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Date Posted: 12:08:22 06/12/04 Sat
Author: Ice_Visions
Subject: Angel 6x02 :Mind over Matters Part 1

Angel 6x02 Mind over Matters

TEASER

Hyperion Luxury Suite -Morning

The sun creeps onto the four poster bed, the slumbering figure of Andrew opens his eyes and smiles. The 'New World Symphony' begins to play as Andrew leaps out of bed wearing silk pyjamas and pulls open the curtains to bask in the sun.

ANDREW
Good morning sunshine.

MONTAGE: Andrew brushes his teeth, flosses, combs his hair, chooses his clothes and runs downstairs to get the post. He heads into the kitchen and we see him crack eggs on a frying pan. End music, end montage.

Angel's room -Morning but the curtains are closed. Angel and Nina are in bed, Angel is awake and Nina groggily opens her eyes.

NINA
Oh, what time is it?

ANGEL
Around seven.

NINA
What time did you get up?

ANGEL
Around four.

NINA
You've been holding me like this for three hours?

ANGEL
I didn't want to disturb you. You looked… peaceful.

NINA
Still, you didn't have to.

ANGEL
No, I wanted to. Everything was just too perfect.

NINA
Perfect? Oh boy.

ANGEL
No, not perfect in that way.

NINA
Geez, thanks!

ANGEL
Can we-

NINA
It's OK, I know what you mean.

ANGEL
Will the word 'serene' do?

NINA
It'll do fine.

Nina and Angel pull together and kiss, they sit up in bed, still kissing. The 'New World Symphony' can be heard again, as the music reaches its climax:

Bursting in carrying two silver platters

ANDREW
Who wants eggs?

Startled, Angel falls out of the bed. Nina shrieks and covers herself up.

ANGEL
Nina, this is...Andrew.

ANDREW
Hi.

NINA
Hey.

ANDREW
No one wants eggs, do they?

Angel and Nina shake their heads.

ANDREW
(Sheepishly) Ok, bye.

He leaves.

END OF TEASER

Opening credits

David Boreanaz
James Marsters
Amy Acker
Tom Lenk

ACT 1

Andrew is sitting on a bed with Illyria, eating eggs. He is halfway through a rant. She is as bored as hell.

ANDREW
-and it's not like I don't care, but I get up extra early to make breakfast and they don't even want it. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?

Silence

ANDREW
Lliry?

ILLYRIA
I have never made anyone eggs. I cannot imagine.

ANDREW
Aww, that's sweet. Anyway the I ask if they want any and they're all like-

ILLYRIA
I have to go.

ANDREW
What? Where? Why? Can I come?

ILLYRIA
No.

ANDREW
Oh, why?

ILLYRIA
I have to go. Now. It is an evil demon ritual. You would not understand.

ANDREW
Try me, I know everything about demon rituals.

ILLYRIA
You would not like this. It is extremely complicated and unusual.

ANDREW
That only makes it better, I mean what’s so weird about it anyway?

ILLYRIA
It involves three milk crates-

CUT TO

Spike's place, morning. Illyria is talking to Spike

ILLYRIA
-five budgerigars and the livers of three walruses. He still persisted. That was until I told him it made all humans within seven metres explode. I pride myself on honesty. I find lying strange, I never had need to be concerned with it before.

SPIKE
Does he really bother you that much?

ILLYRIA
He called me Lliry.

Spike laughs

SPIKE
Say what now?

ILLYRIA
It is not amusing.

SPIKE
Yes, of course not. Sorry.

Spike laughs again.

SPIKE
Sorry.

ILLYRIA
My living arrangements cannot stay as such. I have no work, no income and have to live with a small and annoying person who made me lie. How do you get money?

SPIKE
Saved a few bob from when I was on the Wolfram paycheque. It’ll keep me going for a few more months. I guess Angel’s doing the same.

ILLYRIA
I have so little to do. I need a world in which I can function. I cannot merely exist within a hotel.

SPIKE
Maybe Angel can set the whole detective thing up again?

