| Subject: Re: Family Christmas - C6/8 plus |
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fananicfan
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Date Posted: 23:09:54 06/15/07 Fri
In reply to:
fananicfan
's message, "Family Christmas - story after How We Became Us in the series" on 09:10:59 06/11/07 Mon
CHAPTER SIX – The Rest of the Story
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Harm woke, lying on his side with Mac’s form against his back and her arm draped over him. As his body started to shake off the morning haze of sleep, his mind lingered on the thought of skipping his morning run and making love to the woman lying behind him, but he forced himself to slip from bed without waking her. The decision to leave their bed hadn’t been an easy one. It was the right one, though, because Mac needed to rest, and with no resolution in the Mac and Mattie situation, a change in routine immediately after Mac’s arrival might cause more tension between the two of them.
Harm returned from his run to the aroma of coffee brewing. He went into the kitchen where Mac was standing in her robe, making the egg and milk mixture to dip bread in for French toast. “I went for a run so you could sleep. I didn't want to wake you.”
“You didn’t wake me. Mattie knocked on the bedroom door eight minutes ago. You’ll get the first plate of French toast because she’s in the bathroom.”
“I usually wake her on my way to get in the shower when I get back. Why did she wake you?”
“I imagine that she didn’t think that you’d have what she needed. I had a couple tucked in my luggage, but she and I will have to go to the store today.” It took until about half of Mac’s words were out for him to realize what she was talking about, and he had a look on his face that men get when the topic of the female cycle comes up. “What’s the matter, Harm? Have you forgotten what it's like to live with a woman?” she teased.
“I don't think a getaway of a week or two can be considered living with one. Jennifer took care of 'girl needs' when Mattie was with me and living next door. Do you want to use the car?”
Mac was amused by his switching subjects method of replying. “No, you use it. We’ll take a taxi. I'll pick up the couple of things on your list from the front of the frig while we’re out, too." She handed him a cup of coffee with a big smile on her face before returning her attention to the French toast in the skillet.
“Does your plan for the day include getting any rest like the doctor suggested?”
“After you've gone to work, I’ll clean up the kitchen and get dressed. We’ll go to the store, and the rest of the day depends on how she feels.” Mac offered him a plate of French toast. “I’d like to talk to her today, but I don’t want to push her. I rested well not sleeping alone last night," she said, her voice sounding almost like a purr. "But I'll take a nap if there's time."
Without enough hands to eat and drink while standing, Harm had to put his coffee cup down on the counter. It had happened several times while Mattie had been here visiting. He missed the counter facing the cook where a person could eat and talk to the cook at the same time. Standing up to eat his breakfast this morning made him make a mental note that any house they bought would have to have a breakfast bar. Harm took the fork from the side of his plate and cut through the corner of one slice of toast. “Did the doctor say anything other than you need some rest?” He put the forkful into his mouth.
“A few things."
"Like..."
"It wasn't a regular doctor. She was a specialist.”
“What kind of specialist and what did she say?” he asked, his voice full of concern.
“After I was shot, the surgeon who removed the bullets said that the endometriosis made it difficult to locate one of them, so he had to remove some of the tissue to find it. He said that he couldn’t be sure because it wasn’t his area of expertise, but that the surgery should have improved my chances of getting pregnant. He said that, after I'd healed completely from the shooting, I should check with my doctor to see if my chances had improved. With the wedding and moving, it took me until now to have time to take care of it.”
“And are they better?” Harm asked with more understanding as to why she hadn't mentioned the appointment to him before now.
“Some, she moved it up to ten percent. She says that I can maximize the chances of becoming pregnant by doing things to take better care of myself like reducing my stress, eating healthier, getting enough sleep...that kind of thing. When she asked if or for how long I'd been trying, I told her about our separate living status and why it was that way. She told me that that didn't have to stop us and she said that when I knew when you were going to be in town next that I should call and make an appointment for her to meet with both of us to discuss options."
