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Wednesday, May 15, 03:29:12am [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, [3] ]

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Date Posted: 13:38:57 09/22/06 Fri
Author: Ruby
Subject: Should I move out? (otherwise he'll wonder why I can cope with education now but NOT before!!!)

My Problem is this:

When I was in primary school I fell in love with a boy called Skye

But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away and I got sent to the local comprehensive.

I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired...as I really did love him.

Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.My mother never seemed to bother with me. However I never noticed this neglect (by my mother)until my Grandma died.

I noticed that I was very unsupported by my mother and in general uncared for. Sometimes she was also emotionally abusive towards me--sometimes she could be so nasty she'd make me cry.

Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Skye and also the uncaring attituse at home) I began to feel very depressed.

Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake:

Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school asn I felt so low. I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school i went to (before I moved to the one Ian was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too.However I recieved no help, no counselling or anything(do you think this was neglect?)

I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.I then refused to go to school altoghether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I then failed all my GCSEs (apart from one, where I got a 'C' in English)I felt so depressed. I then have stayed at home doing nothing for the past two years as I have felt too embarrassed to face the world.

However this is my problem:

I am now 18...it has got to the point where I can't do nothing anymore..I HAVE to do something with my life.
I now want??/need to go to college. However I have just found out thet the college I wanted to attend is right next door to the top educational sixth form which Skye goes to. If I go there then I will definantely bump into him&but the thing is he will NEVER EVER be interested in me now (even if he used to be when I was ok).how on earth canI explain to him WHY I refused to go to school? Hes going to think I am a bad person .

But the thing is he's studying 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I .....will probably have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits)

He'll NEVER EVER be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever.but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out that's it....my dream...dead......finished

Also even if I go to a different college, it's inevitable that i'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.(I just cant believe that I DIDNT THINK ABOUT THIS years ago&.i just wasnt thinking properly) But If I ignore him then he'll think I'm not interested i him, when I am. But if I talk to him he'll not like me anyway when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person.


Also, one of the reasons why I couldn't cope with school was because of the neglect/emotional abuse that I suffered at home. I thought that if I moved out into the local Foyer/hostel then it would offer Skye a bit of validation that I couldn't cope with/was having a bad time at home and he might believe me then when I told him about the neglect. But....if I stay where I am (living at home with my parents) and go to college then he's going to wonder why it is that I can cope with education/school/college now....but not back then...in short he's going to think I'm making it up about the neglect.What should I do about this?
Should I move out of home?. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME MOVING OUT? If i moved out then I thought it would offer Skye a bit of proof/validation that what I told him abou the neglect/me having difficulties at home was true...so he'd believe what I told him. Do you think I should move out of home and into the locl hostel/Foyer?

Also sometimes I don't think I can bear to face Skye at all.... and so.......
i HAVE DEEPLY CONSIDERED going to Wales and living in a Foyer/hostel there................... so that I never have to face Skye ever again (because it's inevitable that we'll meet) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS IDEA? I live in England you see...in the North West of England.
Or could I move out to Wales for a few years.....then after a few years in Wales once I've sorted my life out (away from Skye) then come back home/to England again ...and try to find Skye then? Or do you think this is a stupid idea?

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