| Subject: Christmas Wish |
Author:
Karen
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Date Posted: 13:20:02 12/23/07 Sun
A/N: With all the more obvious annoyances in the last two years of JAG, this is the one that bugged me the most. When Harm let Mac walk away from him at the Wall. I keep trying to fix it. I’ve done it before, and I’ll probably try again. For now, Merry Christmas Happy Holidays.
Christmas Wish
The Wall
1130
Christmas Eve
2003
“Hi, Dad.”
The tall Navy Commander stood before the long, black, etched granite wall. His dark blue muffler, folded neatly around his strong neck, was tucked flawlessly beneath the top button of his long winter coat. He was a study in perfectly composed navy blue. The only counterpoint was the white cover pulled low over his stormy blue eyes.
“It’s been sort of a tough year,” he continued. His lips barely moved with the words, as his gloved finger traced the name.
Every year he used this time to reconnect with the man who had sired him, but had only been present as a father for a short time. Tonight, though, his usual calm demeanor held less assurance, his voice quavered slightly. There was a despondent note fighting for dominance over his legendary self-control.
“Would you like to tell me about it?” the oddly familiar voice inquired.
Harm looked around quickly. It had been so strong so real he’d almost felt a presence. There was no one. The gleam of the mercury vapor lights through the softly falling snow revealed only his solitude.
Looking back at the wall he tentatively asked, “Dad?”
“I’m here, son,” was the reply. The Naval officer knew he wasn’t crazy. He’d been through enough this past year to make him crazy, but he didn’t think he’d actually achieved that status…yet.
“Dad, you’ve never…”
“You never really needed me this way. I’ve always been here just in case. This year is different.” The voice was in his head, Harm realized, but it was strong. Maybe he was imagining it because he really needed to hear it.
The tall man bowed his head slightly, then refocused his eyes on the name. Harmon Rabb. His father’s place on the wall was engraved in his memory as it was in the smooth granite. He could find it with his eyes closed. He’d come here whenever he could since he and his mother had first visited while he attended Annapolis. When the Navy stationed him on the eastern seaboard, he’d made it a regular habit to visit often. The most special visits though, were always the ones he made at 1130 on Christmas Eve.
“This year has been different,” Harm mused. “I guess…I …well, I think I handled most of it okay.”
“You’ve had some terrible tests, son. I’m proud of you, the way you handled everything, but something is still bothering you.”
Harm nodded. “There’s this little girl, Dad. She’s all alone. Her mother died, her father abandoned her. I tried to adopt, her but they won’t let me. I don’t know what will happen to her, she needs someone who can help her.” His voice was so soft no one could have heard him if they’d been standing right next to him, but the sound in his head was one of bleak desperation. It almost made him question who needed whom the most.
“Maybe you shouldn’t give up so easily,” his father’s voice counseled. “Haven’t you ever made a Christmas wish?”
“No. Not really,” Harm shrugged. “Maybe once, but not for a long time.”
“Then maybe it’s time you tried again.”
“I did,” Harm replied harshly. “I just told you they wouldn’t let me…”
“Was that your only wish?” his father asked cannily.
“No, but the other one…it’s something I’ll never get,” he dismissed the notion curtly. He wasn’t sure when that hope had faded but he knew it was gone.
“How do you know? Did you ask for it?”
“I thought I did. I don’t know. Maybe not,” he equivocated.
“Did the person you asked think so?”
“I…I’m not sure.”
“Maybe you should try again on both your wishes. I know not all Christmas wishes come true, son,” he added gently. “But sometimes if you ask, ‘really ask’ the right person at the right time… Try it,” he advised. “For now…just turn around. Merry Christmas, son.” The voice faded.
“Dad?” he called, then felt the hair prickle on the back of his neck.
Slowly he turned, his eyes falling on the only two people in the world he wanted to see.
“Mac? Mattie? How…?”
“I had a little talk with her father, Harm. He’s checking himself into rehab. He signed custody of Mattie over to you until he’s better,” Mac explained.
“You did this? For me?” He looked awed.
“For you, and for Mattie. I guess…I sort of know how she feels. She needs your help, she needs your strength, Harm. I sort of promised I’d help too,” she admitted.
“Thank you.” He couldn’t say anything more. His eyes had filled slightly, his throat constricted for a moment. Looking down, he saw the sparkling red hair, met the dancing eyes that looked back at him. A large snowflake had landed on her nose. He reached gently to brush it off.
“You can hug me now, Harm. I’m all yours,” she informed him with impish enthusiasm.
Slowly the big man opened his arms and gathered her in to him. With almost childlike comfort, the girl nestled against him as though she were home for the first time in a long time. Her arms went around his waist and her cap of curls rested on his lower chest.
“Merry Christmas, Harm.” Mac smiled sadly at the sweet scene and turned to walk away.
“Mac…no…wait!” Harm stumbled, trying to collect his thoughts.
“Ask,” urged the voice in his head.
“I’m on it,” he whispered in return. “Mac, please. Come with us?”
She demurred with a shake of her head and a wave of her hand.
“You promised to help,” he tried a lawyer’s argument.
“You’ll be fine,” she hesitated looking back and replied in kind.
“Mac…I…” he needed something better.
“I…I have a date…with Webb,” she informed him for no particular reason.
“No!” Harm spoke softly but firmly. “Come with us.”
“Harm, I can’t. He’s waiting.” She turned away again.
“Do you love him?”
She stopped mid-stride and slowly turned toward the pair, staring, at a loss for words. Her mouth tried to form sounds, but nothing came out.
“And don’t tell me I don’t get to ask. This time I do, Mac. Do you love him?”
“No,” she shook her head. “No, it’s not like that. It never was. It’s just…”
“Then come with us.”
“Oh, Harm, you have your Christmas wish,” she indicated the young girl tucked with her back against the tall man, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.
“I had two,” his reply was quick and nervous.
“What??”
“This year I had two wishes.”
“Most people only get one,” she pointed out, vaguely amused.
“I know,” he smiled tentatively, “but it’s been a rough year. I got my ‘new’ wish. You helped me with that, but there’s still my ‘old’ wish, the one I’ve wished for years. Come to me, Mac.”
Stunned by his words, she hesitated, looking from him to Mattie. The girl’s eyes were wide, wary and watchful, taking in every nuance of this conversation that was clearly significant to everyone’s future. Teenagers could be difficult. How would she feel having to share Harm so soon? Then something flickered in her eyes, perhaps an acknowledgment of Mac’s importance to Harm, and her head nodded ever so slightly.
“Are you sure?” Mac asked, meeting his eyes and taking a hesitant step forward.
“Never more sure of anything,” he reassured her with a deep breath. Reaching with his other arm he pulled her gently towards him.
“Oh, Harm, I…”
“I love you, Mac,” he whispered, then drew her into a kiss that though gentle and sweet, held the suggestion of anticipated passion.
Mattie stepped uncertainly to one side making room for Mac, but Harm did not release her. Unexpectedly, the girl slid one arm around each of them. Mac’s arms moved to surround Harm and his ward. The three of them stood holding each other with the momentary desperation that happens when you finally find yourself home and out of the storm. Finally, a calming warmth descended upon them.
“I love you, too,” she answered as the kiss ended.
“Thanks, Dad,” he breathed, looking up into the bright falling snowflakes.
With a happy, affectionate laugh, Harm untangled everyone. Placing one arm firmly around each pair of shoulders, he turned his new family towards the parking area.
“You’re welcome, son,” his father’s gentle voice drifted away on the light wind.
End
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