They didn’t have a chance to talk about it anymore right then because a voice from the other room halted their conversation. "Harm, I’m out of the bathroom so you can shower.” The voice was moving closer. “Is that Mac’s French toast I smell?” Mattie appeared in the doorway.
Mac answered with a smile, “Yes it is." She then put a couple of slices of French toast on a plate for Mattie.
“It was very good,” Harm said as he moved to put his plate in the sink. While he was doing that, Mac topped off his coffee. He reached for his cup, kissed Mac on the cheek and moved towards the doorway. "I''m headed to the shower."
Harm returned to the kitchen after his shower to find Mac alone and standing at the sink with her back to him. He moved quietly, but she felt his presence and knew that he was there even before his arms snaked around her waist. He nuzzled his face into her hair until he had access to her neck. He placed a delicate kiss just below her ear. She turned in his arms, and they were in a sensual kiss in a second.
"You'd better leave now or you're going to be very late," Mac said after the kiss had come to a natural close.
Her voice was sexy, and he wanted to stay, but he reluctantly pulled away. "I'll see you later."
She walked with him to the door and kissed him on the cheek for fear that a real kiss would only heighten the desire that she was feeling.
With Harm off to work, Mac went back to cleaning up the kitchen. She put some dishes away that were dry and had started to wash another set when she felt eyes on her. She turned to see Mattie, dressed and standing in the doorway. "Do you want something else to eat?" Mac asked.
"No, I came to see if you needed any help."
"You could dry and put away," Mac replied with a smile.
Mattie pulled the drying towel from the holder and went to work alongside Mac. Mac was afraid to break the spirit of cooperation, so they finished the dishes without talking. When the last of the dishes were washed, Mac said, "That's all of them, and, since you're ready to go, I'll leave you to finish while I get ready. Thank you for your help."
Mac returned a little bit later, dressed and ready to go, and they left the apartment on their errand to the store. They didn't converse much. Mattie pointed out a couple of places that she and Harm had visited that they passed in route to the store, but they had no real conversation on the way to or from the store or while they were shopping.
When they arrived back at the apartment, they worked together to unpack their purchases and put them away. Though they hadn't talked much, things had gone pretty well, and Mattie had been helpful this morning, so Mac asked Mattie if she felt up to going out to lunch. Mac thought that things were looking up for them when Mattie accepted her invitation.
During the taxi ride to the restaurant, Mac kept the conversation simple. Mac asked about other places that Mattie had seen and about places that she still wanted to visit. Mattie hit the highlights of the places that she'd seen with Harm's parents and with Harm.
During lunch, they talked about the climate differences between San Diego and London, and other such meaningless drivel. Without the tension of recent months between them, the atmosphere was like those days in the hospital when Mattie always seemed glad to have Mac around to talk to, and lunch was over much too soon to suit Mac.
The taxi ride back to the apartment was quiet because Mac didn't want to spoil the mood, and Mattie was staring out the window, appearing to be deep in thought.
Coming back inside the apartment, the Christmas tree caught Mac's attention. Mac was talking more to herself than to Mattie, but Mattie heard her say, "I need to unpack the presents that I brought and the gift that Harriet gave me, and put them under the tree."
Mattie was sitting on the couch, staring at the Christmas tree when Mac returned from the bedroom, carrying several boxes wrapped in Christmas paper. Mac, trying to keep up the polite chat of the day, asked Mattie if she had all of her Christmas shopping done or if they should plan a day of shopping for tomorrow.
"Mac, do you know what Harm said that he wanted most for Christmas?"
"No, what does he want? We still have time to get it for him."
"I don't think you can buy it. He said that he wants a family Christmas. Do you know what he means?"
"I think I do." Mac sat down next to Mattie on the couch. "He wants us each to share a family memory or tradition and blend them together this year to start our own tradition, but most of all he wants the three of us to be together and to appreciate the fact that our family is able to be together for Christmas."
