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Subject: Re: Alternate Screenplay: DIMINISHED SKILLS


Author:
G
[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
Date Posted: 21:45:13 01/04/05 Tue
In reply to: K 's message, "Alternate Screenplay: DIMINISHED SKILLS" on 21:23:38 01/03/05 Mon

INT. SUBURBAN TOWNHOUSE - MORNING

The sun has come up, and yet Donnie remains passed out on the couch. We hear a buzzing noise similar to the one in the girls' place. This time however, it's Donnie's cell phone, and is buzzing away in his pants. Donnie is finally jolted awake and fishes the phone out of his pocket.

DONNIE
(into phone)
Um, hello?

JAKE
Donnie, goddamn it! Where are you? What the fuck is wrong with you? We have the presentation this morning remember?

Donnie checks the clock. It reads 10:25 am.

DONNIE
Shit Jake, I overslept!

JAKE
Sounds to me like you overdrank.

DONNIE
Jake, I need you to cover for me...

JAKE
It's too late Donnie. Old Man Vickers is turning three shades of purple he's so pissed off at you. He says your toast. He says your history. He says he's gonna fire your ass this time. I'm just calling to give you the heads up.

There is a beeping noise on the cell phone. It is Donnie's call waiting.

DONNIE
Look Jake, I have to call you back, I have another call.

Donnie presses the appropriate button.

DONNIE
Hello?

OLD MAN VICKERS
Donnie? Listen here you son of a bitch, you are fired!

And with that last word there is a gigantic explosion. Donnie hears a thunderous boom and his apartment actually trembles a bit. The phone connection is dead.

Donnie slumps down on the couch. He picks up the bottle of Scotch.

DONNIE
Well, you really did it this time, Scotch.

Donnie now hears faint screaming and commotion outside. A fire truck screams down the street. Then another fire truck and another. He shrugs his shoulders and turns on the TV. A news achorman stands before a building completely reduced to rubble. Firefighters try to keep the flames under control.

ANCHORMAN
This is Chet Lewis reporting from the E.D.S. building in downtown Chicago. The building has been completely destroyed. A terrorist attack has not been ruled out. The building contained two law firms, an eye clinic, and a prominent architecture firm as well.

Donnies eyes are wide open, as well as his mouth. His eyes quickly shoot to the corner of the room, where he smashed his model the night before. He looks at the model reckage and then the chaos on TV.

ANCHORMAN
We have some witnesses who claims they saw what happened.

The Anchorman stands before a group of three black youths.

YOUTH #1
Yo man it was whack!

YOUTH #2
It came from the sky!

YOUTH #3
It was a fireball, yo!

YOUTH #1
Seriously, yo, a fiery rock came down through the clouds and blew up that building, knowwhati'msayin?

YOUTH #2
Oh my god it was awesome!

YOUTH #3
It was a meteor, yo. A meteor.

Donnie is stunned.
He picks up the bottle of Scotch, and gives it a kiss.

DONNIE
You saved me, Scotch. You saved me.

CUT TO:

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Alternate Screenplay: DIMINISHED SKILLS


Author:
B Otch
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Date Posted: 13:12:25 01/05/05 Wed

INT. SARA and LEIA's apartment

LEIA is sittin on the couch with her eyes are wide open as she slowly goes into shock. Her mouth is open and the milk is spilling from her cereal bowl.

LEIA
Oh...my...God...

SARA comes up from beneath LEIA. Her head is drenched in milk and bits of Cheerios.

SARA
What's wrong?

LEIA (Points at TV)
I am so glad I called in today.

SARA
Was that your building?

LEIA nods hesitantly as she pushes SARA's head back down.

LEIA
Those poor bastard lawyers...

CUT TO:

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[> [> Subject: Re: Alternate Screenplay: DIMINISHED SKILLS


Author:
K
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 20:16:42 01/05/05 Wed

One week earlier (before Donnie’s firm blew up)...

INT. OFFICE BUILDING CONSTRUCTION AREA - MIDDAY

A group of construction workers are standing around a makeshift table in the middle of an empty open office area that is obviously being renovated. One man, PROJECT MANAGER, is dressed in business attire and wearing a hardhat. He looks up from the table and sees a frazzled Donnie quickly walking into the room.

PROJECT MANAGER
There you are!

DONNIE (out of breath)
Sorry I’m late.

PROJECT MANAGER
So glad you could make it. Listen Don, we have some issues that need to be addressed immediately before construction is delayed any further.

DONNIE
Further? I didn’t know there were any problems. What exactly is the hold up here?

A grizzled man in his mid-forties wearing a pair of dusty old coveralls, ELECTRICIAN, leans up from the table and addresses Donnie matter-of-factly.

ELECTRICIAN
Look here, we can’t hang these lights on the ceiling the way it’s shown on the drawings.

DONNIE
The light fixtures? Wait, we went over this last week. Just extend the rods down from the deck – you don’t have to fasten it to the grid the way it’s shown on the drawings.

ELECTRICIAN
Huh... well architect, how do you propose we do that???

DONNIE (tension in voice)
Look, we talked about this before. I even drew a sketch.

PROJECT MANAGER (calming)
Oh yes, that’s right – you did. I remember we worked this out quickly on a napkin.

ELECTRICIAN (impatiently)
Well the next time you’re having drinks maybe you can invite me, eh?

DONNIE (frustrated)
Look, it’s a simple solution...I faxed a hard copy of it to the general.

ELECTRICIAN
Well I don’t have it. Listen boy-wonder, why don’t you get your Etch-A-Sketch out and do us the honor of drawing a new detail so we can all get back to work, okay?

Donnie is steamed by the electrician’s condescending tone and is about to fly off the handle... he thinks better of it for a moment, but then unleashes a completely unprofessional verbal assault on him anyway.

DONNIE
Hey, I have a better idea. Why don’t you give me your goddamn tools and I’ll fucking show you how to install the light fixtures myself! Oh wait, that’s right, you don’t have any tools!!! Jesus Christ, you’re the only tradesman I’ve ever seen who doesn’t carry any tools! No wonder you can’t get shit done around here. All you do is walk around and bitch about how you can’t do this and you can’t do that. Just read the fucking drawings and stop questioning how --

ELECTRICIAN
I don’t have to listen to this shit!!!

DONNIE
You’re a goddamn electrician for chrissake – act like you’ve installed a fucking light before!!!

PROJECT MANAGER
Don!!! That’s enough!!!

ELECTRICIAN (to Project Manager)
You better talk to him, or I’m walking – you hear?!

PROJECT MANAGER
Don, go get some coffee and I’ll be over in a minute to talk to you. ...I’m sorry Hank, I’ll get you the detail right away.

Donnie pours a cup of stale coffee into a paper cup, and then oddly downs it as he eyeballs the electrician. He then tosses the cup next to a pile of debris where a LABORER had been sweeping.

LABORER
What da fuck, bro?

Donnie kicks the cup into the pile of debris and gives the laborer an “are you happy now?” kind of look. He then looks back over to the electrician who is now talking to another worker – TINY. Tiny is a man of huge proportions – he could easily be an offensive lineman for an NFL team. He is very intimidating. The electrician makes a “cut his throat” motion to Tiny and then looks back over to Donnie. Tiny just smiles and nods.

CUT TO

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