ILLYRIA
Detective?

SPIKE
He used to save people as a business. People would get in touch with a problem, zombie boyfriend, demon cult or whatever and Angel would save the day. For a fee.

ILLYRIA
Amoral.

SPIKE
Pardon?

ILLYRIA
What sort of idiot charges innocents for saving their lives?

SPIKE
And any Anya comparisons go out the window…

ILLYRIA
Who?

SPIKE
Never mind. So you need money? I’m sure Andrew won’t charge you for staying at the hotel.

ILLYRIA
I have been there less than a week and I already wish to leave. He infuriates me. In small doses he can be interesting, occasionally tolerable but he is so convinced he has to be a host he is smothering.

SPIKE
You could stay here with me.

ILLYRIA
I do not see a need to stay anywhere. I barely sleep.

SPIKE
Go out. Modulate into a better dress and look for a job.

ILLYRIA
By myself?

SPIKE
Sure. I mean, you’ve been with us a good few months, sometimes you have to crawl out of the dark and realise the world isn’t that bad. You do have to live here, may as well get a headstart.

Illyria cocks her head at him.

Cut to- City street, Day. People come and go, into a record store, out of a coffee place and generally milling around shops. In the midst of this Illyria approaches and ‘My Favourite Game’ by the Cardigans begins to play, this is wicked cool. She is wearing a long floral dress and dark, horn-rimmed spectacles, she has a handbag which she clutches. The blue patterning on her arms and forehead is gone but she still has her blue and black hair. For some reason she seems more intimidating than normal. This is obviously Illyria and not Fred, just in a dress.

Illyria bursts into a Starbucks. Her suddenness and odd appearance turns heads. The music stops. Illyria walks up to the counter.

ILLYRIA
I seek employment.

SNOT-FACED TEEN EMPLOYEE
Oh, geez. Wait a sec. I’ll get the manager.

Illyria stands perfectly still; people begin to murmur around her. The manager comes in. She’s early 20s and dressed like an up-coming go-getter who isn't going anywhere. She eyes Illyria suspiciously.

MANAGER
Sorry, we ain’t got no vacancies.

Illyria merely stares.

MANAGER
I can’t give you a job.

Illyria waves her hand at a ‘help wanted’ sign.

MANAGER
Seriously? You wanna work here.
ILLYRIA
I don’t see want as the word.

MANAGER
Great, way to impress. So are you good with people? Do you interact well?

ILLYRIA
My comrades tell me I can be socially stunted.

MANAGER
Uh-huh. And why do you think they said that?

ILLYRIA
Because I killed them all. Once.

CUT TO- A Virgin records store. Illyria is talking to a kid wearing a badge that says ‘Junior Assistant Supervisor’ who hands her a form.

ILLYRIA
(Indicating form) What does this part mean?

SUPERVISOR
Mother’s maiden name. Yeah, that means what was your mom called before she got married.

ILLYRIA
My mother was the great dark chaos before. The mist that ruled the universe aeons before your putrid kind ever polluted this plane. The primordial powers that are. I don’t think that will fit in the box.

CUT TO – Illyria walking down the street, Day

Illyria walks past an abandoned bookstore which you may recognise as being Denver’s from ‘Reprise’ and ‘Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been’. As she does so she morphs back into her more natural form. Some people stare, most don’t notice.

Hyperion Lobby –Day, Angel is seeing Nina out.

ANGEL
So I’ll see you later?

NINA
Count on it.

Nina leaves, Spike enters from the basement door.

SPIKE
Boo.

Angel jumps.

ANGEL
Could you just NOT do that?

SPIKE
Probably, but it wouldn’t be as much fun.

ANGEL
I know what this is about. You can’t stand that I’ve got a girlfriend.

SPIKE
Yeah, how is Fido these days? Did she get a big bone as a reward?

ANGEL
You’re disgusting Spike. Anyway, what do you want?

SPIKE
I was pretty much here to ask you the same thing.

ANGEL
I don’t get it.

SPIKE
Well, what do we do now? What’s the mission statement?