"He usually goes to The Wall, but he can't do that this year," Mattie sadly stated.
Mac felt a little twinge of guilt because she knew that he hadn't gone last year either since he'd spent the night with her in a hospital. "It won't be the same, but we might be able to do something about that."
That had Mattie's interest, and the two ladies hatched a plan. Mac made a call to have the plan executed. The arrangements didn't take long, so they still had time before Harm was scheduled to be home. Mac didn't want to spoil the mood of the day, but she wanted to know if Mattie had a special memory or Christmas tradition that could be incorporated into this Christmas. "Mattie, is there something special that your family did at Christmas or something you always wished that your family did?"
Mattie became somber as she replied to Mac's question. "It's stupid."
Mac pushed until she got Mattie to spit it out. "My mom and I would make cookies on Christmas Eve before I went to bed." Mattie's voice cracked from emotion. "We'd leave three cookies out, one from each of us for Santa. Even when I knew that Santa wasn't real, we still baked cookies and left them for him. I would go to sleep on Christmas Eve with the house smelling like fresh baked cookies." Mattie paused for a few seconds. "See, I told you it was silly."
Mac's childhood, even at the holidays, held no fond memories, so Mac was a little envious. "It isn't silly." Mattie's mother had left Mattie with memories of happier times that would serve to comfort her as she grew older. Mac's voice was laced with the sympathy that she felt for Mattie's pain at the loss of her mother. "What kind of cookies?"
"My mother liked those family magazines by the checkout at the grocery store. She'd make one batch of a new cookie from a recipe that she'd gotten out of one of them first and then a batch of chocolate chip cookies because they're my favorite."
"Mattie, if or when you're ready, I'd be honored if you'd let me bake cookies with you."
That's when the dam on Mattie's emotions broke. Mattie's tone was angry and she was screaming. "Why? Why would you want to bake cookies with me? You don't care about me. You wanted Harm, and you had to take me to get him." Tears were streaming down Mattie's face as she fled from the living room.
Mattie's outburst was so loud that they didn't hear Harm enter the apartment. He hadn't heard any of the rest of the conversation, only Mattie's rantings.
Mac sat stunned on the couch and came out of her trance only when she felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder from behind. "I'll go talk to her," Harm said with his hand resting on her shoulder in an effort to comfort her.
Mac sat up straight and placed her hand over his, patting it as she spoke. "No, it's time that she and I talked. If she isn't ready, she'll just have to listen." Mac rose from the couch and headed to Mattie's room.
Harm knew that this 'talk' needed to happen and, with concern that Christmas would be ruined for everyone, he watched Mac leave the room. Once out of his sight, Harm decided that he should take a more strategic position and moved into the hall in time to see Mac knock on the Mattie's bedroom door while opening it. Harm moved closer. Mac had left the door ajar, and he moved close enough to hear without being seen.
Mattie was on her bed, lying on her stomach with her face buried in the pillow. "Mattie," Mac began. "I was trying to find a tradition that you'd want to incorporate into our family Christmas. I know that you may not be ready to share memories of your mother and I understand, but you need to know that, when you are ready, I'm here. I know that you may never be ready to bake cookies with anyone else, but I'd be honored to bake them with you if you ever want to." Mac paused, wondering if Mattie was listening. "I didn't want to upset you and I'm sorry that I did."
Mac needed to get it all out while she had the thoughts formed in her head. "Mattie, we agreed last week on the phone that we needed to talk. We were having such a wonderful day that I hoped that we could talk today about this. I know that you're upset right now and not in the mood to talk, but I need you to listen." Mac sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Mattie's hair. "I don't know where you got the idea that I don't want you, but that isn't true. I have no proof to offer you other than to say that I do want you, that I consider you as much my daughter as Harm's and that I love you - all I can give you is my word that it's true."
Mattie rolled over to look at Mac. "Why did that Chloe girl get to sit next to you at the rehearsal dinner then?"
