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Date Posted: Friday, February 03, 12:30:34pm
Author: concerned fan
Subject: another negative CREW report

who do these internet people think they are???

Coastal Real Extreme Wrestling
January 28, 2006
Williamston, NC at the National Guard Armory
Kaos in the Cage

1. Dr. Stud defeated Yellow Hornet and John Saxon in a three way dance.
Yellow Hornet looks like Will O’ the Wisp of OMEGA fame, Dr. Stud a pimp bowler gone horrifically awry and Saxon a legitimate wrestler. The match was sloppy and featured tons of blown spots. Mike starts up a “Take it home” chant. Yellow Jacket gets pissed and gives us an evil look. The match ends when Saxon hits a frogsplash on Hornet. Dr. Stud makes the cover for the pinfall victory while Saxon poses.
POSTMATCH: Dr. Stud talks trash to Dan the Fireman. Fireman grabs his cordless mike, gets out of seat, crosses the guardrail and hits the ring. They both accept a match for the upcoming show at ECSU on February 11. They exchange some more jibber jabber before they begin to brawl. Dan got the better of Dr. Stud and began a USA Chant. Why the hell do you start a “USA” chant when your opponent is from the “USA” and has not proclaimed his allegiance to any other nation? This was just plain stupid.
COMMENTS: Highlight of the match, Danielle.
RATING: DUD

- CREW Co-Tag Team Champion Vinnie Vain is out to answer any questions the ring announcer has. The ring announcer runs his mouth to Uncle Vinnie. Basically, the story is that if Vinnie wins his match tonight against an unknown opponent, he will receive a title shot against Viper on February 25 in the same building.

2. Cowboy Bandit #1 defeated Valek by hanging.
An important figure and owner of 49% of CREW and someone else who owns 51% rules that Valek must wrestle an unnamed opponent in a no disqualification contest. Two cowboys donning bandanas enter from behind us, heads through to the crowd and hits the ring. This is basically a handicap match. Cowboy Bandit #2 carries a computer keyboard. He steals two caps and a pair of glasses and tosses them on. The crap that happened from this point on is indescribable. You just had to be there to see how awful this angle was. Bandit #1 pulls the tire iron hanging down from the rafters by a noose. Bandit #2 jumps into the ring and aids his partner. They nail Valen with the tire iron. The Bandits grab the noose and proceed to hang Valek. The Bandits continue to pound on Valek until he passes out from being choked out. The bandits leave when they are threatened with a $5K per minute fine.
COMMENTS: This scene was like shoving dozens of hot pokers up your ass. The match and angle was more inbred and disfigured than Edgar Allan Poe’s House of Usher. I’d like to know who booked this crap. There was zero crowd reaction. I mean zero crowd reaction. None! Nada! Zippo! Nobody gave a rodent’s posterior about what happened in the ring. The whole scenario was about as disfigured as the House of Usher of Edgar Allan Poe fame. I hate to see talent wasted in crappy angles.
DUD: negative infinity.

3. Jynxx & Luke Mossimo pinned Wayne Reed & Bobby Austin.
Bobby Austin is a complete rip-off of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, right on down Steve’s mannerisms, demeanor and move set. After the last match, I don’t give a royal ass about the action in the ring. The match ends when Jynxx nails Reed with a full nelson slam.
COMMENTS: The match might have been passable had it not been for the angle run from the previous match. Mossimo kept the match from a negative rating. Jynxx and Wayne Reed are young and have potential. As for Bobby Austin, he has absolutely no right to be in the wrestling business.
RATING: DUD

