CUTE~ COPIED FROM GLITZ & GLAM BOARD -- Let's hear your pageant talk. # 2

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Date Posted: 21:05:54 12/04/04 Sat
Author: No name
Subject: :-) CUTE~ COPIED FROM GLITZ & GLAM BOARD

Author Comment
From: A Pageant Princess

Dec 4, 04 - 8:55 PM DEAR SANTA

Dear Santa

Listen here you fat, red cheeked, pipe smoking bowl of jello! You bought me hardly anything that I asked for last year! I am laying on the line this year and you had better listen up!

First off, I need a new car for my mommy to haul me to pageants in. Our old Buick Skylark has 999,999,999,999 miles on it and I am tired of pulling into the pageant parking lot with smoke trailing 6 miles behind us! I mean come on fatso! We rack up over 450,000 miles a year on that old lead bucket just going to pageants! The last pageant we went to when Mom cut the car off, it keep on running and sputtering for about 15 minutes before it finally cut off! Then, when we got ready to leave, Mom had to get some poor man to push us so we could get it started again! I was SOOOO embarrassed I just laid down in the floorboard and pulled my pageant dress over my head!

Secondly, I need a new wiglet. Mommy tried to dye my hair and I don't know what the heck went wrong but now my hair resembles "Joseph's Coat of Many Colors" -- I've got the HAIR of many colors! Make sure you sneak in while I am sleeping and match it up because I am expecting a PERFECT match until I can get something done with this autracity!

Third, I need new veneers for my teeth! I know that you gave mommy the money for my braces and all a few years ago, but I am still not happy with them! I expect teeth that look in "REAL LIFE" like what they look like when the digital camera photographer "makes me teeth" for my pictures! I have already called the dentist, and its only going to be $8000.00 for tops and bottoms. That's a drop in the bucket for a fat old codger like you.

4th - Could you PLEASE get me a new sportswear outfit! I heard mom and dad fussing the other day about buying me a new one. Mom says I have outgrown mine. Dad says we don't have 1500.00 to spend on one right now because the house payment is already 6 months past due because of her pageant addiction. Look fatty, I know you have some pageant clothes in that little red bag of yours, so just pull one out (preferably PINK) so that Dad can get the house payments caught up before we are living in a motel EVERY night instead of just 15 nights out of the month at pageants!

Last, but not least, could you PLEASE see to it that little Janey Doe doesn't compete this year? Quite frankly, I am tired of having to compete against this little twit! Everywhere we go, her Dad is in cahoots with either the director, judges, etc. and it is becoming pretty obvious to us all why/how she keeps winning. If you don't stop this conflict of interest then I am going to have to resort to telling people who you REALLY are!

....and this year, PLEASE wipe your boots before you walk across our white living room carpet. You left boot prints all over last year and Mom about went into a tizzy when she saw them. I don't wanna hear her screaming like a banshee on Christmas morning again!

Love, Pageant Princess

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