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Subject: Re: Alternate Screenplay: DIMINISHED SKILLS Author: B Otch [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 14:50:39 01/30/05 Sun In reply to: K 's message, "Alternate Screenplay: DIMINISHED SKILLS" on 21:23:38 01/03/05 Mon FLASH FORWARD MONTAGE Suburban townhome. Donnie toiling over a blank piece of paper on his drafting table. Donnie pacing back and forth in his office. Donnie tossing around some drafts and sketches. Donnie smashing some architectural models. Donnie giving the finger to a picture of Frank Lloyd Wright. Donnie down on his knees. Donnie sobbingly listens to his answering machine. WOMAN (VO) Um... Hey there Donnie. It's Kate. Um... listen, I don't think we should see each other anymore - things have just gotten way too complicated for me. ....I'm sorry. ....Good bye, Donnie. ....Please don't call me - CLICK Donnie grabs a bottle of scotch. Donnie past out on the couch. INT. SUBURBAN TOWNHOUSE - MORNING Donnie's cell phone begins to buzz in his pants. Donnie is jolted awake and fishes the phone out of his pocket. DONNIE Um, hello? JAKE Donnie, goddamn it! Where are you? What the fuck is wrong with you? We have the presentation this morning remember? Donnie checks the clock. It reads 10:25 am. DONNIE Shit Jake, I overslept! JAKE Sounds to me like you overdrank. DONNIE Jake, I need you to cover for me... JAKE It's too late Donnie. Old Man Vickers is turning three shades of purple he's so pissed off at you. He says your toast. He says your history. He says he's gonna fire your ass this time. I'm just calling to give you the heads up. There is a beeping noise on the cell phone. It is Donnie's call waiting. DONNIE Look Jake, I have to call you back, I have another call. Donnie presses the appropriate button. DONNIE Hello? OLD MAN VICKERS Donnie? Listen here you son of a bitch, you are fired! And with that last word there is a gigantic explosion. Donnie hears a thunderous boom and his apartment actually trembles a bit. The phone connection is dead. Donnie slumps down on the couch. He picks up the bottle of Scotch. DONNIE Well, you really did it this time, Scotch. Donnie now hears faint screaming and commotion outside. A fire truck screams down the street. Then another fire truck and another. He shrugs his shoulders and turns on the TV. A news achorman stands before a building completely reduced to rubble. Firefighters try to keep the flames under control. ANCHORMAN This is Chet Lewis reporting... Donnie's eyes and mouth are wide open. He picks up the bottle of Scotch, and gives it a kiss. DONNIE You saved me, Scotch. You saved me. CUT TO: [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> Subject: Re: Alternate Screenplay: DIMINISHED SKILLS Author: K [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 19:23:34 01/31/05 Mon INT. SARA and LEIA's apartment SARA is sitting on the couch with her eyes wide open as she slowly goes into shock. Her mouth is open and the milk is spilling from her cereal bowl. SARA Oh...my...God... LEIA comes up from beneath SARA. Her head is drenched in milk and bits of Cheerios. LEIA What's wrong? SARA (Points at TV) I am so glad I called in today. LEIA Was that your building? SARA nods hesitantly as she pushes LEIA's head back down. SARA Those poor bastards... LEIA Oh well, I can't seem to find the quarter I dropped under the couch. Hey thanks alot for dumping your cereal on my head while I was looking. You know, it probably looked like I was doing something else just now...something very dirty. But I wasn't. SARA Shhhh.........I'm sorry, I'm in shock, that's my building! LEIA Oh my god! It's suddenly occurred to me the seriousness of this situation! SARA This is terrible! Is this really happening??? LEIA Well, it is the FOX news channel, they've been known to sensationalize certain situations for rating's purposes. SARA Hell yeah they do! LEIA I'll bet it's not as bad as it seems. SARA Gosh I hope it's not! LEIA You know who might know about what's happening... SARA Donnie? LEIA (surprised) ....yeah. How'd you know that? SARA ...I dunno. Wait! How'd you know that he'd know??? LEIA Oh, cause I slept with him. Didn't I tell you that? SARA You did???? Me too!!! LEIA/SARA Slut! CUT TO: [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Alternate Screenplay: