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Date Posted: 09:34:04 09/04/14 Thu
Author: Christopher Antony Meade (Laughing a lot)

Scotty could scarcely stop himself bursting into laughter, when he thought about how easy it was to steal the diamond. Being in charge of the transporter room on the spaceship USS Enterprise had its perks and a sideline as an intergalactic jewel thief was proving to be the most lucrative.

The salary of a chief engineer was not very substantial and the greedy Scotsman had been supplementing it for years, by using the transporter to beam up any valuable small artifacts that could be detected by the scanners, with which he always searched any planet, that the starship might be orbiting. His fellow crew members believed that the locked quagga wood chest in his cabin contained mementoes of his childhood home in bonny Scotland. In reality, it was packed full of purloined valuables, (from Jabba the Hut’s platinum wedding corset to the ruby from the forehead of the idol of the Cranatian rubber eaters. All were beamed up by the crafty Caledonian in quiet moments, when the transporter was not being used by the other Enterprisers.

It was when the great ship was on a routine visit to Earth orbit, in order that the, ever vain, Captain Kirk, could have his hair dyed in a top-class human hairdressers, (he didn’t trust his “crowning glory” to alien hands), that the scanners detected the valuable diamond in the jewellers shop. The thieving porridge eater had no problem in getting a fix on the glittering gem and it was but the work of a moment to transport it, from the vault, to the transporter room of the Enterprise.

“Tha’ll be scraitching thar heeds far yeers o’er tha wan” the tartaned “tealeaf” said to himself, as he hid the stolen jewel with the rest of his loot.
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“The Zombie, the Cat, and Barack Obama” Critically acclaimed and available from all Amazon sites.

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