| Subject: Christmas Nigh; Adeste Fi! (Part 23/25) |
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Teacup
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Date Posted: 21:26:54 07/23/07 Mon
In reply to:
Teacup (aka Ever-Xmas)
's message, "Christmas Nigh; Adeste Fi!" on 23:51:19 06/30/07 Sat
Christmas Nigh; Adeste Fi!
Previously:
Harm cleared his throat nervously, and diverted his eyes as he explained, “The other kind of love, - … the way a man feels about that … one woman … completely … and all that.”
Mac just stared at him in wide eyed wonder. She was truly speechless. This was a dream of some sort. Sugar plum fairies were bound to make their dancing entrance any second.
At first, Harm was worried at Mac’s lack of response. Fear gripped his heart. He was considering telling her to just pretend that he had not said anything, since she obviously did not feel the same. But then, he ventured his gaze to meet her eyes. And what he saw there was surprise, … but also more, … including … hope?
That lifted his spirit, and instead of saying anything more, he leaned closer to her, showing his desire to kiss her. To his utter bliss, she closed the distance and met his lips with her own.
And as their mouths fused in the most intense kiss of their lives, Harm’s heart soared and, with every beat, rejoiced, ‘Joy to the World!’
Part 23
A/N: This part gets a bit steamy, but not ‘adult.’
--
The one kiss turned into multiple.
Finally, Mac pulled her head away and looked at Harm, questioning, not with words, but with her eyes whether he really meant it.
Harm remembered her earlier comment that ‘Santa must exist’ if Harm were to actually say he was in love with her. He smiled and lifted one hand to cup Mac’s cheek, while his other hand brushed her hair back over her ear.
Then he answered her unspoken question. “Yes, MacKenzie, … there is a Santa Claus.”
Mac could not help but feel elated, knowing he understood, … knowing that he loved her!
She launched at him, … again claiming his lips. Harm welcomed her assault and countered with his own barrage.
After who knows how long, when they were both out of breath, they pulled back enough to give themselves a break.
“So, … um, … this means …” Harm checked between gasps for air, “… you don’t mind … that I feel … what I feel for you?”
Mac grinned. “It means …” She gave Harm a small kiss on the lips, before continuing, “… that the second kind of love, …the complete, in love kind …” She kissed him again, before declaring, “… That feeling’s mutual too.”
Harm had never been happier in his life, and with joy and relief, he gladly accepted another kiss from her, this one long and affirming.
But with a sudden thought stemming from some remaining insecurity, Harm abruptly broke it off.
“You’re not just saying that, are you?” he asked. “Not just because I did, right? … I don’t want to pressure you into saying something you don’t mean.”
“Harm, … I’m in love with you,” Mac said with all sincerity. She hated that he was doubting her. “If you don’t believe that I would have said the words except for hearing them first, … just ask Sturgis.”
This comment puzzled Harm. “You told Sturgis?”
Mac shyly nodded.
Now Harm was doubly confused and surprised. “You told Sturgis you’re in love with him? … Are you?”
Mac couldn’t help but laugh at Harm’s interpretation. “No, … you silly elf,” she said, “I told Sturgis I was in love with you.”
That made Harm feel a lot better, … especially because of the way she was smiling at him. She was happy, and it was because of him. And it was more than just her enjoyment of teasing him. But he was still baffled. “Why?”
“Why do I love you?”
“Why did you tell him?”
Mac hesitated, slightly embarrassed, before admitting, “… Apparently Tiner’s not the only one in the office who’s at risk of blurting out personal thoughts or feelings when confronted with certain stress.”
“You mean …?” Harm tried to formulate his question, figuring out how Sturgis figured into this.
Keen to get off the topic of her confession to Harm’s old Academy buddy, Mac interrupted, “Is this really what you want to be doing? … Discussing Sturgis?”
Harm smiled at that and shook his head. “No, … what I really want to be doing right now …” He took her face in his hands, and continued, “… is this …” He leaned in and gave her a small kiss on the lips. “… And this …” He changed the angle of his approach and kissed her again. “And …”
Mac got impatient for more, and this time, she put her hand to the back of his head and pulled him to her for a much longer, deeper kiss.
When she finally released him, Harm finished in a husky whisper, “… And a lot more of that.”
… And there was. A lot of kissing … with the same passion and need for each other as before, when they had kissed in the kitchen, but now it was even better. Now, their hearts were lighter, were truly joyful, as if they had been set free.