ANGEL
I don’t think there is one. I mean, patrolling but I don’t think there’s anything else we can do.

SPIKE
You could open the agency again.

ANGEL
Oh, not that. Without the others…no. I can’t do that without them here.

SPIKE
I’d help.

ANGEL
That would be one of the main reasons for NOT doing it.

SPIKE
Fine, no need to bite my head off.

ANGEL
Now there’s a tempting thought.

SPIKE
Andrew about?

ANGEL
What do want him for?

SPIKE
Just need a word.

ANGEL
He’s in the office.

SPIKE
Cheers.

Spike walks into the office where Andrew is on his laptop. Angel walks back upstairs.

SPIKE
Right. I need to ask you something.

ANDREW
Ask away. Anything for my little Spike.

SPIKE
You call me that again and I might just rip your little spike off.

Andrew is scared. Spike leans in.

ANDREW
I’m so sorry. Really. I can’t……please don’t hurt me.

SPIKE
Yeah. Thing is, this is a council base now?

ANDREW
Uh-huh.

SPIKE
But the way I see it is they abandoned you. Nice little way to get Andy out of the way.

ANDREW
No, Mr. Giles wouldn’t do that.

SPIKE
Oh yes he would. I mean, when do you start getting slayers in here?

ANDREW
(Typing in the PC) Uh, Kennedy and Willow are swinging by in a few weeks to do a locator. Then we should have a few girls here.

SPIKE
A few?

ANDREW
Normally we pick up two or three. Not much more than that.

SPIKE
So, could I have friends stay here if I can’t put them up at my place?

ANDREW
I guess, sure.

SPIKE
Thanks, you’ve been a real help.

Spike leaves.

ANDREW
I’m feeling the good vibes today!

ANGEL V.O.
ANDREW! Why is there pot-pourri in my bedroom?

Anne’s shelter –Day

Anne is inside laying out sleeping bags. The floor is hideously crowded, although the place is empty apart from a few chatting teens Anne seems frustrated. She continues to put out beds before going to her office to lie down on her own bed. When she gets there she finds somebody’s already on it.

ANNE
Shit. No, get out of here.

Spike sits up.

SPIKE
Chantarelle?

ANNE
It’s Anne now.

SPIKE
Whatever, I don’t really care.

Anne pulls out a stake and lunges. Spike grabs her.

ANNE
How did you get in?

SPIKE
One of the little rapscallions let me. Now, you can sit down and listen to me or…actually no. That’s pretty much your only option.

Anne sits.

SPIKE
I’ve got a proposition for you love.

END OF ACT 1

ACT 2

Graveyard –Day, Illyria is there holding flowers, she morphs into Fred as she approaches Wesley’s grave.

FRED
Hey Wes. It’s me.

She kneels on the grace and places the flowers.

FRED
I just had to come by and see how you were doing. It can’t be much fun, just lying there and all. I just needed you to know how much you meant to me. This place, it’s so big and scary without you. I really wish you were here to help, everything used to be so much simpler, y’know? Yeah, you do. I need you. Some day I’ll figure out just how to get us together…I’ll do that. You just wait right here. OK?

Illyria turns back into herself and leaves.

Hyperion Office –Evening, Andrew is still at his laptop.

A popup appears ‘Test Your IQ’. Andrew clicks on it and begins to start multiple choicing rapidly.

ANDREW
A, B, B, C, A. Oh, I am so a genius.

Angel enters.

ANGEL
Andrew, I want to apologise if I was a bit, y’know, snarky this morning.

ANDREW
(Totally engrossed) Yeah, forget about it.

ANGEL
Look, I understand the effort you went through, I just want to say-

ANDREW
You appreciate it. OK. Gottit.

ANGEL
Andrew…

ANDREW
Look, I’m on a time limit here. Back off! Every second I waste on you I lose precious IQ points!

ANGEL
Am I really that stupefying?

ANDREW
I’m doing a test.

ANGEL
Oh, OK. Good luck with that. (Looks) That should be C, not D.

