| Subject: UNGLUED CHAPTER 4 |
Author:
Cristina
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Date Posted: 18:02:41 06/29/11 Wed
In reply to:
Cristina
's message, "UNGLUED CHAPTER 3" on 11:35:52 06/20/11 Mon
See Disclaimer in Chapter 1
Part IV...
Six people remained frozen in the conference room, shell shocked by the force of emotion exhibited by "Hurricane Sarah".
"What the hell is going on?" barked Admiral Chegwidden. He was still reeling from what Mac had said.
"Uh, sir," began Harriet. "We were talking about getting together after we'd finished this portion of the project and the Colonel declined…"
"Wait, don't tell me, let me guess," AJ interjected. "The Commander (pointing at Harm), goaded the Colonel until she lost her temper! Dammit Rabb! I though by now you'd grown up enough to quit pushing her buttons!"
Harm's eyes widened, "Me, sir? Why do you automatically assume it was me? Oh sure, I asked some questions she didn't like, but she got upset because someone called her a *sanctimonious prig*."
"Well who the hell said that?" the Admiral inquired, looking at everyone through narrowed eyes.
"I did sir," said Sturgis. "Before you ask, I don't know why and it's not the first time I've referred to her that way. I guess the Colonel knows which buttons of mine to push".
Seeing the Admiral's continued displeasure he hastily added, "Regardless, there is noexcuse".
"Damn right! I have noticed a continued distance between my staff members this year and I don't like it. There are days when I don't even recognize you people. You were a team, sure you've had your disagreements, but to a man, I'd say you were all willing to go the ends of the earth for each other and now that's not the case. What happened to change all of that?" he queried.
The other five stared at their feet, trying to deal with two things. The first was how they were going to face Mac and apologize for their indifference. The second was how to answer the Admiral without being insubordinate'.
"Uh, sir, with all due respect, we're aware of why Mac's upset with us. She made it very clear that we made her feel as though she was ostracized this year due to issues stemming from Paraguay." said Sturgis. Nervously, he looked towards Harm hoping for some help, but realized none would be coming.
Harm sat in shock, still reeling from Mac's disclosure of when she’d actually given up on them and that he'd
had a part in her coming to that conclusion.
"While I'm not certain how we are going to make her see that it was never intentional, I am sure we'll find a way. But don't you think you owe Mac an explanation for your part in Paraguay sir?" Sturgis queried.
AJ's eyes narrowed and he started pacing the room. "Is that what you all think? That I left Mac down there to die because she was somehow expendable?" Silence greeted him, not one of them wanted to touch that question with a ten foot pole.
"You do don't you? Well you are all wrong. It’s Rabb I wanted to teach a lesson to not Mac!"
Wheeling around to face Harm he continued, “You have always had a habit of going off half-cocked doing as you please regardless of the consequences. While loyalty is an admirable thing, Rabb, it does have its limits. Between us, the Colonel and I we have covered your six more times than I care to count; coming so soon after your
involvement in the Singer debacle, I could not let this one go."
"Even if it meant sacrificing Mac in the process?" asked Harm.
"I understand your need to punish me sir. But what has Mac ever done to deserve that kind of treatment from you? Yes, she should have come to you when her ex-husband was harassing her and she should never have perjured herself on the stand during the murder trial, but that
was years ago!
She has done nothing since then to warrant that type of behavior from you! But you were willing to allow her to die to teach me a lesson? Well, I lost my job, my best friend and the best part of my life in process. Consider the lesson learned "he continued.
“God Rabb, you are a pain! That is not the lesson I wanted you to learn!"
"Well then what was the lesson supposed to be? There's only so much loyalty a person is supposed to have? Choose between your C.O. and your best friend? What was I supposed to have learned, clue me in, please!"
"You were supposed to learn not to be a hero. You were supposed to learn to ask for help. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FIGURE OUT THAT YOU CAN'T DO EVERYTHING ALONE," shouted the Admiral losing his temper. "But instead of asking for help, you resigned and found a way to save her.
You didn't even have the sense to call to check in
and that left me no choice but to let you go. If you’d have let me know what was going on, I could have figured something out, but you left me no choice." AJ sighed.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Meanwhile in the bathroom
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mac sighed again debating whether or not to go back to the
conference room. She didn't know what to do and she was having silent conversations with herself.