Logistically, Mac didn’t like the way she had to angle herself for what was becoming a prolonged time, so for comfort’s sake she soon straddled over Harm’s legs to have the easiest access for kissing him.
It was an innocent move to avoid the previous awkward position, but the newly added body contact had its effect on both of them.
They pulled each other closer, indulging in the feel of the other so completely. They fed off of the taste of each other, pure love … with a hint of marshmallow.
They kept at it for long seconds, … minutes, perhaps even half an hour.
At some point Harm leaned them to the side, which caused Mac to stretch her one leg out as Harm shifted his own two out from under her. Without disconnecting their mouths, he edged his long limbs to be parallel with Mac’s extended leg.
She adjusted, gently pushing against Harm to maneuver her bent leg out to meet her other. In the process, her leveraging pressure caused Harm to lean more, and he ended up lying on the floor, bringing her down on top of him.
She sprinkled him with kisses as their legs tangled. Mac’s hands were on Harm’s chest, feeling his hard muscles through the sweatshirt he wore.
Harm’s hands roamed under Mac’s PJ top, getting to know her bare back. The feeling of his warm hands on her soft skin made them both gasp from the sensations.
But Harm soon brought his hands out from under the material, grasped onto Mac’s shoulder and side, and flipped them over so that he was on top.
And it was sometime in the next moments, on her back, entwined with the man she loved, being slowly consumed by him, that Mac started to hear bells. … Not silver bells, … not jingle bells, … but warning bells.
“Harm,” Mac, nearly breathless, muttered.
“Hmm?” he continued kissing her on the side of her face.
“We should …” Mac's lips were met by Harm’s again, delaying the end of her sentence. Finally, she managed to finish with the word, “… stop.”
It had to be one of the hardest things she had ever done, … but this was important.
It took Harm more than a few seconds to process that, given that the cognitive portion of his brain had been disengaged. It did not help that Mac was still responding to the kisses he was giving her.
But as soon as the word ‘stop’ bounced its way into his comprehension, he did just that. He was suddenly hit hard with reality, … and he was horrified that he’d taken things too far, too fast.
He cherished this woman more than life itself; she deserved to be courted properly. Not to mention that they needed to consider the ramifications of all of this.
Harm hoisted himself up a little, catching his breath. “God, Mac, … I’m -”
Mac quickly put her finger over his mouth, stopping him. “Don’t say you’re sorry.”
Harm pulled back and began, “… I just …” But he sat up without completing the sentence. He leaned himself against the couch and tilted his head back against it while searching for words.
Mac lay still for a few moments, collecting herself. Finally, she sat up.
“Harm …”
He brought his head upright again. “… Mac, … I … just don’t want you to think I meant to … That I was trying to … take advantage …” he floundered.
Mac shut him up with a swift kiss, – not passionate, just enough to get his attention, and then she pulled away as quickly as she had swooped in.
Harm looked at her with confusion.
“Everything that just happened, … we did that together, …” she pointed out. “… And I enjoyed every second of it,” she assured him.
“You said to stop,” stated Harm.
“… I know. It’s just, … we both know where that was going, … and … as much as I want that, … I need to … We need … to …” Restarting again, she declared, “This is a big deal for us. …. I mean, it’s always a big deal, but … for us … there’s a lot at stake.”
“I know,” he agreed.
“Things at work,” said Mac.
“Our friendship,” Harm added.
“Yeah, … I don’t want to mess this up. And this has happened so fast …” Mac paused, as it occurred to her that seven years could not exactly be considered speeding. “Well, not fast, but … suddenly,” she amended. “… I just … need to make sure this is real,” she concluded.
“You don’t believe I love you?” Harm questioned.
“Harm, … I feel like … I’m in a dream right now. Like there’s some Christmas magic going on here tonight. … The way everything has happened, – you snowed in here, the power and heat out, putting us by the fire. It’s like something’s conspiring to give us romance tonight.”
She continued, desperately stating, “… I need to know that two weeks from now, two months from now, when the Christmas magic is gone and we’re faced with reality … that this isn’t going to disappear. … I need to be confident that this love will last … before we get caught up in the heat of the moment.”
“You want an assurance of romance forever?”
Mac timidly nodded.
“I can’t give you that,” Harm admitted quietly.
Mac sighed, “I know. … Love can fade.”