ANDREW
Stop putting me off!

Angel backs away slowly into the lobby. Illyria enters the hotel.

ANGEL
Illyria.

ILLYRIA
Hello.

ANGEL
Good day?

ILLYRIA
Decidedly not.

ANGEL
Oh?
ILLYRIA
Firstly I looked for a job. No-one wised to have me in their employ.

ANGEL
I can’t imagine why.

ILLYRIA
I also lack precious documents needed. A passport, a birth certificate. I do not see why, without me the universe could not truly have come into existence.

ANGEL
That might be an issue when they ask what your mother’s maiden name was.

Illyria gives him a scowl.

ILLYRIA
Then I visited Wesley.

ANGEL
Oh. How was it?

ILLYRIA
I brought flowers with me, lilies.

ANGEL
That’s…I’m sure he appreciates it.

ILLYRIA
I do not think so, I think I did it for me. Not for him.

ANGEL
I think I might go later.

ILLYRIA
Where?

ANGEL
I want to see the guys…and I might just stake a few vamps.

ILLYRIA
Best wishes.

ANGEL
Thanks.

Anne’s shelter Ext. –Night

A blacked out van is parked outside the shelter. From inside the car we can see Anne and Spike shifting furniture outside. Inside the car are Drusilla and her aide, a nervous young man called Simon as well as two bodyguards and a chauffeur.

SIMON
We’re not sure what he’s doing ma’am but he’s been here for several hours.

DRUSILLA
Sweet charity, little William is helping the children to play, but he has no sand.

SIMON
Yes ma’am but we don’t know why. Our intelligence has ascertained that she tried to stake him and he had her by the throat.

DRUSILLA
Simple Simon…don’t need a mirror for the pretty picture. He wants to play nice, and he shall. Soon he shall play my little game and it will be ever so fun. All sorts of blood and fire, I shall like it so.

SIMON
So nothing yet?

DRUSILLA
No. No…not yet.

SIMON
Ma’am, with all due respect, we have to remember why the Senior Partners gave you this position. The plan.

DRUSILLA
Haven’t forgotten. Get my Spike back.


Graveyard –Night, Angel is sitting by the graves of Cordy, Wes and Gunn. He places a single stone on each. He sits for a while, as this happens we see a small group of vampires move in behind him. There is a Lead Vamp and three Hench Vamps.

LEAD VAMP
So this is what Angel does these days? No damsels to save? No deals to close? What the hell happened to ya’?

Angel turns round. This is by the graves of his comrades; he won’t fight them here so he does something he’s never done before. He runs. The vampires chase him out of the graveyard and into the street, he turns round. Now he’ll fight.

HENCH VAMP #1
Scared

ANGEL
Petrified, actually. I mean c’mon guys; this is a new shirt! I don’t want to have to get all the grime and dust off it already.

LEAD VAMP
This is about a shirt?

ANGEL
No, it’s more about me really wanting to kill you.

After some brief fisticuffs Angel demolishes the first few vamps pretty quickly. The Lead Vamp tackles him and they fall through a window into an empty shop. The alarms go off. Angel is pushed to the floor and Lead Vamp grabs a knife from the shelf. He’s about to stab Angel when he dusts, revealing Spike holding a stake.

SPIKE
Alright?

ANGEL
My shirt…

SPIKE
You girl.

ANGEL
We should go before the police arrive.

SPIKE
No quarrel here.

They walk out of the shop and down the street

SPIKE
So…

ANGEL
So?

SPIKE
Why were you fighting in a shop? Some illegal racket? Do we get to lay a smackdown?

ANGEL
No. Just got chucked through a window is all.

SPIKE
No evil a-brewing?

ANGEL
Not that I’m aware of.

SPIKE
It feels a bit empty these days. Not so much to do.

ANGEL
No.

SPIKE
There’s a lot of ‘no’ about this conversation.

ANGEL
Is that what this is?

SPIKE
Look, we need a new direction. Some way to fight evil and regain said reputation as badass fighters of good.

