THE OPENING~(more to come post-digestion) -- Welcome to the II Chatboard

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Subject: THE OPENING~(more to come post-digestion)

Author:
Elana

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Date Posted: 10:55:14 05/17/04 Mon

The first day of my opening�today. The build up has been extreme, almost unbearable at times. Now a new development, we�re going up to Sea Ranch to a house in the woods�.EXACTLY WHAT I ASKED FOR. I realize how I�ve �ordered short�. It happened a few weeks ago. I was getting to the desperate point about the course. Feeling tight & constricted in my body. Getting bitchy with Bill Feeling unsatisfied. The thought��how come I never get what I want?� kept passing through my head. Then, I had the thought..�What I�m not getting is the Course to actually begin!� Knowing full well that I was already in it and this was part of it. UGH!!!!

I was stuck in anticipation, tumescence and it was REALLY uncomfortable. After talking w/Nic, I decided to surrender to my role as beloved. Though, part of what I see happens to me when I�m playing beloved is I stop asking for what I want. This coupled with the discomfort I felt was enough sensation in my body to have me disconnect from it altogether.

So here I am on the very day of the Opening. My sensual life has soared to another height this week. I had my first do date with a woman! I hung out naked with other friends, a man and a woman, and we gave each other energetic do dates. I had the best date of my life yesterday and then had another date with L. And then�last night I opened a writhing pandora�s box full of my humiliation around sensuality and what I feel in my body.

What I�m realizing is how much sensation I can feel and when it gets too overwhelming I just check out~disconnect, leave the present moment. Whewwww�..deep breath. I return home from yoga, where I was moaning through practice~releasing SO much held energy, to listen to 2 phone messages, both of them asking me what I wanted and giving me choices of what I might want. HOW FUCKING AMAZING!!! I am surrounded by friends who truly want me to have it EXACTLY how I want it! It�s almost overwhelming, but I�m having too much fun basking in the love & sensation to care!!

(written Saturday May 14)

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
You are opening the space for all of us	A.J.	22:42:46 05/18/04 Tue