…really… [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
| Subject | Author | Date |
| Community | DJ | 10:11:06 01/23/05 Sun |
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| beautiful | allyson | 14:22:28 01/26/05 Wed |
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| I agree | Kristen | 16:25:32 01/26/05 Wed |
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