Angel shoots Spike a look.

SPIKE
You know what I mean.

ANGEL
What I don’t see is why you said ‘we’. There’s no teamwork here Spike and I’m not exactly feeling sociable, why don’t you hop, skip and jump over to Rome or something?

SPIKE
I thought we established that wasn’t a good idea after we got blown up.

ANGEL
It was only that one time. Might not happen again.

SPIKE
You’d like that? Me out of the way?

ANGEL
Lot of things I’d like, Spike. I just guess I might not get them after all.

Hyperion –Night, Andrew is chatting to Illyria in the Lobby.

ANDREW
So I guess it all boils down to what sort of pastry you use. I mean once I tried to use filo for making eclairs (laughs) oh, that didn’t end well. You can imagine the jokes…here’s looking at chou kid (laughs).

ILLYRIA
(Deadpan) Highly amusing.

ANDREW
Oh Lliry, you’re so understanding. You’re like my muse.

ILLYRIA
I killed a muse once.

ANDREW
Oh, interesting.

Andrew’s laptop beeps.

ANDREW
Oh! I’ve got mail!

ILLYRIA
Mail? From this machine?

ANDREW
Sure. Electronic signals travel via phone lines and become…voila, text and image.

ILLYRIA
Electronic mail?

ANDREW
That’s even it’s name!

They both walk over to the office and Andrew clicks on his laptop. His face drops in amazement as does Illyria’s but hers drops in mild awe and disgust.

ILLYRIA
What do they mean by ‘slash’?

ANDREW
Uhu,…ha, never mind. Let’s close that shall we? Oh look, the results of my IQ test.

Spike and Angel enter the lobby.

SPIKE
…and I’m telling you that she would pick me. I mean I have far nicer hair than you and my coat’s much shinier.

ANGEL
Yeah and you’ve got a big, wet nose.

SPIKE
Hey!

ANDREW V.O.
OH MY GOD!!!

Andrew bounds into the lobby whilst Illyria enters slowly.

ANDREW
I’M A FRICKIN’ GENIUS!

Andrew runs up to Angel and into his arms. Angel, Spike and Illyria exchange shocked glances. Andrew jumps off Angel.

ANDREW
Ohmigodohmigodohmigod! I have to go order my certificate like now!!!

He races back to the office.

ILLYRIA
Andrew is a genius. This is…unprecedented.

SPIKE
I think we’re all agreed on that.

ANGEL
This is the one he was doing this morning, right? Online?

ILLYRIA
Yes.

ANGEL
That explains it. Everything online is tailored to suit. I bet that everyone who takes it gets a genius score.

SPIKE
What do you bet?

ANGEL
All my hair-care products for a month.

SPIKE
I’ll talk to you about this later.

ILLYRIA
At least while he runs around in circles he isn’t talking to us.

ANGEL
Hmmm.

Andrew rushes back in.

ANDREW
OK, guys, you’ll never guess what!

SPIKE
You’ve spontaneously combusted?

ANDREW
Wha? No.

SPIKE
Shame.

ANDREW
The place that does this test is right here in LA! I can pick up my certificate tomorrow. Isn’t that great.

ANGEL
Sure is. I’m going to bed.

Angel starts up the stairs.

SPIKE
Right there with you.

Angel stops dead in his tracks. Andrew gives Spike a quizzical look.

SPIKE
No, not right there with hi-…I’m going back to mine. See ya’.

ANGEL
‘Night.

He carries on up the stairs.

ILLYRIA
Goodbye.

SPIKE
You staying here Blue?

ILLYRIA
Tonight. I may reconsider later.

SPIKE
Ciao.

ANDREW
Ciao.

Spike leaves.

ANDREW
Won’t this be the funnest? What do you wanna do? TV? Movie? Ice cream?

ILLYRIA
I wish to retire. I have grown apathetic of this day. Goodnight Andrew.

Illyria heads up the stairs.

ANDREW
OK then. Celebratory meal…all by myself. Huh. Doesn’t anyone even want to hear my IQ?

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