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Subject:  What I Got From the Course |
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Author: Jessie |
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Date Posted: 01:33:35 08/22/04 Sun What did I get from the Course? What I said I wanted when I walked in the door was accurate: I wanted to learn how to better please a woman. But how I wanted to get that experience was not the way I envisioned it. I thought that I wanted to physically DO a woman at the course--- but when I found myself in that situation, that just wasn't what I wanted. I thought knowing that I was good at DOing would make me more confident and more dominant with women. But I realized today that the kind of power that I crave needs to be generated somewhere else, and simply carried over into DOing (when I'm in a situation that is right for me). I realized that no course or other person can make me powerful--- it has to come from within, from surrender. And in order to surrender to desire, I have to admit desire and be willing to face rejection, which I think is the most difficult thing in the world. I realized that I've taken the submissive-femme role with my girlfriend not because it's who I am, but because putting her in the more aggressive role means that I know she wants me when she comes to get me. I play that game a lot--- I wear a sexy outfit, send out my "I want you" vibes, and then sit there, scared to death, hoping the woman will pick up on them, like me back, and come and get me. But if I'm sitting on my ass, looking scared to death, what are the chances she's going to think I'm ready for her to come and get me? So, assuming that everything really is attainable, what I want is for women to make me feel safe and cuddly until the turn-on pops up, then whisper something to the effect of "I like you, come and get me, I'm ready," and then for me to take on being a total dominatrix--- (and an incredibly sexy, irresistible one at that). So, after I "got" this while driving home, totally crying my eyes out, I told it all to my girlfriend (along with the pile of witholds that I had been racking up with her since day one)--- and she didn't say she hated me and she didn't run away. *sigh of relief* I think it's one of the best conversations I've ever had with her simply because it was completely honest--- eventhough it leaves us in the we'll-probably-break-up-when-school-starts place. I told her all of the things I liked about her, and then I told her the not-so-nice witholds--- like I hate lube (i think it's wet and slimy and gross), i hate pubic hair (i prefer when women shave it off), and i want to be more turned on before we have sex. After her little lube-loving heart was crushed (she likes lube as much as Nicole does) and she told me that my preferences made me a "bad lesbian," she was like, "Whoa. It's kinda hot that you're being this in-control. Now this is the woman that i like!" (You see, she met me when I was really drunk at a party and dancing on a table in my catholic school girl skirt with my crazy pledge mom). Anyway, after I started being direct--- and powerful!) with her, she finally got out of "but I don't want to hurt you, baby," went from good-girl to bad-girl, and turned me on! If we were in the same city, I would have put on a sexy little outfit and tied her to my bed. (but alas, we were 2000 miles apart...) I think we're still going to break-up, but we want to have good sex first. So, what I'm trying to say by telling you this long story is that I DID accomplish my goal of learning how to better please a woman--- but in an unexpected way. I learned that all the women in my life want is for me to stop twirling my hair and saying “I don’t know” (as cute as it is) and be as powerful as I know I can be, and surrender to my desire--- from that space, DOing and everything else just falls into place (As my girlfriend says, the DOing is fine, just stop giving me excuses, and fucking DO it!) Yes, ma’am. Can I get an earlier flight to Chicago? [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
| Subject | Author | Date |
| And the winner is . . . | Carl | 10:06:58 08/22/04 Sun |
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