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CtarSevenOhFour
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Date Posted: 19:43:38 11/22/05 Tue
In reply to:
Paula
's message, "pathetic and evil impersonators" on 17:44:22 11/20/05 Sun
How to screw up your computer: Windows Tips
It's easy to find out how to fix your computer problems online, with the
vast collection of tutorials available on the web today. However, it's not so
easy to destroy your computer effectively. Now, with the help of this guide,
you can destroy some or all of the data on your computer! Don't use these tips
unless you are really mad at your computer - many people wipe their hard drives
as a sort of punishment to their systems.
How to Screw Up Your Computer
- Format your hard drive
(Windows 95 / 95b / 98 / 98SE / ME / NT4 / 2000 / XP):
From Windows Explorer, right-click the hard drive that your operating system
is installed on and choose "Format..." from the menu. Make sure that
"Quick Format" is unchecked, and change every setting you see. Note:
May not really work since the OS is loaded off that drive. But it should work
for every other hard drive or hard drive partition.
Damage: If all goes well, your computer is thoroughly confused
and unable to put together simple sentences. Illegal operations may occur,
and problems will definitely persist, but don't contact your system
administrator. For if you do, he or she will ask you what you did, and then
why you did it, and I don't want any phone calls from anybody forced to stay
at work for an extra two hours because I told you to format your hard drive.
- Format your hard drive (alternate version)
(Windows 95 / 95b / 98 / 98SE / ME / NT4 / 2000 / XP):
If the first method didn't work, you'll need to create a boot disk
with a file called format.com on it. Since I'm a fan of the
command line, I'll tell you how to do this in four easy steps:
Step One: Open a DOS Box. Go to the Run... command in the Start Menu,
and type in "command" (or "cmd" in Windows 2000 and XP) without the quotes.
Step Two: Format the disk. In the DOS Box,
type format /s a:, and follow the prompts - insert a floppy disk,
press enter when ready, and yes, you're sure you want to do this.
Step Three: Copy format.com to the a: drive.
Type copy c:\windows\command\format.com a:\ followed by the return key.
Your copy of format.com might be in a different location; if you get an
error try
copy c:\windows\system32\format.com a:\ instead.
Step Four: Automate! Now for the fun command -
type echo format c: \vEMPTY > a:\autoexec.bat and reboot!
You don't need to do it the right way, you can just punch the reset button
on the computer. Variations: Press and Hold the power button for five seconds,
flip the switch on the back of the computer (not the monitor) off and then back
on quickly (and repeatedly, if desired), pull the plug right out of the wall
outlet. When your computer turns back on, it should boot from the floppy drive,
and it will ask you if you're sure. Blindly press 'Y' whenever prompted for
anything. - FDISK your hard drive
(Windows 95 / 95b / 98 / 98SE / ME): Reboot your computer however you feel like
doing it, but just before your computer normally says
"Starting Windows 9 ...", press and hold the Ctrl key.
You should be presented with a scary-looking menu - but don't worry!
Simply select the bottom item, which should be "Safe Mode Command Prompt Only."
Once you're confronted by a black screen with a C:\ someplace,
type fdisk followed by the return key. You'll probably get some weird
warning about large hard drives. Ignore it. Choose an option with the word
"Delete" in it, and keep selecting "Yes" whenever anybody asks you anything.
Damage: Again, don't tell your IT department I told you to
do this. Your computer will be extremely hosed at this point, and if your hard
drive is large, you've probably just added 45 minutes worth of formatting and
partitioning for whomever you plan on asking to fix your computer.
- Random Deletions
(Windows 95 / 95b / 98 / 98SE / ME / NT4 / 2000 / XP):
This takes more work, since you have to delete files yourself,
but some consider this to be more fun.
From the start menu, go to Search (or Find,
depending on your version) -> Files and Folders.
Search for files named *.*, and search in the c:\Windows directory
(or whatever directory you've installed Windows in).
You should get a list of thousands of files.
Now for the creative part - how you perform this next step will be a statement
of your artistry - like poetry, but more destructive. Scroll through this list,
and delete as many files as you wish. If you are told that you can't delete a
particular file, don't worry - just move along to the next one.
Make a game out of it - see how many files you can delete in a minute,
then try to beat that record.
Damage:
You probably won't lose any valuable documents unless they were saved in the
Windows directory and you chose to delete them. There is a very good chance
you will not be able to run Windows after a restart, or you may get an infinite
series of error messages. Since you are deleting random files, there is no way
to tell just how much damage you'll do (unless you know what each file is that
you're deleting). For best results, look for files that end in .dll or show up
as "Application Extensions" in the search window.
There are many more
methods to destroy your computer, but these should get you off the a good start.
If you have trouble at any point during these processes, just start doing
random things, preferrably where you change values or delete items.
Posted by Einstein, July 25, 1902 12:41 AM
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