Harm gave Mac a strange look. “I think you’re confusing love and romance.”
“Same thing,” she said.
At that, Harm shook his head and even grimaced a little. “Typical woman,” he muttered.
That was not a response Mac would have guessed from him. “Excuse me?”
At Mac’s lost and slightly offended expression, Harm continued, “You accused men earlier of confusing romance with sex,” he reminded her. “Well, women tend to confuse romance with love. … Those are also two different things.”
“You’re an expert on love now?”
“No, I’ve just … watched enough females go all ga-ga over some guy. … I just think that women tend to confuse the feelings they get from all those ‘romantic’ gestures, … the flowers, undivided attention, the flattery, and the atmosphere, … with being in love.”
“So when there’s romance … a woman might be thinking love and a man might be thinking sex. So, in the end, romance is … a man’s tool and a woman’s weakness?” Mac unhappily tried to surmise Harm’s point.
“No, …” Harm objected with frustration. “Romance can be good and wonderful. I’m just saying that all that romantic stuff comes and goes in the best of relationships. … All of that can be used by any man who wants to bed a woman … whether he loves her or not.”
Mac started looking really upset; … she knew she had been vulnerable to all of those ‘romantic’ things in the past. … She’d been taken in by those gestures from other men and didn’t like to be reminded of that.
Harm mistakenly assumed that Mac was getting upset because she thought that he was just using the opportunity of the night’s romantic atmosphere to get her into bed.
“Mac, … that’s not what I was doing here, … I swear. … I didn’t plan this … This wasn’t some attempt to seduce you. You mean too much to me, … and I would never take advantage of you.”
“I know,” she assured him. “… You’re a good man.”
He breathed with relief. “That’s the second time you’ve told me that tonight,” he said, remembering the comment she had made right before their discussion of his scrawny little Christmas tree.
“Well, it’s true,” she told him. “… And I also said earlier that I wouldn’t let you take advantage of me, … and I know you weren’t. … But you’re right … about the romance, which … is all the more reason for us to take a step back while this sets in. Not go from zero to sixty tonight.” She looked down, before adding, “… In case things don’t work, … we can still save -”
“Mac,” Harm interrupted. “Look, … I can deal with waiting for you, … for us, … to be ready for the more … physical side of things. As long as it takes. … But what I do need is some faith … in us. Not the mindset that we’re setting ourselves up for failure.”
Harm looked into Mac’s face, which had tilted back up to him. She was not sure how to respond, but was kept from having to when Harm inquired, “Can I ask you a question?”
She nodded.
“Did you … love me yesterday?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“Last week?”
“Yes.”
“Last month?”
Mac was getting impatient with this line of questioning. “Harm, I’ve been in love with you for years,” she insisted, not knowing where he was going with this.
Harm was touched, and he soaked in appreciation of that admission before telling her, “That’s how you know that this isn’t us getting caught up with some silly romantic notion … or hormones. … I know this because I still love you just as much when we’re not near each other, … like yesterday, … or when we’re fighting, … like last month. Mac, … I’ve loved you for years too,” he confessed. “Through everything.”
Harm swallowed hard, before trying to make himself clear. “What I’m trying to say is … I can’t always guarantee romance, … but I can guarantee that I will always want to be with you. And that you will always have my heart; … I think you always have.”
Mac really was melting, as she replied, just as honestly, “And you’ll always have mine.”
She reached for his hand, and the tingling sensation started again. Mac giggled at this whole scenario. “It’s nice to actually have love and romance,” she observed.
“Love and romance plus sex would be even better,” Harm added lightly. He smiled until he caught Mac’s distressed look. “I’m sorry,” he quickly back peddled. “I didn’t mean to imply that … tonight …”
“It’s okay,” Mac interrupted. Her concern remained though, as she asked, “You’re not mad at me, are you? … For stopping us at two out of three … for now?”
“Mad? … No. A bit frustrated,” he admitted. “… But how could I be mad? You’ve just given me the best news ever, … the best day ever.” Softly he added, “Better than I thought that tonight, … Christmas Eve of all nights, could possibly be.”
Mac was overcome with sympathy for Harm with his memory of being informed that his father had gone MIA the night before Christmas so long ago. But at the same time, overwhelmed by the new joy of the admitted feelings between them, she suddenly declared, “I love you, Harm.”
Harm was in heaven, hearing Sarah say those words to him. “And you believe we can make this work?” he asked.