`How am I ever going to face them again? I can't believe I did that.I know in my heart they didn't know how badly they hurt me. Sturgis was right, they aren't clairvoyant and they had no idea how painful their indifference was.'
Their hatred she probably could have withstood, but when they acted as though she was a non-entity, only worthy of being spoken to when absolutely necessary, it burned deep into her soul.
With a sharp intake of breath she remembered her comments to the Admiral. Had she really accused him of leaving her in Paraguay to die? `Great, just great, I'll be reassigned to Iceland by the end of the week.'
Tears filled her eyes as she thought about Harm. He'd never even listened to her messages. She had poured her soul out in several of them (I'm sorry, I was stressed but that's no excuse, please call me…). By the seventeenth call she was practically begging for a return call. Just thinking about it brought the wounds to the surface.
She wanted to curl up in a ball and will this feeling away; the feeling that she was once again all alone. It was the dull ache of despair that sat in the pit of her stomach and emanated in waves, coursing throughout her body. God she needed something to take away the pain…
She needed a shower.
She stood up trying to compose herself before making her way back to the conference room…
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Conference room
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"You heard me correctly Commander," replied the Admiral, "I want all of you to go home. This can be completed some other time."
"But sir, Mac…" Harm began.
"Will be fine; go home Harm. And people, do not call the Colonel this weekend. Leave her alone. If I know Mac, she's probably furious that she allowed you to see her upset. Give her sometime to collect herself. That's an order," he continued, noting that Harm was about
to protest.
He watched as they all left the building.
Five minutes later Mac entered the conference room surprised to see everyone gone, well almost everyone.
"Admiral, I didn't think you'd still be here. Where are the others?"
"I sent them home. And before you ask, no I will not accept your request for Terminal Leave and no you cannot transfer; have a seat Mac."
"Sir," Mac began, "I wanted to apologize for my earlier remarks today regarding Paraguay. I was out of line."
"No you weren't Mac" said the Admiral. "You have a right to know what I was thinking. I had an issue with Harm's request, but it never had anything to do with not wanting to save you."
"Yes, sir. Thank you sir," murmured Mac, her eyes betraying that shedidn't believe him.
"Permission to leave, sir?"
"You don't believe me do you?"
Mac wouldn't look at him and stayed silent.
"Mac, Sarah (at that Mac looked up at him), you are a damn
fine officer and a credit to my staff. You are like a second daughter to me. I was trying to punish Harm for all of the times he's gone off without thinking about the consequences. I wanted him to ask for help. Hell, I already had a plan in the works that would have allowed him to come find you, but he resigned rather than
asking for help and shot my plan to hell."
AJ walked over to where Mac was sitting and looking her in the eyecontinued, "I would have come after you myself if necessary. I'm a SEAL, we like the Marines, never leave a man behind. For the record, I'm proud of you for not wanting to leave the Gunny. You are a credit to the Corps."
Mac looked at him with tears in her eyes and whispered, "Thank you sir".
"Go home and get some rest. Take Monday off, I know you need some time to collect your thoughts," said AJ.
"Oh and Mac, don't be too hard on this group. They know how badly they hurt you, but they never intended to do so.
You did such a good job of putting on your game face that they never realized it was a façade."
With that, he and Mac left the building, each lost in their own thoughts.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
1330 EST
Mac's Apartment
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God it felt good to be home Mac thought.
She was still reeling from the events of that morning and wasn't sure what to feel. Her emotions were too raw right now. She walked into the bathroom started the shower and got undressed. Stepping into the shower, Mac did what she'd wanted to do since 11:20 am. Sticking her head
under the water, Sarah Mackenzie let go.
Giant sobs wracked her body as she allowed all of the grief to be released. She cried for all of the hurt and pain that had been inflicted upon her and the pain she'd dished out towards everyone in retaliation. She cried for the pain of the last year.
This was the only place Mac ever really allowed herself to cry, with no one around and only the warmth of the water to comfort her.
Sitting in the tub with water sluicing over her she mourned for all that had been lost this year; her closest friends, who truly were her family, her comfort zone and Harm.
With that, a fresh wave of pain coursed through her body and she sobbed for her lost relationship with Harm until there were no tears left to cry.
Shuddering from the now cold water and the gulping hiccups that often accompanied this type of crying jag, Mac removed herself from the shower and slipped into pajamas.
Her last conscious thought before collapsing into the oblivion was of how she could show her 'real family', one member in particular, how much they all meant to her.
TBC
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