4. Vinnie Vain pinned VAX.
Vain taunts the ring announcer about the tag titles. Vain has his belt worn inside out like Kriss Kross. The ring announcer gloats and announces Vain’s opponent is his tag team partner and co-champion, VAX. The referee confiscates six foreign objects including a chain, a club, a sifter, a wrench and a 50 caliber round he stole from the armory. Now you know, at the least the 50 caliber round was original. You have to admit it. This match was so bad, VAX misses a boot to the face by six inches, but Vain still sells it. Oh, God, this is horrible. Vain tries to retreat to the locker room and is stopped by the immovable force. VAX follows suit and both men brawl back to the ring. The match mercifully ends when Vain nails VAX with a chain that the referee never confiscated.
COMMENTS: Wait a minute; this was supposed to be some blow off match to a feud? Or was this a match where VAX was Vain’s mystery opponent? Are they splitting as a tag team? Who knows? Vinnie did not look too great in the ring, but then again he may be a rookie. He was the only heel to this point to generate any heat. On the other hand, VAX was horrible. It was like nobody cared about him.
RATING: negative two stars.

5. Natasha pinned Exodus.
This is Exodus’ first match. Exodus has her face painted like Sting. After returning from the concession stand, the kid sitting next to me says that “We need Rey Mysterio.” I agree, but I wished he had said that earlier in the night. Exodus gets posted late in the match. Anyway, I didn’t see the ending.
COMMENTS: The Rey Mysterio comment was hilarious. To be fair, this was Exodus’s first match and I’ve seen much worse from wrestlers who wrestled for a while. It is true that women’s wrestling is dead in the US, but its not like it can’t be resurrected either. If you like women’s wrestling, snatch up a SHIMMER DVD from rohwrestling.com.
RATING: N/A

6. Gluteus Maximus pinned Rex Sterling.
Finally, we have ourselves a wrestling match. Gluteus is dressed in Roman attire, as his gimmick lives up to his name. Sterling works over Maximus arm to begin the match. Maximus sends Sterling flying over the top rope to the floor. Maximus tosses Sterling into the front row. Sterling recovers first and tosses Maximus into the ring apron. Sterling slams Maximus head on the apron. Sterling heads back into the ring and attempts a hurricanrana or plancha and gets powerbombed on the guardrail and floor. OUCH! Back in the ring, Sterling momentarily saves his life by eluding a bodysplash. Sterling nails Maximus with a DDT. WOW! Ladies and gentlemen we have ourselves a wrestling match. Sterling lands the move of the night with a running shooting star press. Nice move. Sterling scores a two count. Sterling attempts a moonsault. Maximus ducks, but Sterling lands on his feet. Sterling ducks a clothesline and nails Maximus in the knee with a dropkick. Sterling charges at Maximus and is slammed in the process. Maximus goes for the top turnbuckle, but is cut off by Sterling. Sterling pounds on Maximus head. Maximus fights out and lands a bodacious looking top rope full nelson slam. This match is over: 1, 2, 3. Ring the bell.
COMMENTS: Finally, we have a wrestling match. While this match was short, it served its purpose to give Maximus a clean victory. Sterling put on a great performance and has a future in this business. Give another few years and he could possibly wrestle for ROH or TNA. Maximus looked agile to be a big man and held his end of the match up as well.
RATING: **1/2. Add another five minutes and we easily have a *** or better match.