"Chloe had flown in for the wedding, and I hadn't seen her in awhile. I wanted Chloe to know that she was important to me, and it was important to me that she'd come. I never dreamed that, by making her not feel left out, it would make you feel that you weren't important to me. I'd been your guardian and living next door to you for almost three months, and I thought you'd like the break from me, especially with Harm in town. You hadn't seen him in all that time and you weren't going to have much time together because of the wedding and the honeymoon. I put the two of you together so you two could have time together at the rehearsal dinner. We were going to be a family. I thought you knew that I loved you, but I guess I'd never said it, so how would you know? I know it's late, but I hope it's not too late...I do love you."
The tears in Mac's eyes told Mattie that she should believe her, but it wasn't that easy. "Are we done now? I want to take a nap before Harm gets home."
Mac didn't tell Mattie that Harm was already home. She simply nodded and retreated from the room. Once Mac had pulled the door closed, she ran to the master bedroom, right past Harm. Harm knew from the sound of the sniffle as she went by that Mac was crying.
Harm stood in the hall, unsure of which of the females in his life needed him more at the moment. After sorting through it for a few moments, he moved towards their bedroom. Mac and Mattie needed to resolve this, and Mattie needed time to process the things that Mac had said before anyone talked to her again.
Mac was sitting on the edge of the bed with a tissue in hand when Harm came into the room. Between the tears and sniffles, Mac managed to say, "I don't know which is worse, thinking that she hates me or knowing that she doesn't believe that I love her." Her crying became more audible and the tears flowed more freely as she spoke. "Worse yet, I've ruined your Christmas."
Harm sat next to Mac and put his arm around her shoulders. He pulled her to him and she leaned her head against his shoulder. "My Christmas isn’t ruined," he began. "You answered her questions and you're giving her space to think about what you've said. You've learned that she doesn't hate you, because you don't care if someone loves you or not if you don't love them. I think we felt that fighting for her in court would be all the proof that she'd need. Neither of us thought that she’d be so insecure as a part of our family that she'd feel this way, but we were wrong."
She placed her palm on his cheek. "I love you a little more everyday," she said before applying a soft kiss to his lips. “You’re home early,” she added with a sniffle.
“Yes, a couple of hours.”
Mac began to unbutton his uniform shirt. “Mattie said that she was going to take a nap until you got home, so we have time.”
Their movements were slow and methodical as the layers of clothing came off. The kisses became more intense and passionate as anticipation of their exposed flesh touching the other's built within them. The first contact of skin on skin caused each of them to release a sigh of delight and the temperature of their bodies to jump a few degrees. Touching and kissing in exploration of each other kept the pent up love and desire from the past three months from unfolding too fast, but when the time was right, he covered her body with his until the pangs of need gave way to the tingling sensations of satisfaction.
His loving compassion made her strong, and riding out this storm with Mattie no longer felt as insurmountable as it had before. They'd settled into a post coital snuggle. Though the problem with Mattie hadn’t been resolved, Mac had an observation on another matter. “I would have slept better if we’d done that last night.”
“You were exhausted and needed to rest, and I didn’t want you to think that it was the only thing that I missed about having you here. I miss little things, like seeing you smile and hearing you laugh. I can’t tell you how much better I slept last night just because you were here or how much better my day was because I woke up next to you."
He let the room fall silent for a few moments. Mac was smiling. He was a good man, and she didn’t know how she'd gotten so lucky.
It was Harm who broke the silence. "While we have a few minutes to talk, I want to know how long you think we should wait for me to get orders to San Diego before I put in for retirement."
They talked about a time frame until it was concluded that, in March, about the time of their six month wedding anniversary, and the one year anniversary of their engagement announcement, if no billet had opened up, he’d put in his paperwork to retire.
