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Date Posted: 00:27:13 12/15/14 Mon
Author: Alicia
Subject: In The Same Breath (Part 2).. The Story Continues

Standard Disclaimers. However, I do take full credit for all mistakes, omissions, grammatical incongruities, and overall angst.

Previously…….
“Why do we always wind up here?” she asked.

“I wish I knew. I don’t know… maybe it’s inevitable. I do know I don’t want to hurt you anymore Mac….and I…….” Harm let his words drift off.

“Don’t want to be hurt by me, anymore. It’s ok, you can say it. I know I’ve hurt you Harm. Maybe I just didn’t realize how much until tonight.”

In The Same Breath (Part 2)


Harm ventured off into the philosophical, “The pleasure and pain of love, I guess.” It seemed like a safe place for the moment.

“I’m not sure I even know what it means anymore,” Mac said, with a hint of resignation. “Sometimes I feel like my life and you are just part of one big script someone else is writing. Just when I think I know where the story is going, it changes. Suddenly, somehow it goes off in a totally different direction. I hear myself sometimes saying things, or see myself……doing things, and I wonder where did that come from? And it seems every time I try to rewrite it myself, it only gets changed again. I don’t think I even understand the story anymore.”

Harm brought their tea, and took the seat next to her. “I think I know what you mean.”

“Do you?” she asked.

They sat for a few moments drinking their tea in silence. Both wondering what to say next. Both afraid of saying the wrong thing. Both afraid of not saying the right thing.

Mac broke the silence this time. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have walked out of here like I did.”

“The important thing Mac, is that you came back.” Harm knew it wasn’t easy for her.

“You know,” she began, “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked myself, why can’t we make this work between us?”

“And how did you answer yourself?”

“With only more questions.” Mac sighed.

Harm shrugged. “Yet another one of life’s great mysteries. Maybe we’re just never in the same place at the same time. Maybe we’ve spent so much time not making it work, we just don’t know how to get there anymore. Maybe it goes back to we can’t change who we are. Maybe we are so afraid to let go, we can’t figure out how to hold on. Or maybe Mac……. it’s that you just don’t want it to.”

“Wait….So what? Now it’s all my fault?” Mac felt that switch going off again.

Harm looked intently in her eyes and stated in a tone that matched his look, “Yes, it is.”

Mac was getting ready to strike back, when she saw his very large smile and a glint in his eyes. They both couldn’t help but laugh at that moment. Their shared laughter was a much needed break in the tension of the evening.

“From the moment I met you Sarah Mackenzie, I had a feeling my life was never going to be the same. At least I was right about something,” Harm said with a grin.

“I think in a way, you’ve been right about a lot of things.” Mac admitted.

“Maybe. I also know from the beginning, I haven’t always made it easy between us either, Mac.” Harm hesitated a moment before continuing. “You coming into my life just months after Diane was murdered, and right after Meg left. In the course of a few months I lost them both. And then there you were…”

“Diane’s twin,” she added.

Harm nodded. “Diane’s twin…. More tea?”

Mac took Harm’s cue to move on for the moment. “I’m good, thanks.”

“You’ve never really spoken a lot about Meg.” While Harm had shared with Mac some of his history with Diane, he never said much about Meg. Tonight Mac had the feeling she would learn why.

“No, not really. You would have liked her. She never let me get away with much.” He couldn’t help but smile at the thought of her.

“When Diane was murdered…… she was there for me. I was feeling guilty. I started blaming myself. What if this? What if that? If only……”

“Diane’s murder wasn’t your fault, Harm.

“I know. But guilt is a funny thing Mac. If you try hard enough you can make yourself feel responsible for almost anything.” This was something Mac knew all too well.

“Even when my dad went MIA, I had myself convinced it was all my fault. I missed him so much, and gave my mother such a hard time. Even at six, I was a little hard to handle.” Harm smiled wistfully. “For me, it became the reason he went missing. I was the reason. I wasn’t being good enough. I was so sure if I behaved, it would bring him home. And behave I did. He still didn’t come home.”

This was a side of Harm that Mac didn’t see very often. She was used to pulling information from him, and trying to piece together the puzzle with what he shared, or as she hated to admit trying to force him to open up, only to shut him down when he did. Now, she remained quiet, fearing he would stop. She stroked his arm, silently urging him to continue.

Though her touch was comforting, it was a nerve he wasn’t ready to further expose. “But I digress..”

Harm got up and walked into the kitchen. He felt the need for a little distance, if he was going to continue. He leaned back on the counter.

He continued. “It was my idea that Diane and I get together to figure out where we were going. With so much time and distance between us, we had agreed to see other people. It was like being stuck in two worlds. You can’t move forward, yet you can’t step back. We were going to try and sort it all out, and yeah, figure out our future. It was figured out for us.”

Mac realized, in his own way, Harm was answering her earlier question. If anyone could understand, it would be him.

“Meg and I….. we didn’t get off to the best start. It was short lived though. The year we were partners was a tough year. First Luke…….,” Harm paused for a moment. “ I think that’s when Meg and I really began to click. She got me through the investigation……..his death. And then when Diane…. She helped get me through it all. At least as far as I could get through any of it at the time. Half the time she wouldn’t let me out of her sight. She and I became very close.”

Mac couldn’t help her curiosity “Did you and she..?”

Harm immediately knew what Mac was asking. He also knew it wasn’t the easiest of answers.

“Kate and I crossed that line Mac. You know that. With Kate…. it was different. We cared about each other in our own way, still do. But with Kate it was about sex. Great sex. But sex none the less. Still even with that, I didn’t handle it very well, and believe it or not, I do try to learn from my mistakes. Meg……she was different though. She was also part of the reason I was meeting Diane.”

To be continued……………………………….

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Replies:

[> OMG ! Don't let us hanging long Alicia ! :) -- Laurence, 05:00:25 12/15/14 Mon [1]


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[> Alicia, you leave us THERE? Holding my breath waiting.. -- JoyZ, 09:26:29 12/15/14 Mon [1]


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[> [> It was the safest place, really :-)...(inside) -- Alicia, 12:17:20 12/15/14 Mon [1]

Hopefully more will be coming sooner rather than later.. It's a very challenging story to write-- thus the smaller updates... We kind of all know together,including me! :-)


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[> [> [> Alicia, your story is captivating, but will patiently wait, totally respect all you who write, carry on! -- JoyZ, 18:29:43 12/15/14 Mon [1]


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[> [> [> [> ditto :) -- Laurence, 05:31:03 12/16/14 Tue [1]


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[> Great conversation. Please more very soon. -- Beth, 09:50:43 12/15/14 Mon [1]


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