| Subject: Re: an attempt at a response |
Author:
red_candle
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Date Posted: 23:01:32 09/07/04 Tue
In reply to:
mrsk
's message, "Re: an attempt at a response to Nicole" on 20:05:42 09/07/04 Tue
>>i just came from my abnormal psych class where we
>>talked about eating disorders a little bit... and it
>>has me thinking. to say there is a "core" problem
>>would be too simple. i remember being little and
>>seeing movies on TV about anorexia and bulimia and
>>thinking how strange it was. i didnt understand how
>>girls (and boys) could not eat, or why they would
>>choose not to. it was such a foreign concept to me.
>>but i think even then there was a part of me that was
>>fascinated by thier willpower; intrigued even. i
>>wasn't scared of their emaciated bodies (as they
>>always make sure that the girls they interview look
>>classically 'anorexic') instead i identified with the
>>shutting off of all outward emotions, having control
>>over yourself, denying access of your problems to
>>anyone else. having an eating disorder, to me, is
>>like setting up a new self-contained life. you have a
>>secret that feels good to have, and maybe more
>>importantly an aspect of your life that is determined
>>by your willpower. however, that's also where the
>>problems begin. no one's willpower is strong all of
>>the time, and sometimes physical needs will overpower
>>mental determination. the hunger becomes secondary.
>>it's a battle, a struggle, and it has a very confusing
>>and tangled core. i believe that people with
>>disordered eating have some sort of genetic
>>predisposition towards it in some regards (it has been
>>suggested that our seratonin levels are out of whack,
>>though establishing a cause/effect relationship is not
>>really possible), but it doesn't stop there. in
>>addition to being at risk for developing an ED, there
>>also have to be environmental stressors that encourage
>>it along. unless we consider the combination of
>>environment and genetics, there is no complete answer.
>> for instance, my mom suffers from various mental
>>disorders, which puts me at a higher risk for
>>developing them myself. but i am not "predestined" to
>>acquire them. if i were rasied differently, chances
>>are that i may not have an ED. but because i had a
>>rough childhood, was molested, don't feel that i can
>>confide in either of my parents, etc; i now have low
>>self esteem, issues with sex, disordered eating
>>habits... the list goes on. i'm sure a lot of us on
>>this board could write books about our childhoods, our
>>teenage years, and on into adulthood that would be
>>filled with the traumas we have suffered. but on the
>>other hand, we are stronger the more that we know.
>>learning about why we act this way gives us courage to
>>confront our pasts, and maybe understand our eating
>>(and other) disorders a bit better. not that we can
>>change overnight. maybe never. but anyway the point
>>im trying to make is that looking for a core problem
>>is the wrong way to go about it. by understanding
>>that 'anorexics' and 'bulimics' are just people--yes,
>>maybe a little abnormal, and maybe scary to
>>outsiders--but still people, only then can you come at
>>the issue from a multidisciplinary standpoint. eating
>>disorders are personal, social, genetic,
>>environmental--and culturally and racially blind.
>>with as many people as they effect, there are bound to
>>be just as many triggers, just as many reasons...and
>>for some those reasons are still unidentified.
>>
>>i know i cant speak for everyone here, but this is how
>>i feel. (i also know i tend to use a very 'universal'
>>tone when writing that may seem to include everyone
>>and gloss over things a bit.) i'm really interested
>>to know how other people view their EDs. do you guys
>>think your eating habits are the result of a specific
>>thing? maybe developing an ED could be a
>>post-traumatic stress reaction?
>>phew, ok. didn't mean to type THIS much! i hope all
>>of you are doing well, whatever your goals.
>>
>>xo
>>nicole
>
>
>Nicole,
>That was one of the most insightful things that I have
>ever read. Thank you for putting that all in words.
>mrsk
hey all,
thank you so much for your warm responses. after i typed all of that up i got some very hurtful news about the guy i was just starting to date, namely in the form if his past and the kind of individual he is. i was beginning to feel "attached" again to someone but now, as if in an instant, i feel blank. im trying not to blame myself but its hard... i let myself be vulnerable. but reading your responses really effected me in a very good way. i am so touched by the people who post here so often, and really care about you guys like a family. thank you for the support and encouragement.
with gratitude,
nicole
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