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Subject: Sitting with myself & wonderful realizations

Author:
Suz

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Date Posted: 07:52:39 08/25/04 Wed

Letter to Keith:
Thank you for feeling my presence (and loving it). It certainly is split between two world right now. It is strangely enticing to go home to an empty, echoing flat. The observances are quirky. I find it funny that I literally have close to nothing to do there but sit with myself and at first I was wandering from room to room sweeping and picking up boxes and moving them around (why?). Then I stopped and noticed this. I noticed how hard it is to just be with me. To just be. So I sat. And as I sat I felt. I felt a weird hollow feeling. Not hollow like empty--but hollow like space that has emptied and is waiting to be filled. As though there is nothing in between my heart and my gut but air and a sucking sensation. And I looked around at the empty space and I realized that what made the space so wonderful wasn't the position of the furniture or the light or the windows. The walls and the floors weren't responsible for my feeling warm and creative when home at night. It wasn't any of those things---It was me. I made the space special and warm and creative and fantastic. I made it more than the empty shell of a space that echos with a hollow sound of lonliness that I see before me. Me. My life and my soul were here and now that are waiting to fill another space. Wonderful realization.

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