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Date Posted: 11:59:00 05/23/08 Fri
Author: Lynx
Subject: Dear Mr. McCain...

Dear Mr. McCain,

Happy Memorial Day! I understand that you and your Republican VP hopefuls (and Joe Lieberman, same thing) will be flying in for a holiday confab at your "compound". The tourists will be so excited!

I just wanted to point out some local unwritten protocol to you, vis-a-vis the military helicopters. This is it, in total: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THE RESIDENTIAL AREAS. If the military pilots would like some clarification on this point, they need only consult the local helicopter tour companies. I don't mean to offend, but it seems nobody has informed you about this yet. The last time you were in town, they buzzed my house, and the noise they made was so great that they nearly broke my Elsie the Cow cookie jar, which would have been a total tragedy. I'm sure you know how easily old things break (wink wink). Now, you're not likely to hear many complaints about this from my working-class neighborhood, but I can guarantee you that the owners of the pricier spreads will be a complete thorn in your side over this issue. It seems that when they buy a home here, they believe that it includes airspace up to infinity, and you of all people should know how unreasonable those homeowners can be. I understand that Mrs. McC is rather well-heeled, so perhaps she could have an airstrip built at your "compound". Just a suggestion!

Also, thanks for telling all the news outlets that your "compound" is in Sedona, which helps us in a touristy way, and sounds so much more impressive than Cornville, which is actually closer. Just think of all the jokes you dodged by doing that. Smart move!

As for your weekend guests, you might want to caution Bobby Jindal against driving while here, as our police officers automatically target people "of color". Charlie Crist will love it here, you know, because we are the gay vacation capital of the universe! Perhaps you should have invited Ellen.

Just one more thing. Many of our illegals have flown the coop, and you may have trouble finding someone to tend the lawn or sweep the hogan, so you may want to bring some non-Mexican drudgery staff along with you.

We'll be having baby back ribs and strawberry shortcake for Memorial Day, if you'd like to drop by. It's the house with the Ron Paul sign.

Have a great Memorial Day!

Love,

Lynx

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