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Date Posted: 14:25:50 03/17/07 Sat
Author: Richard
Author Host/IP: adsl-75-46-224-93.dsl.sfldmi.sbcglobal.net / 75.46.224.93
Subject: I would like your support muchly... thanks...

As few words as possible.

The implant surgery was intricate but went well. The long catheter (plastic tube) is put in the vein and winds with the course of the vein to very close to the heart valve. Being a smaller vein than in the past and deeper in the body tissue the route of the catheter left the top of skin red. In that area of my upper right side of chest: it looked like a winding red river. By yester morning it went away. A area just below the insertion point of the medi port (a plastic valve device under skin) it stayed very red. Nurses and I were worried about it being another infection, which would cost me my new port. The area was not warm, neither did I have a low grade fever—the usual for me. We were hopeful. Still… underlying worry throughout night till this a.m. when I found the redness about half gone… just irritation… I am keeping an eye on it yet… my doc’s office has urgent care all weekend.

My son dropped his mentally, emotionally, spiritually ill woman-friend. He said the last time he felt like this, he woke up years later strung out on drugs like alcohol and speed. I have been way beyond the call of duty in helping my son… what is beyond the call of duty when it comes to your children. My therapist knows I need a break from my son for a prescribe period… one month. My son in crisis has not honored this. I keep him at bay some, really do, but not completely. He is doing (not just attending) but doing A.A. His male psychotherapist (male is important) called my son yesterday… Just a minute ago, I told my son he was worth caring about. His eyes widened… like “Hun”.

I went to the park and rode a very windy only six miles and walk a little mile walk yesterday… the day after surgery. I was desperate. It worked! My son wanted me to come out to his town for coffee this morning. I called him this morning to back out. He said he did not have kitty food and litter. (He is trying hard for second cook’s job. I said for him to come out. He ask what would be a good time—he asked! I said 2:00 p.m., which is a good time for me. I planned for that time. I laid down about 12:45 p.m. as planned. My son shows up at 1:00 p.m. as not planned. Anxiety kicking his butt big time… Feeling feelings is foreign to him now being not numb from drugs. but… still? I asked him if he did not mind too much if we visit just for a few and him leave. He showed disappointment cordially, but accepted totally. We chatted about 20 minutes about his decision about his woman-friend, his therapist, his pending probation appointment, about getting proper meds, gave him a few bucks, and said it was time for me to take a nap… no coffee, no nice healthy little snack that I would have made if… … just goodbye…

I did right… right? I know it is right… it just that it is so a hard right… I am ill, very ill… I took care of myself as well as I took care of my son… I took care of my son as well as I took care of me… right?... right!

I am going to have my healthy tasty snack now, take my anti-inflammatory meds, pain med, take a warm shower (can’t take bath with wounds), and nap.

Thanks for being here for me and all of us, when you can,
RICHARD

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