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Date Posted: 07:39:04 08/10/06 Thu
Author: Mikki
Author Host/IP: 66-227-249-218.dhcp.bycy.mi.charter.com / 66.227.249.218
Subject: Life just sucks

Do you ever get to the point where if one more thing happens to you you are just going to crack? This stuff with my mom is getting to me. She finds out the results of her artery and muscle biopsy today at 1:00. We will finally have a name to our enemy. I hope that it isn't polyarteritis, although she has all the symptoms of it. It could be polymyositis.....which attacks the muscles. It falls under the MDA classification of muscular dystrophy. I contacted MDA yesterday, and they can't help if it is polyarteritis, but they can help if it is polymyositis. She can be eligible for home care, wheelchairs, and help with the cost of medications if necessary. MDA is a huge organization.....and they help alot of people. So when Labor Day comes around, and Jerry Lewis is spouting his stuff....give a few bucks in name of my mother.

Work is getting tough. I am in way over my head with this outreach program. Plus I am still trying to be a tech, work full time to cover for my coworker with cancer, and keep up with my "extra" duties on top of that. I got trained to do bone marrows, now every time there is one, being low senior, I have to do it. That means walking away from my bench for an hour, doing all it takes to process the bone marrow, then go back to my bench where 1 hours worth of shit has piled up. Then I have to train a new tech at the same time!!!!!!!!! I'm enrolled in the management track classes as well. I'm in over my head, and I know that. I am so depressed because of my mom, that work has always been my respite from my problems. Now my problems are coming into the workplace...I can't let that happen.

Some good news is I am leaving for Florida next Tuesday to see my friend Kim. Lydsey is going with me. Sarah chose to go see her creepy boyfriend in San Antonio instead of going with us. Her attitude makes me want to slap her in the face. WE got into it last night, and now are not speaking to each other. OF course, Mike was out of town on a job, and wasn't around to help me. Just like Mike.......
I cannot wait to get away from here...

Sorry to rant.....just had enough. I see the pdoc on Monday, and Jim at 5:30 on Monday. My appointment with Jim last time went really well. I feel really comfortable with him, and he really helped me with some of my issues with my former therapist. My former therapist wants to talk to him, and I won't let him. I won't give consent. I don't want my former therapist to taint the new therapeutic relationship with Jim. If Jim brings it up and really wants to talk to him, I will think about it. But otherwise, let sleeping dogs lie.

I've been drinking alot too.....nothing like a glass of red wine to wind you down after a hard day. If I don't have to go to work the next day, I drink more. I know I can't drink with my meds, but nothing is calming me down anymore. So get drunk I will........

Anyway, thanks for listening.....no one can help me, I'm in my own private hell.

Love, Mikki

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