DIMINISHED SKILLS Author: K [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 21:04:36 01/31/05 Mon FLASH BACK - Previous night INT. Donnie's house. Late night Donnie is passed out on his couch. The Heat Soundtrack has been blaring for a while. Outside Leia has just come home and looks annoyed by the noise coming from Donnie's place as she enters her doorway. A moment goes by, and then a mysterious black van pulls into Donnie's driveway - the headlights are off. A man gets out of the van and opens the side door quietly. He grabs a duffle bag and a medium size television monitor, and then he walks up to Donnie's door. The man knocks on the door rather loud, but there is no answer. In the light, we recongnize the man as Alberto. ALBERTO (to himself) Just as I thought - this fucker is probably passed out from the Scotch again. Time to make some electronical repairs. Alberto tries the door knob - it's not locked. Alberto slips in with his gear. Alberto walks over to the living room and sees Donnie passed out. ALBERTO (whispering) Wazzup playa??? Alberto quickly replaces Donnie's busted TV with a brand-spankin' new one (same model). Then he does a little jig to the song blaring from the adjacent stereo. ALBERTO (whispering) There. Now Old Ass Vickers can complete his damn Dimished Skillzzzz Project ... except for one little twist he was not expecting. Muhahahah! Alberto unzips his duffle bag and begins to strip naked there in Donnie's living room. CUT TO: Next Morning (AGAIN) INT. Sara and Leia's apartment. Leia and Sara are in the middle of a tickle fight. SARA (laughing) You slut - I can't believe you slept with Donnie! LEIA Shut up! You did too though! SARA I know! Can you believe it? You whore. LEIA Oh my god! You're a whore. SARA Shhhh....wait a minute - what if he was at work this morning? LEIA Oh no! We should totally go see if he's home. SARA Okay - god I hope he wasn't hurt by the meteor. LEIA I know, right? What are the chances a meteor would hit today anyway? SARA I know, seriously. CUT TO: EXT. Donnie's house - moments later Sara and Leia (still in PJ's, by the way) are knocking on Donnie's front door. SARA He's not home. LEIA Yeah the music stopped. He must've left. SARA But who's van is that? LEIA Fuck it, let's just go in - look the door's open anyway. SARA Sweet. Sara and Leia sneak into Donnie's house and walk towards the living room. DONNIE Ladies, ladies, ladies! It's great to be alive! SARA/LEIA Donnie!!! DONNIE I may have lost my girlfriend, my job, my first huge freelance commission - hell, fuckin' buildings are even getting slammed by asteroids this morning... but I'll tell you what - it's great to be alive! LEIA/SARA Hell yeah it is! DONNIE So.... I'm glad you two came over here. LEIA We just wanted to check on you. DONNIE Never been better - you want some Scotch??? SARA Sure, you wanna smoke up? DONNIE Yes. Yes I do. After all, I got nuthin to lose this morning. Pass the dutchie on the left side, mon'. LEIA (to Sara) I told you he liked to party. SARA No - I told you! ...slut. DONNIE Ladies, there's no need to argue. There's plenty of Donnie to go around. Donnie, Sara and Leia are all starting to get a little friendly with one another. The Scotch is flowing and the weed is burning. DONNIE So... just so I understand, you two are bi-sexuals right? LEIA We've been known to experiment from time to time. DONNIE Fantastic! ....so, you ever seen that movie Threesome? SARA You mean the one where the girl does the two guys? DONNIE Damn - that was two guys? LEIA Yup. DONNIE Nevermind... Hey, you guys ever see that mov-- LEIA Donnie, just shut up and take off your pants! DONNIE Yeah girl! ...Life is just too easy! Donnie begins to take off his clothes, and the girls are quickly undressing as well. Suddenly the closet door pops open and a strange figure emerges wearing a shiny full-leather body suit, mask and ball-gag. The figure is moaning. DONNIE Hey, it's the gimp! Leia and Sara scream in horror. DONNIE Look girls, it's the gimp! What are you doing here gimp? LEIA Gross Donnie, I didn't know you were into S & M. SARA Let's get out of here Ley! LEIA/SARA Perverts!!! DONNIE But wait! Come back! I don't know this guy. The gimp walks over to Donnie and does a jig. DONNIE (depressed) Get out of here gimp. CUT TO: [ Post a Reply to This Message ]