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Date Posted: 19:22:39 07/10/06 Mon
Author: Mikki
Author Host/IP: 24-236-161-237.dhcp.bycy.mi.charter.com / 24.236.161.237
Subject: Liz

Hi Liz......I read your posts below, and I am so sorry you are feeling so poorly. You know, I always look to you to be the "normal" one. LOL You seem to always have it so together, seem happy, and stuff just rolls off your back. I get jealous of you sometimes.

Thank you for sharing how you are feeling. Even when you are depressed, you still have such insightful things to say. Even when you are depressed, you still try to help others. Even when you are depressed.....you still post to all of us.

I on the other hand when I am depressed, will not leave my bed. I drug myself to the point of semi functioning, work my ass off to try to forget who and what I am, and I come home to my empty house and wallow in past hurts till I drug myself to sleep. I sleep and have dreams of killing myself all the time......I cling to therapists to the point they run away from me.....I was given a button by my daughter that says "cleverly disguised as a responsible adult". I hate myself most days...I hate the way I feel....I wait to get manic just so I can have a good day. I pray that the ECT fairy will let me come visit once a month just so I don't put a syringe to my arm. Yes, I am horribly depressed.....I'm so sorry that you are too.

You have such a way of hanging in there.....I admire that. You and I have both been through the gammut of meds, and know that most of them don't work. What do you do differently than I do? How do you manage to get through every miserable, depressive day? I just want to curl up and die....

My therapist (Jim the new guy)wants me to try to get into a group for borderlines and "frequent fliers to the psych ward". It is group therapy, and I guess is an intensive program geared to people with borderline personalities (which I have been told I have by the therapist from hell), but Jim said that the people who come out of that program don't go back to the hospital. Short of a lobotomy, I don't know how that could be. Nor do I want to sit in a group full of borderlines with bipolar disorder.
Had enough humiliating psychological treatment for my lifetime.

Sorry this became about me......I mean it to be about you, and how proud I am of you how you face adversity. You are a beautiful, capable woman who is deserving of happiness. You don't need to run off the man in your life, because you are worth it... I respect you immensely, and I know that you will pull out of this. You will be happy someday..you are normal...you are my friend.

With lots of love and healing hugs,

Mikki

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