| Subject: Hardcore Analyzing |
Author:
Eric Mega
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Date Posted: 22:42:14 01/14/02 Mon
{The scene opens on the set of HWA's newest fan access show, "Hardcore Access" hosted by none other than Steve Ryder. As the shows theme music comes on, the lights come on, and the camera pans back far enough for the viewers to catch a glimpse of the lush set. The set; well it's pretty damn lavish for a wrestling show, in fact it looks more like a late night show hosted by Johnny Carson or somebody like that. The carpet is red and the furniture is dark blue, except for Ryder's desk, which is black. When the music stops, the camera zooms in on Tom as he shuffles his cue cards, and begins to speak as the crowd simmers down.}
Steve Ryder: Welcome, fans to the newest edition of HWA TV, Hardcore Access. I'm your host Steve Ryder, and boy do we have treat for you folks today. Today I'll be talking to the self-proclaimed Mega Man of Wrestling, Eric Mega. That's right, Eric Mega will be in the studio today answering your e-mail's and my questions. Then I'll spill the beans on all the latest and juiciest gossip around the HWA locker room. So without further abjure lets get this show on the road.
SR: Our first ever guest on Hardcore Access, is a known face on the scene of the HWA and what looks to be a very talented up and coming prospect. It's my honor to introduce to you the self-proclaimed Mega Man of Wrestling himself, Eric Mega!
{The crowd begins to boo as Eric Mega emerges from the backstage area. Mega is wearing a red home Washington Redskins jersey, slightly baggy black sweat pants, and black boots. He walks out onto the stage and absorbs the crowds boos, and smiles. Eric walks cockily across the stage, ignores the outstretched hand of Steve Ryder, flicks the crowd off real quick, and basks in the glory as he takes his seat. Ryder does the same after trying to down play the disrespect shown to him by Mega.}
SR: Well, welcome Mega, how are you doing today?
{Mega dips into his seat and speaks.}
Eric Mega: Alright. You know how it is, same old shit, just different toilets.
SR: I hear ya Mega, but watch your language if you could. We are on TV, you know? Anyway, let's learn a little about you Mega. So tell us about yourself.
EM: What you mean tell you about myself? You running a dating service or something? What you wanna know about me?
SR: Well to start off how long have you been wrestling? Tell us about your wrestling career and how you landed yourself here in the HWA.
EM: Well, Stevie Boy I've been wrestling for quite some time, about four going on five years now. I'm what you would call a journeyman in the wrestling business, you know? I've been all around; here, there, everywhere, but I've never been anything past a Hardcore Champion during my career. With the exception of tag team glory.
SR: Wow. That's got to be disappointing, huh?
EM: Disappointing? You don't know the half, but peep game, you can spare me your pity cause I surely could do without it.
SR: Pity? You don't have to worry about me showing you any pity.
{That comment obviously ruffles Mega's feathers a little, and he hops out of his seat and into Steve's face.}
EM: What the hell is that supposed to mean? What, you too good show a little pity for the Mega Man? Huh!?! You think you're better than me? Huh!?! Well do ya? Huh!?! Why?
{By this time Ryder is completely flabbergasted and totally confused.}
SR: What? I just thought...
{Mega interjects, as he begins to get a little emotional while he speaks.}
EM(Sniffling): I mean what do you people want from me? I try and I try, and what do I get for my trouble? You people boo me, for what, what did I ever do to you? Then, I come onto your show Steve cause you asked me to, and when I try to shake your hand you disrespect me. I get no respect. Sometimes, I just need a hug. Can I get a hug Steve? I need a hug. Can't I just get a hug, please?
{Mega outstretches his arms for a hug. Ryder gives Mega a long blank glare, but finally gets up and hugs Mega. Mega continues to whimper and speak as he hugs Steve Ryder in front of the world.}
EG: It just feels like the whole world has collided on my shoulders. I mean I can't buy a win and everybody hates me. I feel like I'm in the XFL.
{This is actually a pretty sad moment, in TV history. Honestly, two men sitting on national TV in each other's arms, especially when one of the men is a professional wrestler. Regardless, Steve tries to comfort Mega by patting and offering words of encouragement.}
SR: Nobody hates you. There, there you're a good kid and you're gonna be something in this fed.
{All of a sudden Mega, I guess, reclaims his senses and pushes Ryder off of him. With a pissed look on his face he begins to wipe off his face.}
EG: What the hell do you think you're doing touching me. Listen, I don't know what type of garner belt wearing, kinky shit you're into, but look I don't float in that boat.
{Steve is shocked after this and tries to defend his actions.}
SR: What the hell...you...
{Eric Mega interrupts.}
EG: I think we better just hurry up and talk about my match, because you're starting to scare me dude.