As the discussion about when Harm would be able to join them in San Diego ended, so did their intimate time together. He then shifted topics and asked Mac what she wanted for dinner. She said that she was too upset to eat, but Harm's look of love and concern melted her resolve, and she relented and agreed to have some soup. Harm got up and slipped on clothing that he usually wore when he took his runs. His plan was to heat the soup for Mac, and if Mattie hadn't come out of her room before it was finished, he'd serve Mac dinner first and then wake Mattie later for dinner.
Harm had the pan out and the can of soup open, but that was as far as he'd gotten when Mattie appeared in the kitchen.
"Did Mac tell you that we had a fight?"
"Not exactly, I was coming in the door as you were yelling." He paused and waited for a reaction from Mattie. Once he saw a nod of acknowledgement from her, he continued, "I think you need to know something. After I proposed to Mac, she asked me if you'd be okay with us getting married. From the start, Mac was respectful of your place in my life and she knew that she needed to accept it. I assumed that, because you knew how I felt about Mac, you’d accept her. I should've known better based on my own experience, but I was wrapped up in my own happiness and didn’t really think it through.”
Harm had poured the soup into a pan and it had started to heat, so he stirred the soup while he continued to speak, occasionally looking at Mattie to see if she was listening to him. "I also don't think that you're looking at the facts objectively. For instance, if you remember our first visit to court, Mac volunteered to have you stay with her. She didn't have to do that. If your theory were correct, she could have said nothing, and I'd probably still be filing appeals for your custody. More recently, wasn’t it Mac who made sure that you celebrated your birthday in San Diego, even though it was early so that you could celebrate it with your friends? You emailed me that you had a great birthday and that, because Mac and my parents had given you cash for your birthday, you had money to spend while you were here. Mac didn’t have to do that. She could just have let you have cake and ice cream with me here on your actual birthday."
After a moment to make sure that Harm had stopped talking, Mattie spoke. "She asked if there was a Christmas tradition that I remembered, and it upset me. That's why I yelled at her."
"Was it talking about the tradition or remembering your mother that upset you?" Mattie was staring at him with a blank expression. Harm assumed that she was contemplating the answer, so he thought that he'd give her more time to think about it. "I have a theory. You want to hear it?" Mattie nodded in the affirmative. "I think you know that Mac loves you and I think you love her, but it scares you because you think that you'll forget your mother if you let Mac be there for you. I know that I thought that I'd be betraying my father if I liked Frank. For me, it was easy to dislike Frank because he and I didn't have much in common, but when I went to my mother and Frank to tell them that I thought my father was in Russia, Frank was the first to offer his support and help. Frank held no grudges. He'd loved me all along, and it was my loss that I hadn't embraced it." Harm removed the pan of now heated soup from the burner on the stove and paused again. He wondered whether or not he should just tell Mattie about Mac's childhood. After deciding that it wasn't his life to talk about, he tried to send Mattie in the right direction for answers that might give her more understanding. "You told me once that you and Jennifer talked a lot. Did the two of you ever talk about Mac?"
"No."
Harm was pouring the hot soup into bowls. "You and Mac have a lot in common. I think you'd be surprised at how much she really understands of what you're feeling if you'd give her a chance."
"After what I said, I don't think she'll ever want to talk to me again. Besides, I don't know what to say to her."
"She'll talk to you. If you can't think of anything else to start with, ask her if she has a Christmas tradition or memory that she'd like to include. Mattie, you need to know that, even if you don't resolve this with Mac, she'll always be someone you can trust, someone you can turn to if you need anything."
Mattie said that she understood, and left the kitchen to eat her soup in her room. Harm took his and Mac's soup to their room.
Harm returned to the kitchen after they'd finished their soup to put the dishes in the sink. He decided that he'd wait and wash them up in the morning. He returned to the bedroom, hoping that Mac would be willing to continue with their intimate reunion.
Mac knew that she and Mattie hadn't resolved things, but in their room and in their bed, everything felt right, and she was more than willing to love him and be loved by him.
They made love to each other until, spent from their union, they fell asleep, and they stayed that way until morning came.
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