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| Subject: Conscious Peaking. Deliberate Valleying. | |
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Author: KB |
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Date Posted: 10:20:47 10/06/04 Wed Mrs. Burke offers me a piece of chocolate. I say ok. Take it. Look at it. Know where eating it takes me. To no place pretty. I want to eat it. It calls to me. I resist, we talk a while - she eats her lunch, the kids play aside us. Off to dance class. The chocolate in my trunk. I have been working a 12 step program for sugar and flour addiction for over 8 months now. "You could deliver a baby in that time," a fellow on the phone during my little girls' dance class remarks. "The chocolate is calling to me, Jill. It feels like there is a cord attached from it to my heart. I dont want to eat it. I dont want to keep living my life this way. I know i want to do it differently but part of me is like fuck it." She says, "Something's got to give. Say the serenity prayer out loud with me." We do. Her voice is tender and loving. She gives all of herself in this moment to me. I am grateful. I am scared. I am angry. I feel the tears. I feel the orgasm. She is talking - i hear her voice feel connected to it but dont make out any words. I am coming. I sit in my parked car in a school parking lot, waiting for two 7 year olds to finish dance class. There are other parents around. My car door is flung open, and under my sun glasses, tears are puddling. I am going up. My sacrum begins filling like a balloon of elastic and my entroitus tugs downward as a thick taught rubberband. My ass starts contracting slow and rhythmically. The space around my heart is tight and i feel like my lower back is going to snap and i will just start convulsing. I try to just allow this to be inside me. This volcano that is me, that isnt me but that wants to hurricane through me. I close my eyes and release. Jill is still talking to me. She hears my sob. "Are you ok?" She says. "Yes," i respond. "Just feeling it, you know." As i take some short breaths the suspension sensation lifts and as if a thick elastic balloon has been punctured, i feel that lengthwise massage down my spine and the musculature around it. The saliva in my mouth is rekindled. Breathing feels easy now and rounded. Contractions spread from my ass to my pussy and inside my labia a tube of air molecules of pleasure stream out, from back to front as if the source is my tailbone. My sacrum has spread out, flattened and feels malleable now. Releasing, almost itself contracting. I feel freed. Jill is still talking. She is recommending i do some career focusing, find out what i really want to do in my life. I have just gone over the edge and she is not here with me. "You know what? I think i need to go and just feel all this for a little while. I feel a LOT better. Thank you so much for the call.." I get out of the car, open the trunk, get the chocolate out and take it to the nearest trash can. Made it through another craving. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
| Subject | Author | Date |
| HALLE-f*ckin-LUJAH, BABY! | AJ | 06:15:01 10/08/04 Fri |
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