{Steve Ryder remains silent and throws his hands in the air in disbelief.}
SR: Fine...do whatever you want, I give up.
{Ryder drops his head on his desk and bangs it down a few times. Mega signals the camera to zoom in and whispers to the camera.}
EG(whispering to the camera): This guy's a psycho.
SR: Why me?
EG: Don't beat yourself up Stevie Boy, I mean why not you. You're a pretty good guy if you gave yourself a chance, minus that fruity streak you got, and your obvious mental problems. If you get some help for that depression thing and get some counseling for that low self-esteem, you'll be okay.
{Steve obviously fed up with Mega by this point just erupts as he flips out on Mega.}
TG: Listen you freaking psycho! Say what you got to say and get the hell away from me! Get as far as possible away from me. And don't ever speak to me again, come near, or even breathe the same air as me!
EG: Such harsh words for a new friend.
{Steve almost climbs the wall at the sound of this.}
SR: Friends!!!!!!! Don't you get it idiot, I'm not your friend, I hate your guts, and I wish you would say what you got to and get the hell out of my life! You freaking lunatic!!!
{This angers Mega to the utmost, he hops out his chair and delivers a devastating Mega Kick right to Steve's mouth. This automatically knocks Ryder out his seat. Steve's laid out as the crowd screams in horror and shock. Mega looks down at a bleeding Steve Ryder and speaks to the camera.}
EM: Why couldn't we just be friends, man. Dammit! Well what's done is done, and I got better things to worry about. Like, my upcoming opponents. Two men who experienced the pain that I can inflict first hand last Friday on Fear. Mystic and John Taylor, you’re two men who I can’t wait to destroy and rid the HWA of for good. Now where should start off at? Well…you know I’ve always believed in the old saying ladies first, so I guess it’ll only be right to start off with the woman named, Mystic. Mystic…what a cute name, I used to know a stripper named Mystic…real horrible woman, I mean she used to have strechmarks the size of rivers, kinda like you, Mystic. She even looked like you, if I remember it correctly. But really though I’ve never heard of a Mystic, or for that matter seen anything near Mystical in the HWA. I mean I know a stripper named Mystic, a rapper named Mystikal, and oh yeah there used to be a fruit drink named Mystic. Speaking of Mystikal, he’s got a new song that pretty much sums up your thoughts after Terror, if you know it sing along, because it goes a little something this: “He kept bouncing me against wall and when he finished I could barely walk, but when you see MEGA. Believe me: you ain’t seen nothing yet! Get it!?! Mystic…Mystikal! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
{Mega looks for some laughs from the but falls terribly short. He speaks and gets a sadistic look on his face as he finishes,}
EM: I don't hear anybody laughing!!
{Mega grabs a steel chair and clears his throat. The crowd erupts with fake laughs.}
EM: That's better. Now Mr. Taylor I know people like you because we think alike. I know that you could be a very dangerous person if provoked, and that's exactly why I'm going to provoke you. Why you ask? Simple, you may be just as dangerous as I am, but by looking at the promo's I can tell you're not as smart as the Mega Man. You never will be, known fact. The games will begin Tuesday John, and when it's all said and done you'll find out why I'm known for taking violence to the Mega. I know you and Mystic Boy have been wondering why on god’s green earth did the Mega Man have to choose us? Well it’s pretty damn simple once you look at it from my point of view. Look at yourselves…you two are weak, ignorant, and just plain soft as two newborn babies. I’ve never been in the ring with either one of you fools, but that could concern me less, because I’m not worried about what you two COULD do to me. Nope…no way in hell, but rather I’m more concerned with what I WILL do to the two of you. And you know, it’s sad what’s going to happen to you two fellas. It really hurts my heart, it truly does, and in fact I’m about to breakdown and shed a tear right now.
{Mega wipes a dry tear from his eye and continues to speak.}
EM: Tuesday night, there will be bloodshed, and you know how I figure this. Because, Tuesday I’m going to take it upon myself to formally introduce you guys to my newest girlfriend, Johnny and Mystic you two have already met her. Yeah, she was the one who helped me lay both of ya’ll out Friday night. Her name is Bloody Mary Jane and she’s a true home run hitter, if you catch my drift. She’s a real Louisville Slugger, with her sharp razor wire necklaces, and she only works for me. See she’s my ho and she don’t move until I say so. She likes the blood that pours after her carnage, the agony she causes when she swings through the air, and connects with her target. She loves me and I love her, and tomorrow we’ll show the world that we’ll be together forever. So until then fella’s enjoy your pain free lives, because all that changes tomorrow on Terror.
{With that, a dangerously evil grin comes across Mega's face, as he spits on Gray's limp body and hits some unlucky fan with that steel chair, for no good reason. The scene fades to black.}
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