7. Team Viper (Viper & Shane Falco & Adrian Whisper) defeated Team Kaos (Damien Wayne & Timber & Vinnie Vain) in a War Games Kaos in the Cage match.
* Damien Wayne vs. Shane Falco. Viper tosses the trash can of doom into the ring. DW attacks Falco as Falco enters the cage. Falco fights back and wedges the garbage can between the turnbuckles. Falco whips DW into the trash can. Falco executes a suplex and an elbow drop. DW recoups and regains control.
* Timber enters: Team Kaos wins the coin toss and the advantage. Of course, in War Games, the heels always win the coin toss! Timber looks like Duke “the Dumpster” Droese. The difference is Timber can wrestle. Timber smashes Falco with the can. OW! DW hits a spinning delayed vertical suplex and Timber follows up with a spinebuster. Falco is introduced to the cage.
* Vinnie Vain enters: The heels have a three on one advantage. DW climbs to the top of the cage and lands the DW Elbow Drop of Doom! By this point, the trash can is demolished. Somehow, it still has a practical use as a weapon. Falco makes a come back and hits a spinebuster on Vain. Falco crotches Vain. Falco is busted open.
* Whisper enters: Whisper enters and climbs the cage. Whisper doesn’t live up to his name and causes a huge uproar by hitting a busted open Timber with a cross bodyblock. Whisper cleans house by smashing everyone with the trash can. Timber stops the onslaught with a clothesline. Falco slaps on a Masterlock on Vinnie and turns into a German suplex. Timber hits a middle rope legdrop on Whisper.
* Viper enters: The CREW Heavyweight Champion enters the ring to clean house. Viper gorilla press slams Damien and receives a crotch shot thanks to Uncle Vinnie. Viper is introduced to the cage by Vinnie. Whisper hits a double crotch legdrop on Timber. Timber recovers and smashes Viper with the trash can. Timber hits a back suplex/powerbomb combo Whisper onto Vain. Falco has opportunity to pin Timber, but the referee acts confused and doesn’t know to count the pinfall attempt or not! Falco scores a two count. Vain nails Viper with a superkick. Falco sneaks from behind and powerbombs Vain. I hear someone yelling TIMBER when Timber misses a moonsault. Whisper pins Timber for a two count. Viper smashes Vain with the trash can again. DW hits a middle rope back suplex on Whisper. Be very quiet! Viper is busted open as well. Viper cages Vain. DW elbow drops a bloody Whisper. Whisper recovers to climb to the top of the cage. Whisper dives 4/5 the distance of the ring and nails DW with a clothesline. OUCH! Vain climbs the ropes and leaps into Viper’s awaiting arms and a belly to belly suplex to score a two count. DW punts Whisper. Timber lands a moonsault on the trash can that was placed on Viper’s chest. Falco splashes DW. DW suplexes Vain. Good action, but you haven’t seen anything yet! Timber suplexes Whisper onto Viper! Whisper scores a two count on his own partner. Now that is innovative and entertaining! Timber lands a middle rope elbow drop on Whisper after Viper kicked out the pinfall attempt. I’m still marking out over the pin attempt. Whisper dropkicks Vain. DW smashes Whisper with a top rope axe kick. Wicked! DW scores a two count. DW regains the advantage with a top rope legdrop on Whisper. Timber splashes Whisper for a two count. Whisper dropkicks Vain. Viper cages DW. Whisper smashes Vain’s head on top of the cage. They both battle it out on the top turnbuckle until Whisper crotches Vain. Whisper follows up with a top rope bulldog. Viper chops DW. WHOO! Falco locks the Sharpshooter on DW. DW eventually escapes and receives a clothesline for his efforts by the Silent Storm, Whisper! Timber clotheslines Falco. Now, DW and Whisper battle on the top turnbuckle. Timber ties Falco to the Tree of Woe Is Me and lands a nice dropkick. OUCH! That sure hurt! Vain scores a two count on Viper by placing both feet on the middle ropes for leverage. Now that would be a stunner if Vain pinned Viper before their upcoming title match on 2/25. Falco superkicks Vain. Well, at this point, Timber decides to finish the faces off, but accidentally tosses a white powder substance into DW’s face. Oh, shiatsu! You messed up now. TIMBER! Timber finishes his own partner DW off with the Log Dropper. That was real brutal. The faces cover DW for the pinfall victory.
POSTMATCH: Timber is slapped for the screw up. DW sneaks from behind to attack Timber. Eventually, Team Viper makes the save and Timber beats the crap out of his manager. HA! HA! HA! Revenge is mine.
COMMENTS: This was a very good blow off match to end a long standing feud. I enjoyed the wrestling that was mixed with tons of brawling. The cage was a nice structure, even better than some of the bigger indies. The only negatives I felt was that the match ended abruptly, lacked storytelling and the leaps from the top of the cage should have been saved for the end of the match. Also, I wished the rules for victory had been made clear ahead of time. A War Games match is generally won by submission or surrender only. Otherwise, this was a great brawl. This match and Sterling/Gluteus saved the show from being an absolute self-imploding bomb.
RATING: ***1/2

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