| Subject: Short Takes |
Author:
Carlin Quoter
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Date Posted: 19:52:07 04/28/02 Sun
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skys, sing my song, and best of all occationally peck someone's eyes out.
When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
I don't like porno movies. They piss me off. First they show this great-looking naked woman who starts playing with herself. And while I'm watching, she soft of becomes my girlfriend. And then, suddenly, in walks a guy with a big dick, and he starts fucking my girlfriend. It pisses me off.
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
Haven't we gone far enough with colors ribbons for different causes? Every cause has it's own ribbon. Red for AIDS, blue for child abuse, pink for breast cancer, green for rain forests. I've got a brown one. You know what it means? "Eat shit, motherfucker!"
I enjoy young people because they're really fucked up and don't know what they're doing. I like that. I support all fucked up people regardless of age.
Whenever you see more than two guys sitting in a parked car after dark you can be sure drugs are involved.
When I die I don't want to be buried, but I don't want to be creamated either. I want to be blown up. Put me on a pile of explosives and blow me up. Or throw me from a helicopter. THat would be fun. One stipulation: whereever I land, you have to leave me there. Even if its the mayors lawn. Just let me lie there. But keep the dogs away.
Isn't it nice that once your parents are dead they can't come back and start fucking with you again?
The trouble with a sitcom is that every week it's the same irritating group of assholes.
People say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
If I had my choice of how to die I would like to be sitting on a crosstown bus and suddenly burst into flames.
The christians are coming to get you...and they are not pleasent people.
If the police never find it, is it still a clue?
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.
Spirituality: the last refuge for a failed human. Just another way of distracting yourself from who you really are.
You know what you never hear about? A bunch of Jews being hit by a tornado.
Every six minutes there's a rape in this country, and boy, is my dick sore. I'm tellin' ya, everyday, house to house, there's no letup. It's a fuckin' hassle.
I've never beeh quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
I don't think we should be governing ourselves. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the king's not doing his job right, we kill him.
Road rage, air rage. Why should I be forced to divide my rage into seperate catagories? To me, it's just one big, all-around, everyday rage. I don't have time for fine distinctions. I'm busy screaming at people.
When Ronald Reagan got Alzheimer's disease, how could they tell?
Remember: Hitler was Catholic.
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