Mac hesitated. “… I’d like to believe that. … I think my heart does, deep down, … but … I still need to get used to this.” She rested before asking, “What about you? … Are you ready to let go?”
Another pause.
“I don’t want to let go,” Harm finally admitted, looking away from her.
Mac was, of course, disappointed, but she understood. Harm had his barriers, and she knew that he was scared to take a chance with her.
But Harm surprised her, finishing his statement, “I want to grab onto you and never let go, ... never let you out of my arms.”
And so he did gather her up against him and hugged her tightly.
Mac’s heart soared. For the first time in her life, she felt she was right where she belonged, … sheltered in the arms of the man who meant everything to her. The love between them pulsed, transferring like osmosis from him to her and her to him.
“I don’t know what made this happen tonight,” Mac reflected, “but I’m so glad it did.”
“It must have been the mistletoe,” Harm replied, remembering their kisses in the kitchen. “… That’s what got us started off.”
“Actually,” Mac gently disagreed, “… I guarantee it was not because of mistletoe.”
“Really? How’s that?”
“… I have a slight confession,” said Mac. “… I … didn’t hang any mistletoe in the kitchen.”
Confused, Harm pointed out, “Well, … somebody put it up there. Are you saying little elves came by, hanging the stuff to get us together?”
“No,” Mac nearly laughed at his suggestion. “… I’m saying that there was no mistletoe. … The green decoration hanging in my kitchen … is holly, … not mistletoe.”
“… You sure?”
Mac smiled at Harm’s dubious expression. “Yes, I’m sure. … I tried to tell you, … but …”
“But?” Harm asked when Mac trailed off without finishing.
“… I wanted you to kiss me,” she admitted.
“And there’s no tradition for kissing under holly?” It was really more of a statement from Harm.
Mac shook her head. “… No.”
“… Well,” Harm decided, “… there should be. … For you and me. … How about we start our own tradition?”
“Kissing under holly?”
“Yeah,” said Harm. “… And ivy, … and evergreens, …” He drew her closer. “…And by hearths where ‘Christmassy’ fires are burning.”
He closed the small distance and kissed Mac. He intended it to be a peck, but it quickly turned into more.
They had not completely recovered from their heated moments before, and they were quickly giving in to the rekindled passion.
But Harm, ever the gentleman, suddenly stopped and pulled away.
Mac looked at him in acknowledgement, as she observed, “… The fire’s not the only thing burning in here.”
“Yeah,” Harm agreed. “We need to cool it.”
Mac nodded.
Rubbing her hand over the back of Harm’s head, Mac thought aloud, “Maybe I should get the ice I was going to put on your head earlier.”
Harm put his hand on his head to see if she was feeling some kind of bump. “My head’s fine, Mac,” he protested.
“I wasn’t going to put it on the back of your head,” Mac admitted. “I was thinking more of throwing iced water over you.” She abruptly removed Harm's other hand from where it had been wandering across her body.
“Aw, Mac. I’ve been shot down before, … but that is just cold!” he joked.
Mac suddenly became very serious. With compassion and urgency, she told him, “I’m not shooting you down, Harm. You know that, right? … It’s not that I don’t want to take things all the way with you.” She took her hands and placed them on the sides of his face. “I … I’ve never wanted any man as much as I want you,” she whispered.
Harm caught the passion and lust in her eyes, and quickly clenched his own, swallowing hard.
“Mac, … if we’re waiting, … you can’t talk to me like this. … Not when you’ve already got me wanting you so much it hurts.”
He opened his eyes to meet hers, which had softened.
“I just don’t want you to feel like I’m rejecting you,” she said.
“I know,” he assured her. “… But, um, if you’ll excuse me for a moment, … I am going to splash some cold water on me before I completely embarrass myself.” He grinned at her and she smiled back, letting go of him.
Harm grabbed a flashlight and headed to the bathroom, leaving Mac seated on the floor. When he disappeared, she laid back again, flat on the ground, with a happy sigh and a huge smile on her face.
She had been in love for a long time. … But now she could enjoy it. Now it was requited. Now it was wonderful.
Yes, part of her wanted more, and she bit her lip in frustration, thinking about it. But she knew that for the time being this was for the best. And it didn’t matter. She was still on cloud nine. He loved her, he knew she loved him, and, for right now, nothing else mattered.
-----
TBC …
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A/N: Hope you enjoyed this part. Did you?
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