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Date Posted: 07:32:28 12/13/08 Sat
Author: YolandaV (Please........)
Subject: Re: Oh yeah did i mention it hurts?
In reply to: MABVN 's message, "Oh yeah did i mention it hurts?" on 18:41:08 12/12/08 Fri

Get mad, motherfucker! Yeah that's right!! You heard me!
You know, that's a mighty black hole your in, son and I don't mean that in the figurative sense, ether.
I remember once (several times as a matter of fact.) about I was told I would never make it to a certain age. That was about two, maybe three, could have been four, decades (and I KNOW sure at a few fights) I was dying…..
The odds were against me in every cardio journal they had. Ohhh, I was told, if I was lucky I might make it to forty. I was told I would never run a marathon, by one of the top Pedi-cardio surgeons in the U.S. According to the American Medical Association, that is. I don't think he expected my reaction to his somber tune.

"Why the fuck would I want to run a freakin' marathon? Are you freakin' kidding me? It's not like a wanted to run one before, screw that! Dude, all I want is to live life on my terms, that's all. And this does not include walking around with an oxygen tube and having old people walk faster then me in a fucking park. This does include seeing my kids grow up (yeah they might kill me.) and wander around this world like it's MY backyard!"

I was one pissed off motherfucker, and I am using that term as ugly as it seems because it expresses best describes how I felt at that very moment when he told me. This is after the open-heart, after the bad lung scans, after countless heart catheterizations. Oh, and my fav, the procedure where they stop your heart and stimulate each chamber of your heart one at a time to replicate the malfunction. Yeah, there's a moment alright….
I had to start going out of the norm to begin to heal, I was already Cleveland Clinic Cardio Center favorite lab rat.
I remember clearly standing outside the building waiting by myself, feeling sorry for my partner as he went to get the car.
Man, I was piss! How dare those people try to take hope away like that and for what?

Money, a sense of power, maybe? They don't know me… Fucke'em!! Sheettt.. And that doctor looked like his underwear is a little too tight. That rat race is going to have to do with one less rat.
I went home, ripped off the twenty four hour heart monitor, and never really looked back.
But it wasn't easy, but it was worth it. I like to say it was, but it wasn't. It took years to get to this point.

Once every five or seven years I go back to the Clinic just to make sure all the plumbing is all cool, but to tell you the truth, I just go back there to brag.
The last time I was there, a few years ago, doing blood work testing, just checking up.
The doctor was a haggard late thirties woman, who looked like she had seen better days.
She was puzzled by my lab work. She told me (with a straight fact) I was suffering from latent menopause. According to her, at my age my hormones and blood work should be according to the age group that I belong in, instead of a couple of decades younger.
I sat there, with my legged crossed, quietly watching, and it made her feel very unconvertible. I softly smiled and asked her why this was a bad thing. She couldn't say, then I asked her with a smile how old was she. When she told me, I just wickedly smile and said: "Oh………."
My point being don't let this thing stop you from doing what you love. And for God sakes, man, don't let no one shock you unless you like being on the other side of the whip. You are talking about electoral shock, right? Holy mother of Mary! Shit! Yes, it does stimulate the muscles and nerves, but I ain't gotta tell ya how bad it hurts, and in your then some.

May I be bold and suggest water therapy. When your incisions heal, that is. The body feels buoyant in water, muscle relaxes, and this is where muscle memory comes in. You would be amazed how many people that go to the Y who have surgical procedures and the battle wounds to show for it.
Small steps, baby, small steps…..
Get an ipod and blast your music in your head while in movement. Muscle memory will dictate motion in your body. And water sooths the body, less meds. Nerve connection is very painful, this is true but give this a try.
I just want to help a friend not lose his passion.

Meanwhile, you why don't you write? I know typing is hard for you at this point but record your thoughts. Check them out at the end of the week; look for patterns in things and you'll see different prospective, this is the beginning of taking control back.

YolandaV

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