| Subject: Re: Jane... alone? |
Author:
bittersweet
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Date Posted: 07:19:22 09/12/04 Sun
In reply to:
lara
's message, "Jane... alone?" on 22:03:27 09/11/04 Sat
>jane are you in college, and just wish you were kid
>again? I wish I was a kid again... I just keep
>wondering if I could do it over, grow up like a normal
>healthy child, if I would be "happy" now, how
>"different" life would be.
>Because now... now I feel as if I am completely alone
>in this world. As if this feeling is part of me,
>something I had to be, something I was meant to be,
>not something I wanted to be. I hide from the world
>because I don't feel part of it. I hide because I
>don't feel "good enough" for it. In hate the stares I
>get... I know how irrational this sounds; I know I am
>rambling... sorry... I'm just tired...
>
>lara
>>>>I was just wondering how old is everybody on this
>>>>board ?
>>>>
>>>>ohh and get all well
>>>>i also have a sore throat and feel really sick
>>>>so feel better
>>>
>>>
>>>im 15
>>
>>i'm 18 --but wish i was 14 or 15 and back in
>>school.... maybe even 12, lol....
>>
>>~jane~
lara- that sounds like me talking! word for word.......nope, i'm not in college.....i'm actually just a loser right now-- i graduated high school in June and now i'm just kind of hanging around, no job, liscense or anything....it was actually my ED that prevented me from doing anything like that- getting to school everyday was hard enough. i feel EXACTLY the same way as you. i wish i could wake up and be 12 and start all over again...having an ED for so long completely robbed me of my adolescent years, that and my addiction to drugs/diet pills......it's so hard for me to move on and stop dwelling on the past.....lol now i'm an agoraphobic freak.....i have so much time on my hands now for ana that i hardly ever leave my house....like you said, i'm afraid-- scared of everything right now, especially people staring at me. when i was 12, i was a compulsive overeater, i was 165 lbs and havent reached my full height, i was maybe 5'0....but the kids were so horrible to me in school that year that ive never gotten over it and i still see that fat girl in the mirror- and hear the voices of those kids taunting me....if i could go back i would lose weight the healthy way, instead of dropping 60 lbs in 4 months and getting sick.....not a day goes by that i dont wish i could have had some foresight back then.....i guess we cant look back though, lara, we have to move forward.....we have no choice...aggghhh- but dont worry! my time machine is almost finished ;)
hang in there girl
~jane~
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